My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi Maureen

I am thinking of going Tuesday so would meet you Wednesday if that is ok.  I will let you know.  Where do you want to meet?  I will stay at the Travelodge in Kingston.

Bren - I could meet you at the Travelodge in Kingston - You probably want to get an early start on Wednesday, so how about 10:00 am???

So looking forward to seeing you again (and Max)!!!

Big Hugs, Maureen

Maureen

Travelodge in Kingston doesn't accept dogs so I will be at the Comfort Inn on Princess St.  10 sounds perfect, looking forward to seeing you too!

Evening everyone.  I hope you are all okay this evening.  Bren I am sorry to read about your meltdown but it is perfectly understandable.  I hope you are okay now.  I am hoping I can keep it all together until Thursday when I finish work for the break.  I have almost run out of things to do now which is very dangerous for me - might be forced to think if I run out of chores!!  I hope you managed the relax you were planning for today.  Good luck with the trip (& the parking).

Helen I am glad you had a good night out with the 'young ones'.  It sounds like you have plenty of snow.  I am so glad it has mostly kept away from us this time.  It seems to be snowing just a few miles away from us on all sides but not actually hitting us.  My window fitting was scheduled for early next week but I won't be at all surprised if Linda doesn't make it.  It really is not worth the risk of driving in any bad weather just to get it in.  However if it does go in I will be posting photos.

I am going to have an early night tonight I think so take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Welcome Janet. So sorry you find yourself here. It is a club which nobody wants to join but in the end are very grateful that they did. All the people here are very supportive and understanding and very non-judgemental. This is the place where you can say exactly how you feel and someone will always understand.

I hope you have a good trip and enjoy your visit with your relatives. It is good that you are also going to be meeting with maureen.

Ailsa, take care. Enjoy the festivities the best way you can. I look forward to seeing the window pictures.

Rosemary, special hugs to your family, I hope you are all coping x x

Dot, my thoughts are with you.

Everyone else, sorry I am not naming everyone, I hope yopu have a reasonable week and manage the festive days without too many traumas.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Morning to all penguins, welcome Janet and sending you a big hug keep posting. Well I think we are all the same struggling a bit, my week not been good as with anni then I had a bug and felt terrible makes it a lot worse when nobody to care for you, Darren was very attentive but still not the same, feeling a lot better now though. I was asked out with friends for Xmas night out but just couldn't go thought I would have found it a bit easier this year but couldn't face it. Kim's husband doing ok back to hospital on Xmas eve for check up. I don't start work till 12.30 today so going to finish shopping hopefully and get dad sorted out with what he needs to get well that's if I can get car out drive for snow. Sending everyone big hugs. Fiona xxx.

Hello penguins,

Welcome Janet and so sorry for to find yourself here.  It is hard when the kids are so small.  My two were 4 and 3 when my husband died and I am "glad" if there is ever a word as they were too little to understand.  I was just thinking the other day that my youngest is now the age my eldest was when his dad died and I remember sitting Jamie down and explaining how he had died.  I couldn't imagine telling Ewan that now as he seems so little.  How horrible their little lives have been.  Ailsa, hope you don't run out of things to do.  I am feeling a bit like that too although still a few things on this week.  Just hope I can keep busy next week.  Work is very stressful - I had 128 tax returns to do and I think I have about 50ish left to do so they are keeping me busy but of course no-one likes to get a tax bill at this time of year so I am getting loads of calls and emails about them wanting more information and people being a bit snappier than normal.  Just have to grit my teeth and keep my short temper in check.

I had a pretty low weekend.  Did nothing on Saturday and then yesterday I was taking the boys to the cinema.  I woke up feeling very tearful but kept trying to put it to the back of my mind.  I had warned the boys they had to behave or we weren't going and of course they played up all day.  Jamie is being really cheeky at the moment and its a constant battle of wills.  Anyway, I had to take them shopping for clothes to wear on Xmas day as the ones I ordered online haven't arrived and not holding out hope.  They continued playing up but I took them for lunch and they were still being pests and even though I hated doing it I had to follow up and say I wasn't going to the cinema.  I was glad though as when we came out from lunch it was a blizzard.  I am a confident driver as you all know but I was so scared driving home from Glasgow as I had no grip or brakes and of course being upset all day didn't help.  Felt angry and alone as if Wully had been here he would have been looking after us.  Anyway, to cut a long story short I got home and asked my dad to pick up the boys today as I didn't want to drive in it as I got a fright yesterday and he said no.  My parents are brilliant help with the boys but everyone always thinks I am a strong independant person.  I was so upset.  For once I would just like someone to look after and worry about me.  It was silly and I was behaving like a teenager but I felt so low.  I'm a big girl and I just have to face the fact that there is only me to look after me.  My friend M phoned at the worst moment when I was having a cry and he gave me a pep talk and some practical advise about the driving in this area which did help as at least I know he is worried about me.  Life is just so hard at times.  Just wish it was more about fun and living rather than just surviving.  I will stop my moaning now just needed to get it off my chest.  Better get on and do some work. 

Take care penguins and thank you for the cards (love the penguins Fiona).  I know we are all struggling at the moment and just need to get through the next week intact.

Gayle xxxx

Well, it will be three months on Thursday since I lost my lovely Martin.  sometimes it seems like yesterday and sometimes it seems so long ago.  The funeral directors brought Martin's ashes round today and it was so surreal.  The remains of that lovely man was concentrated into that urn.

I sat there and cuddled him and spoke to him and felt more at peace than I had done for a long long time.  When Martin was ill we could not have a cuddle as his stomach was much too sore and I just used to hold and rub his arm.  Anything to touch him without hurting him.  Anyway, I sat cuddling and talking and if anyone had seen me they would have thought I had really lost the plot.  But I know that I can tell all you lovely penguins and you will not think so, as you will understand and that 's what makes posting on this thread so good.

I know tomorrow I might be back to being distraught and I have Christmas to get over, but this day I was at peace.  So thank you Martin for coming back to me, and thank you all you lovely penguins for just being there.

I hope you all have as good an evening as you can.  And I hope you may find some peace.

Love and so many many (((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

Pam x

Evening girls

I just wanted to say thank you so much for the cards you've sent me......I'm so very sorry that I have not sent any this year.  Things that should have been done ages ago have been left undone - and the one thing I hate doing is neglecting caring friends..........

I'm probably too late to catch the post now - so instead I would like to wish you all as good a Christmas as you can have and enjoy.....and Peace, Love and Hope for a better year in 2011

Love and many (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) to you all

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dot don't be daft, you know the rules "no apology necessary" of course you didn't have time or emotion to write and send cards, anyway save the trees and use the power of thought instead!

Pam I'm so pleased that you found some peace with your lovely Martin again, and don't worry the plot was lost on here ages ago and no one looks for it anymore.  I remember "bringing Steve home" as we planned a memorial garden and gazebo in our garden (have a look at my photo's here and Facebook) and a friend told me how hard she had found it when her husbands ashes were returned to her - she was going out to lunch that day but refused to leave him "alone in the house" so a pretty gift bag was found and he went out to lunch with them!  Meantime I put Steve, in his horrid plastic urn in a plain, but smart bag beside my bed, Daniel leaped up beside me that night for a natter (he works late and gets in at 4 a.m sometimes,) then went to take himself off to the bathroom, knocking into something as he went "What's that?" I told him it was his Dad, he rolled his eyes and said "I can hear him now telling me I'm a clumsy bu**er, can't you"  I could and luckily it brought us both some tears and laughter.  He's in the garden now with a lovely memorial stone and sundial, a lovely spot where we often share coffee or just a quiet time.

I don't think I have said hello to Janet, stick with us as the others have said, we can't take away the pain but we can share it with you as we know where you are coming from and we "get it" whatever you want to say.  Lots of love to you and join us for a hug and a virtual Baileys whenever you need it, or a hot chocolate if you don't want alcohol, sometimes just to thnk of us all gathered round the fire, wrapped in duvets and just being, no words just being together in thoughts helps to no you aren't alone. 

Gayle sending you hugs to and dragging you to the middle of the huddle with all that need to be coddled a bit at the moment, I'm feeling ok right now so I can do the perimeter patrol for a while, Baileys in one hand, hot choc in the other and the dogs running around keeping the bad guys away.  Your boys haven't had a bad life, you have and are giving them a wonderful life, yes you would want that their dad was bringing them up with you but as that can't be then this is the new normal for them, faster than it is for you because you understand more and in some ways have lost more.  I think it was Ailsa's counsellor that said our children, whatever age, hurt in different ways to us and don't feel it the same.  I know Sam misses her dad and grieves for him and wishes with all her heart that he was here and giving her away next year, I know Daniel still has very low times and said it wasn't just his dad he lost it was his best mate, but both of them are moving on and making new lives for themselves just as they would have done anyway, yes it still hurts but not in the same way as losing your other half.  So Jamie and Ewan will and should always be helped to remember their lovely daddy, but they will also learn to live without him a lot easier than you will.  Sorry that sounds harsh maybe, I don't mean to as I know Jamie does still cry for his daddy and Ewan will wish he could remember him more, but kids do bounce back, they have to it's natural, it's how we all survive.

Well it's raining and snowing here so goodnes knows what it will be doing by the morning.  Ma-in-law didn't go for her scan today, it was down in Southampton, 1 1/2 hours away from us and the weather was coming in bad down there so Heather, sis in law, rescheduled for after New Year.  Hope all of you are safe and warm in the various parts of the country, can't believe it;s Christmas on Saturday, a white one at that by the look of things, at least for a lot of the country - and we're all fed up with it already.  Oh well never satisfied are we, bring on the rain I say and clear the stuff away! Anyway lots of hugs for you all, sleep well as the angels and their new recruits are looking over us all xxxxxxxx