My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi Pam

Sending you a ((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))) - what a horrible day yesterday was for you.  But you end on a more hopeful note - that you will be able to move on at some point in the future.  You may find that it's two steps forward and one step back for a long while..... but don't lose heart.  Just keep plodding away (or swimming) and you will eventually arrive at a place where you feel safe and can look back with a smile.

Love and more comforting ((((hugs))))

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hi penguins

I am glad glasgow went well for you who went, it's a lovely city, i know me and my husband enjoyed visiting a couple of years ago. I know the point was more the company for you guys  but a nice place helps.

Well i thought i was making some progress this last week, i had been less tearful and more 'functional' for about 5 days. I had had my sister and her husband down for the weekend and coped much better than the week before when they came. I had to explain to my sister as carefully as i could that it could be a bit difficult with them both here. I understood that they are a married couple and they will interact like a married couple, but right now that can be a little difficult for me to be arround, the everyday banter, and the casual hug of comfort. I don't expect them to be any different it just can be soo hard to be around especially for a whole weekend. Anyway I coped better last weekend. I was having conversations that were about serious subjects, doing more house work  and feeling generally slightly more human and stronger. That lasted through to monday when despite being alone i had a 'functional and productive day', but then i fell to peices yesterday. I don't know why. no significant date nothing obvious had happened, just cried for most of the day on and off. I did manage to pull myself together enough to go to my councilling session, through which i cried  but maybe 'helpful tears'? I was due to go out with a friend in the evening for a quick bit to eat and then a quiet film, i was still determined to go. It was a tuesday night in a quiet art center so i thought i could hide in a corner and people can't see you crying in a dark cinema if it came to that. But the best laid plans, we got stuck in horrible traffic for so long there would be no time to eat and my friend had been at work all day, so we abandoned and headed back to mine for takeaway pizza. bit of a shame i had been planning the evening as a personal challange. but nice to see my friend.

Not sure how i feel today, woke up and had some tears but that happens everyday, maybe a bit better then yesterday. I am going to another friends for lunch today, keep myself busy, a daily something to do. Not trying to avoid things just to keep from stewing. to keep swimming!!

I hope you are all ok, that those with difficult dates are getting through somehow, that housing problems are comming to some sort of conclusion for Gayle and that we all feel a bit stronger each day.

take care, and big hugs to all who need them

Becky

Hello everyone,

Just thought I would pop on and give you a quick update.  Well I was away overnight on Monday night with work and got a phonecall on Tuesday morning to come home straight away as the house was flooded from my landlords maintenance man.  As you can imagine I drove all the way there in tears.  The whole downstairs of my house has been wrecked and because I was packing I had a lot of boxes all downstairs which are destroyed.  I've lost everything like my appliances, hoover, Jamie's clothes, all the kids shoes, all the kids toys, the list is endless.  I just kind of looked at it yesterday and had to leave and have a few more tears and pull myself together.  Its just a living nightmare at the moment.  I can't stay at the house so I am staying in a hotel (the one the penguins stayed in) and the boys are staying at my parents.  My landlord has been great and has had cleaners, etc in already but I can't move anything until I hear from my insurance company to see if I can save anything.  Its just the final straw to be honest.  I am now living out a bag travelling between the hotel, the house and my parents to look after the boys and then when they go to bed at 7 I can go to the hotel.  Last night wasn't too bad as an old friend came and took me out for a drink to drown my sorrows and it was good to catch up but woke up this morning and just thought I can't face this anymore.  I could easily have stayed in bed all day.  I'm shattered and have such a sore head.  Sorry for such a down post but I think it will help me to have a wee moan and feel sorry for myself and then give myself a shake and get on with it.  Nothing else for it but I must be the unluckiest person in the world.  My new house still has no progress either.  However my landlord reckons I will be back in a few days but I cant' see it but he is very good so fingers crossed.  I suppose every cloud has a silver lining so I can go out every night as I have babysitters lol.  Anyway, I am just jumping on the computer just now to order the kids some clothes and shoes and catch up with some work before I see to the kids.

Take care penguins and sending those hugs in need of them.

Gayle xxx

Oh, Gayle

what a bummer.

I am so sorry that you have all this to deal with on top of every thing else.

Is there anything at all that the penguin posse can do to help? 

Huge hugs to you and to the boys.

Sue xx

Thank you Sue.  I am thinking of jumping in my car and running away so I will come visit all penguins and you can all put me up for a few nights till I move onto the next penguin :)  But seriously, thank you.  The landlord has been very good and has the professional cleaners, etc so in terms of work it is not too bad.  Its just the hassle really and obviously the cost.  I haven't confirmation from the insurance company yet what is happening but even still I have to fork out for clothes for Jamie, a hoover, telephone, etc - all the things I need immediately and then wait for the money to come back.  That is the major pain.  But like I said I will just have to get on with it.  If I sit for too long I start wallowing so I will just have to be efficient organised Gayle at the moment and then feel sorry for myself at a later date :) 

Gayle xxx

Oh Gayle, this certainly is not your year.  Jump on a plane and bring the boys and come stay with me.

sending hugs and thinking about you.

not what you needed at all at the moment, but i think you are right, push on with it because stopping will just make you down about it. in the grand scheme of what we have all faced this is just an annoying inconveniance.

You are doing great

Becky

Becky I am sorry your plans went awry but hope that in time you will find yourself another challenge. You are doing what most of the penguins on here (excluding me) did, and that is to keep yourself busy so that you can't think too much. Please don't overdo things and wear yourself out.

Gayle, you have faced so many things over the past months and you have done so well. You will get through this latest problem and knowing you, you will come back even stronger in spite of it.

Bren, I hope you have managed to ride the storm of emotions and kept your head above water.

Well, I managed to get through my night shifts in one piece and finished this morning. This afternoon I took my dad to the hospital for his gastroscopy. I waited for him to call me to tel me he was ready but unfortunately it appears that I had no signal on my phone because when I eventually decided to return to the endoscopy unit to see if he was ready, I discovered he had been sat waitinbg for an hour and a half (oops). Anyway, they told him that his problem is probably due to scar tissue from an esophageal burn (from gastric reflux). Also, the muscles tone in his neck or throat (unsure what he told me now) is poor. They took six biopsies and they have gone for histology so we now have to wait two weeks for the results (fingers crossed that they are good). Dad seems in pretty good spirits at the moment and has managed to take some soup. I on the other hand have been tying myself up in knots thinking of terrible scenarios (my optimism seems to have deserted me). I promise I will dig out my hat of optimism and wear it for the next two weeks.

Take care dear penguins and have the best evening you can x x

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Evening all , i quite like the sound of the hat of optimisim Patricia , wonder what hat i should wear ? ..

Gayle , sending you big hugs and hope everything gets sorted pretty soon , i can,t believe i was in your beautiful clean house and now its all been spoilt and i will admit when you told me that your house had been flooded i did think oh c**p what did i do ? i know i turned the shower off ., cant believe we we're stood admiring the lovely stream , dam thing , might look nice but with bad concequences .. Fingers crossed your soon back in it but not for long as hopefully your other house will soon be available for you .Glad your looking on the bright side , more shopping and going out lol ..

.Patricia , i hope your dads tests comes back ok i know its such a worry , my dad has to have biopsies again next wed so not looking forward to that for him , i know how much pain he'll be in afterwards

. Sorry i've forgotten what everyone else has said , but sending love and hugs to Becky and Pam who are still in very early days (((hugs))))

 Take care all Lynne xxx

You dear Lynne shall wear the hat of 'friendship and fun' because you are a friendly and fun person. When you are feeling less than fun then put on the 'hat' and hopefully you will feel the fun seeping through. lol Good luck to your dad next week. Such a worry for you all. (I hope the pain is not as bad as it has been).

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x