My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Morning all . Thanks Patricia for huddleing me , i am ok its more work related . Had a really tough day (well tough week really ) due to a crap controller and being on the late shift , we accept the odd bad shift but this girl is causing so many problems due to just "not caring" (about patients) and today we have a meeting with the "big bosses " which we are a little worried about , we know its to talk about our contract byt thats all . Obviously we have all come up with our own theroy as to what it could be . Anyway we should know soon enough . Thank you for my good wishes on F/B last night . I didn't want to put anything aboutn work as my boss has been concerned i've been worrying to much anyway (how can i not ) Hugs for all xxxxxxxxx

Morning All, Bren sending you a big hug. Lynne hope your day better than the last few days. Ailsa have a nice time this weekend with your sister, I liked your comment when you said your sister Fiona not our Fiona made me smile and thankful for all the nice friends I have met on here. It will soon be two years for me, in one way it seems a life time ago and in the next seems like yesterday. I am off out tonight with one of Derek's workmate and his wife to Jane McDonald so looking forward to that and then I have Charlie tomorrow night. Gayle sending you a big hug as you have had it hard with all the carry on with your house nothing easy. Hugs to everybody else. Fiona xxxx

Sorry to hear of your loss Pam, and hope you keep posting and we will all give you the support we all needed and still do at times Fiona xx

and now i have just been hugging my neighbour who has lost his 38year old son this morning . bought everyhting back and not holding out for the day to get any better xxxxxx

Oh, Lynne

How tragic.

i hope the day will have a ray of light for you xx

Lynne

sending hugs trans-atlantic hugs XXXXX, do hope you have a better day at work at least.

love Bren

Hi everyone,

I would like to thank you all for your kind thoughts and all the hugs.  I have been spending some time looking back on this thread but think this will take me quite some time.  I am on page 7 and I think there are 600 plus.  But I think that by the time I have gone through all the pages I might be stronger and perhaps able to manage better.

The last couple of days have not been too bad, well, on the bottem side of good.  I can't say I have not cried, or that I have not missed Martin so desperately.  But I have been able to smile and that is a big thing on this very hard road.

It is so good to hear from all of you who know what I am going through, and it gives me hope for the future.

Thank you all, and God Bless you

Love

Pam x

Hi, Lynne so sorry you are having such a difficult time right now. I hope the meeting was beneficial and that the outcome was good. My sincere condolences to your neighbout the the sad loss of their son.

To everyone else, I hope your day has not been too bad.

I myself am about to head off for my night shift. I am unsure what is in store for me or even if I have someone to work with mmmm...... time will tell.

Love and angel hugs to you all x x x Patricia x x x

Just a very quick one as I smell (hold your noses reading this, I'm serious!) I've been helping little sis with her garden and we had a sort of bonfire and got completely smoked out so I'm on the way to the shower (was just waiting for the water to heat up).  Went to read back from where I posted last night and blow me can't find my post!  Did I dream it again?????? So wanted to say a quick hi and hug Pammie, you are doing so well my dear (mind you reading all 664 pages of this thread and you will deserve a medal) I hope you can hang on with us and eventually join us for a meeting perhaps, too early maybe for you to think about that right now, but we're always here.  Also big hug for Lynne, hope the weekend restores you a bit.  Hugs for everyone else too and I will get back to you all later xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks for the encouragement Esme, it is good to know that on this thread people really do know how you feel.  They have been through it themselves and all the feelings that go with it.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit down so decided to clear Martins greenhouse out of all the old tomatoe plants.  Have not had the strength to go in there before.  Then put all the garden furniture into the greenhouse and all the plants that do not like the frost.  All this Martin would have done but I had to do it instead.  although it made me sad it helped in some way, clearing everything up and making it tidy for him.  Doing all the things he would not ever do again. 

This afternoon, I am looking after my youngest grandchild while here parents go out to buy her birthday present and it is all I can do to stop crying.  I am looking at Martins picture and thinking how unfair life is.  This is something that happens to other people.  We were to go on and be Darby and Joan.  Oh how complacent and smug we were.  Giving other people condolences and feeling sad for them. Who would know we would turn into one of the other people.

I know this is grieving and is natural, but I don't want to play this game anymore.  I want my old life back. I don't want to be me any more.

How many long and long months, years will I feel like this............

Sorry to be so down, but that is just how I feel at the moment.

Love

Pam xx