My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Ok, so it's not quite the ledge that he's falling off... but it made me smile all the same! xxxx

Have you just been out and posed that?  It made me laugh too, wicked! xxxx

Love the photos, sending huge hugs Manda.  I am feeling pretty lonely lately myself, coming up to the day soon.  I am glad you had such a good meet and one day I will be there too.  Right now I really can't be bothered to travel, think my running away days have stopped for a bit.  Our long weekend is coming up this weekend and I think I am ok, will be really lonely but I have plans for one day just not sure which one yet, to go to the craft fairs and have dinner with a friend and I really need to clean my house.  The weather looks good so Max and I will hopefully get in some long walks.  I find some days it is so hard to keep fighting or keep swimming and some days I don't see the point but other days are ok and I can get through them all somehow. 

Off to dinner with a friend from my group and then to our group tonight, that is always comforting.

Hugs to all

Bren

Hi everyone.  I hope everyone is okay this evening.  Bren have a lovely time out to dinner and then off to your meeting afterwards.  I was so touched by your post about Dan & him sending you the song.  Like you I really need to clean my house.  Becky & Declan did not prove to be the tidiest of house guests.  They have so many belongings I couldn't reach anywhere to clean.

I have managed to wriggle out of the last trip south for Becky's gear.  Her boyfriend is going to come down from Scotland next weekend and do it.  What a lovely lad!!!  I am going to have a lovely time at home for a couple of weeks now getting on top of jobs and getting rested up for the Glasgow meet.  It will be great to see Fiona, Judi & Gayle because we missed you all in London and it will be great to spend time with all you others again as well.  I know what you mean about feeling flat after the weekend.  That happened to us after Newcastle didn't it?

Well done making the puddings Rosemary - I'm very impressed.  For the record I love Christmas pudding but I have never tried to make my own.

Patricia, Manda, how are you both?  I hope you are both okay.  Try to keep your chin up - I'm sure you both tried hard and it isn't always easy.  Patricia the house move is complete as far as I am concerned although there is still more to do.  I will let Becky see to that.  The plumbing in the garage is complete so now I need to finished the decorating and all the twiddly bits.  I am not going to do much before the Glasgow trip as I need a rest but I will crack on with it by the end of the month.

I've been to my slimming club tonight and lost another 1.5 lbs.  I might make it to my target by Christmas at this rate - just in time to put it back on!!

Right - I had better get a couple of things done before bed.  Has anyone got interesting things planned for this weekend?  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Hello my lovely penguins,

I am back :)  Had a lovely holiday although still fuming I missed London.  We went a day earlier than planned because I was so down about missing London and stayed in Edinburgh for the night and did the spooky underground walk which was good.  Then we went onto our log cabin on Monday till Thursday.  It was a lovely place and we did loads and ate too much lol.  Back to reality now.  Still no further forward with the house.  The woman is still in it and refusing to go until the sheriff officers drag her out.  What a stupid selfish woman as she has children and is putting them through this.  The letting agency have given her another property to go to (even though she hasn't been paying them) but she still won't go.  So at the moment I am in limbo desperately trying to rearrange furniture deliveries, redirection, etc.  My phone has already been connected to the new house and not much I can do about that.  The problem too is that I like this house so I "think" I am going to wait for it but the letting agency never phone me back so I never know what is happening to plan anything.  There are also no really suitable alternatives.  There is one nice one in the area but it is only 2 bedrooms so the boys would have to share which I don't think would work.  I might view it next week anyway.  My current landlord is lovely and I have explained I might need this property longer and he says that is fine just to keep him updated so no chance of being turfed out luckily. 

I also went and had my tea leaves read last night.  It was very emotional as she was very accurate with a lot of things.  She described my relationship with my boyfriend perfectly and his personality and how we have broke up etc.  But scarily she more or less said he is the one.  She also said that Wully was there and she said normally when she sees people they are all dressed up but he was wearing shorts and t-shirt.  That made me cry as that is what he always wore.  It could be 10ft of snow outside and he would come in from work and put his shorts on.  My mum and I always picture him now dressed like that so it was lovely.  She said he was laughing saying that I told him I would never love another man, etc and he was laughing saying didn't take her long!  But he is happy about the decisions I have made lately and not angry with me and that he supports my decisions I have been making lately.  Sometimes your head tells you the right thing to do and you insist on doing it but she says I must listen to my heart.  My wee granny was there too and that was lovely.  All in all very spooky.  She also told me I was going to be pregnant soon (with twins!!!) and have a ring on my finger.  That bit must be a lie lol.  No way I am having another baby and of course I said there is no twins in my family anyway, however when boyfriend was over and asked what she said I asked him and his sisters are twins. Ahhhhh!!!! Anyway, I better hit post as I need to pick the boys up from school.  I will catch up with you all later but thought I better let you all know I am back in case you missed me ;)

Gayle xxxx

p.s. special hugs Manda and Dave xxx

So glad you had a good time Gayle and it really won't be long until Glasgow now.  I hope you don't mind but I rang the hotel and double checked the booking.  I will explain when I see you.  All is well so I will be heading north on the 22nd.

I know there are some difficult weekends this weekend so very special ((((((((hugs)))))))) to each of you.

This is my first complete evening in my house on my own for more than 3 months now.  It is strange.  I love the order of having the house back for me but I am lonely at the same time.  I got a few jobs done and then (& maybe this will not be such a good idea) I have found myself watching the DVD that Chris left for us.  That made me me cry but then I have moved on to a video made years ago in the 80s of the last night one of his band performed.  It is brill to listen to him sing and see him so young and fit.  I have watched one from a more recent camping holiday as well.  It brings back some wonderful memories even though it makes me cry.  I like to think I am very lucky to have these films so they should be watched every now and again shouldn't they.

Anyway on a more cherry note you were very brave having your tea leaves read Gayle.  It even sounds to me like she was very accurate.  Wully certainly sounds very proud of you.  I really hope you get the house sorted out soon but try not to worry about it too much.

I think I am going to enjoy my weekend at home.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Evening all.  I'm still having a good weekend at home.  Still very strange on my own but okay anyway.  I think the tired from the past few weeks and months is catching up.  I hope everyone is getting through this weekend.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx 

Sending lots of hugs for Manda, thinking about you today

Lots of ((((((hugs)))))) for Manda & Bren.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

More hugs from me Manda and Bren - thinking of you both xxxxx

Ailsa hope you have your feet up, cup of tea and biscuits beside you and a book on your lap! xxxxx