My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Sending Huge hugs to you both Manda And Bren. thinking of you both

Hugs to Manda and Bren x x Difficult times and hard to deal with. Penguin love and support will hopefully guide you through.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Morning everyone,

I hope the weekend went okay Ailsa, and I am sure it will be strange having the house to yourself again.  I know what you mean about the videos you watched with Chris in them.  Sometimes you just have to do it, have a good cry then dust yourself back down again.  I hope you survived your quiet weekend.  Not long till we meet again (and thats fine about the hotel - will send you a pm) and I am looking forward to it after missing you in London.  Well done on the weight loss too :)  Bren and Manda, hope you survived the weekend too.  Not many words I can offer but sending you the biggest of hugs.  And of course hugs and love to all the other penguins.

I had a quiet weekend because I was away last week.  I took the boys to soft play on Saturday (these places are torture!!) and they had a fantastic time.  Its great watching them now as because Ewan isn't a toddler anymore and is turning into a little boy they actually spent most of the time together and playing together rather than Jamie racing off to the big bit and leaving Ewan behind.  It was lovely to watch as they kept holding hands when they were walking about which is so cute.  I had parents night at Jamie's school last week and the teacher said he was a credit to me and he is doing amazing in class.  He actually helps the next year up with their reading because he is so good at it.  He is also started writing some stories and is doing very well describing things for his age so I was very pleased.  I raised the matter about the homework and the head teacher hadn't even mentioned it to her!  She was lovely about it though and took my comments on board.  Sunday was quiet too as Jamie had a birthday party to go to so I just went to my friends for a coffee whilst he was there and Ewan played with her little girl.  So all in all a quiet boring weekend.  And its going to be a long week!  I do have lots of work to do (since I was off last week) but can't be bothered and because I was away last week I am just working from home this week so it is going to be torture.  Plus the schools are off so I will have Jamie to entertain.  By Friday I will be climbing the walls although the way the morning is going I will be lucky to reach 5pm today!!!  Roll on pub Friday :)  Anyway, talking of work I better get on and try and catch up with my emails.

Hope you are all well.

Gayle

p.s. no progress on house.  I am just sitting in limbo waiting on the court throwing her out as still no other suitable properties in the area yet.

Evening All, Hope everyone is doing ok? Gayle pleased you had a good time when you were away and hope you get somewhere soon about your house. Jamie seems to be a bright boy and nice to get good feedback from his teacher. Ailsa your house will be quiet again with Becky and Declan now in there new house. I know what you are saying about watching a video of Chris i have one of Kim's wedding and i find it hard to watch it and if i do i end up in tears. Amanda and Bren i hope you got through the weekend the best you could. Not long till our meet at Glasgow i am looking forward to meeting everybody. I am working till Thurs this week as Lily on holiday, got a hospital appointment on Friday and on Friday night i am going to see Jane McDonald at Carlisle with a workmate of Derek's and his wife he has been so good to me since Derek died. I have Charlie for a sleepover on Sat night as Kim and G are going away for the night as it's there wedding anniversary. Kim on holiday for a fortnight so nice for her to spend time with Charlie. Well i am off to do some knitting. Sending a hug to everyone. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  

Morning all . Well it is quiet on here now but i think that is mostly a good sign (i think) i've just come on to have a little errr not even sure , maybe just a ... still dont know . abaut i know all the newspapers and television news aand i've even had a email about it , the so callled new wo nder  drug abiterone for prostae cancer has just had some good results back and whilst i'm really pleased that they are making some headway with this desease i have a heavy heart too , as Gordon was offered this drug on the trial and i still dont know if he was on the placebo or not , It is always something that is on my mind , especally with all the news about it .. Would i benefit from knowing , should i try and find out . Any way weather he was on it or not it didn't do any good . Why can these things still throw you  ?

. Anyway on a brighter note its littles Aidens 4 th birthday today so i'm looking forward to calling in tonight when i've finished work ..  Love and hugs to all , sorry i'm not much use to anyone but i think about you all the time and i'm so looking forward to glasgow 10 sleeps xxxxxxx

Oh my dear Lynne, the news of the new drug is bound to throw you. It made me very sad too for all the people who have missed it. This includes my father-in-law who died in 1997 from prostate cancer. As for knowing whether Gordon was on the placebo or not, it would serve no useful purpose for  you to know that. You would only torture yourself even more. When I saw that they had made a breakthrough in testing for lung cancer I was very pleased for future generations but extremely sad for my dear Ray and my mum and aunt who all had lung cancer which was found too late to treat.  There will always be these times to throw us off kilter but hopefully we will weather the storm and get through it whenever it happens. Oh and by the way, do not say you are no use to anyone. You are useful to all of us. We love you and your antics, you have a very beautiful and infectious smile and I for one am cheered up every time I see your picture or see that you have posted. So YES you are useful.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Jolly well said Patricia, | can't add anymore as you are right on every point there.  Hugs to all of you (Hi Fiona by the way, good to see you xx).  Take care all lots of love xxxxxxxxxxx

Thank you my fellow penguins , you've made me feel better now , i thought it was just me (yeah i know i'm blond) that felt this way about the new treatments . Of course i want these new drugs to work , we never know who is going to need them and of course i dont want other people to go through what we are going through , its just the "what if" .oh well i'll get through it as usual .. Thank you again for the very kind words xxxxxxxxxxxx

I agree with Patricia Lynne.  Its so hard to not think "what if" though.  I often think it too although Wully had no chance and was on borrowed time for about 3 years.  Still damn unfair though.  I hope you are okay.

Gayle xxx

Hi everyone.  Lynne I hope you are okay.  It is very hard dealing with the 'what if's'.  I keep getting emails from the rare cancers association.  I find myself wanting to join in and help but it worries me as well.  Patricia says very wise words and I agree with her advice.

Gayle I will watch for your message.  I am so looking forward to the 22nd when I make my way north again.  The boys sound like they have done you proud this past weekend.  Very well done to Jamie with his reading.  Hi Fiona, Rosemary, Patricia, Teri, Bren and everyone else I haven't mentioned.  I am really looking forward t hearing from Judi again soon.

I posted another few photos on POA this evening.  There are a couple from the cocktail bar.  Well I had better get off to bed so take car everyone.  Ailsa xxx