My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Sorry Sue, I missed your post. It must feel strange to you not going in to work now that the schools are returning. x x x  ((((((HUGS))))))) x x x x

ailsa, I hope you are not overdoing things. I do worry about you. x x x

Many thanks to all who have made me so welcome on this site.

I got over the loss in my own way but now I am just so very lonely. The line of work I'm involved in means I get a heck of a lot of colleagues but apart from my football mates I have very few mates who I can ring to say "fancy a pint and a natter?"

Also, after 29 years of knowing Berni, I am absolutely useless at dating. I'm ready to move on but my nerves are clearly getting the better of me so I fluff my lines. Everyone says, "your a lovely bloke Malc but you're not the one for me."

I know this isn't a dating site per see but I know now that some of you have been able to move on with each other. Fair play to you I say.

Lesley told me about some of the wonderful friends she now has thanks to this site and about some of the things you get up too. I quite fancy a bit that. It sounds like fun and boy do I need to put some fun back into my life. I am the life and soul of the party when you get to know me but I need to be brought out of my shell first. Also, and I hope Lesley will be able to confirm this, I am quite a strong bloke emotionally and I have 2 very good shoulders for you to cry on.

I've only met Lesley the once but I know that she and I are going to become very good friends from here on in. I just want some more friends like her.

Is that too much to ask?

Hello everyone

Welcome Malc to our little corner of the site but sorry to find you here.  You will find lots of support and friendship from the ladies on here.  The dating game is a nightmare and yes a few of us have ventured into it.  I have been very lucky to meet someone very special but it is not without its rollercoaster moments and it is definitely not easy after many years away from it. 

Well I am feeling so so after my adventures.  Things are still not really settling so I went back to the GP this morning and have a couple of prescriptions to take so fingers crossed they will work as I was so looking forward to going to Manchester on Saturday.  As many of you saw on FB yesterday I had an incident at the school which has really upset me and set me back (partly probably because I am not feeling well).  Jamie's homework was to make two sentences with sad, bad, had and glad and he wrote "I am sad today.  I had a dad."  Of course I got really upset and when i spoke to him he was too.  He is annoyed that his dad can't come to see him because I explained he still does have a dad - so his response is well why can't he visit.  He watches TV and thinks well why can he not visit as a ghost?  My question too so not really got an answer for him.  I said, maybe he comes and cuddles you when you are asleep and he said no he doesn't as I don't feel him near me - just the covers.  I went to the school this morning and asked to speak to the teacher and the head mistress overheard and asked what the problem was.  I then started to tell her but got really upset and started crying so she now things I am a loony I think as she just said, well it wasn't meant in a bad way and its just the curiculum and that the teacher didn't think!  Well I know that!  Of course because I was so upset I couldn't speak properly or say what I wanted to get across.  She said she will speak to the teacher but I really don't think she thinks its an issue.  Oh well another one of these things that will keep cropping up as the boys grow up.

Anyway, I am away back to bed as didn't sleep last night at all which isn't helping my emotions.

Take care penguins

Gayle xxx

Gayle, hun, may i make a suggestion?  i can quite understand why you got so upset talking to the teacher  about the homework.  ~Why not write your points down in a letter to the school? ~i know all about the 'curriculum', but the basis of it all is 'Every Child Matters', and that includes adapting the curriculum for a child like Jamie, who should see school as an extension of his caring home environment. (I write this as someone with many years' experience of teaching young children, and if I had acted in the way his teacher did, without considering jamie's feelings, I should expect to be in deep s**t. I've taught many little ones who have sadly lost a parent, and believe me it can be done with minimal upset, and by avoiding the obvious thing like giving those particular spellings!)

Hope i haven't overstepped the mark, but i think you should place this on record.

hope you feel better soon,

sue xx

Oh, and one more thing - "the teacher did not think" is NOT good enough- that's what she is paid to do.

Sorry - will get off my high horse now! xx

Thanks Mermaid.

From your handle I'm guessing that 1975 was your year of birth and from that I'm deducing that Jamie is still quite young?

Ghosts are not like like Casper that you can see. There are ghosts that are actually called spirits and they are around you and watching over you all the time. You can't see them, you can't touch them but you can talk to them. They don't talk back in ways we understand but they DO find a way of talking to us.

One week after Berni was laid to rest I went with a group of mates to a football game in The Netherlands. I had worked in the area 4 years earlier and used to watch this team on a very regular basis. Berni and Mark both went with me a few times and they loved the atmosphere. At Mark's funeral service one of the tunes we played was "I'm going to Barbados" as he'd took himself off there by himself when he was well and working.

OK fast forward to 15 March 2009 Roda JC Kerkrade vs Den Haag. Half an hour after the game had finished we still had some beer tokens left but I noticed that the whole stadium was now accessible so I took myself off for a wonder around. I walked into the Theo Pickee Tribune (stand) and gazed back towards the West stand where we always used to sit. The sun was shining brightly over the top of the stand. What tune was being played over the tannoy? Why was the tannoy even still playing tunes after the game had finished?

Why that tune, why there and why then? What had made me go into that stand at that precise time? The spirit of Mark was thanking me for giving him his Mum back.

Jamie might be too young to understand what his Dad is saying to him. You can reassure him though that when he's a little older and wiser he will understand.

I hope this helps.

And regarding that teacher remember, Those that can, do. Those that can't, teach.

Take care Gayle.

Malc. xx

Afternoon everyone

Sue sending you big hugs and hope you are ok with all the talk of returning to school etc. We can all call you lucky but sure you have mixed feelings. Very wise words to Gayle too - `Every child matters` is so important that shouldnt really have happened.

My first day went fab yesterday, was just so tired and was in bed by 930 lol!! Wednesday is my half day so that was nice today. Think I ve made the right decision, so far so good!!

Hi Malc, I can only echo what has already been said. Welcome xx Yes i have ventured into the dating too, not without its emotions too but hey its all life!! Do chat whenever you feel up to it.

Had a great day on Monday, the bands were fab. Like Lynne said in a text though I remembered this time last year and that was without Paul too. Where has the time gone! No tears this year though. Liam had a great time at Leeds (dont like the sound of the toilet situation there eeeh!!) Fiona ask Darren his story on it lol!! and when he got home we all went to Liverpool together and met friends.

Well I m off out for a meal tonight with G and back to work in the morning. Nearly the weekend lol!!!

Love to all

Helen xxx

Hi, helen

i'm absolutely fine with all the talk about going back to school - as long as i can cope financially, i shall have no regrets at all. it's like a massive burden has been lifted from me, and I shall look forward to some 'me' time, whatever that means.  I am so glad that you are so happy in your new job, and feel that you've made the right decision. 

"Life must be understood backwards; but... it must be lived forward."

Malc - careful what you say about teachers!!

sue xx

Sue, pleased you have no regrets. Unfortunately finances still have to come into it dont they and that was another part of my decision. Not as important as it used to be but we still have to pay the bills and afford our get togethers lol!!!

Life might be easier to understand backwards!!!!

Helen xxx

Thank you Sue that was very good advice.  See your not redundant as you are my new teaching guru!!  Im glad you are okay with the start of term but you obviously have so much to offer in the teaching world - are you going to look for new work?  You are right and I will give it a day or so to see if the school come back with anything and if they don't I will write a letter (and once I have calmed down too) with all the points.  I had obviously talked to my mum and sis and they were mad too but as I said to my mum we would be because it is so close and personal to us so it is good to get "outsiders" point of view to see that I wasn't overreacting.  Helen, so happy that your first day went well.  Enjoy your meal tonight with G xx

Malc you and I will be good friends - I can tell lol.  You are quite correct in that I am the baby of the group - the YOUNGEST penguin :)  Jamie has only just turned 6.  Thanks for the words and what a beautiful experience you had and thanks for the description of ghosts/spirits.  You are right and I have had a few "signs" but the childish part of me wonders why I don't ever "see" him.  Stupid I know.  I used to watch all these silly Most Haunted programmes, etc and Wully used to joke with me that he was going to come back and haunt me.  I think that has always stuck in my mind.  But like I said I do get signs.  The most infuriarting is that texts from my boyfriend always seem to get stuck at the most difficult moments.  Probably just my stupid phone but more than once I have thought it is Wully "warning" me or playing games with me.  I hope you get some comfort and good advise from this group.  Are you on FB?  We use that a lot and have a private group on there that we use to arrange our meets if you were interested.  We have two coming up in London and Glasgow.

Thank you Lynne.  I don't need to say anymore but I would be lost without you.  I feel like I am always moaning to you but you are an absolute angel.  You all are. And I need the support on here now even though 14 months on - just for different things now (mostly).  I had a good sleep there as the new painkillers I got totally wiped me out.  I couldn't face going to the school tonight so my mum picked Jamie up and is bringing them both back shortly.  And then I need to get on with this skip.  They are picking it up in the morning and don't want it to have been wasted money.  I also had a good thing happen last night as my sister phoned.  We haven't been getting on well now for quite a while as you all know but we talked last night for over an hour (mostly about my problems lol) and she was actually really good and gave me some good advice rather than just nagging.  In fact she straightened a few things in my head.  She is starting her second IVF any day now and I have offered to pay for it for her and she can pay me back when she can.  Lets hope it works this time.

Right I better go and start the clearing out process!  Take care penguins and thanks again.

Gayle xxx