My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening / morning everyone,

Just thought I would post now as just in from night out and about to hit the sack but just having a cuppa to try and stave off any hangover tomorrow (who am I trying to kid lol).  Lynne, good news that you are pressing on with the house and its all coming together.  Hope your hand feels a bit better but judging by FB it sounds like the alcohol will numb it tonight :-).  Rosemary,  I forgot to say thats great news about the wedding and you don't need to lose weight!  Patricia/Judi - hope you have fantastic holidays and can't wait to hear all about them.  And now I have forgotten what everyone else is doing lol....

I was out tonight with the girls and had a right good laugh.  Its good spending time with girlfriends (something I haven't been able to do for a good few years) and then we went to a couple of pubs.  I did have the unfortunate experience of being groped in one particularly busy pub so couldn't move away then the guy followed me but then some other sweet guy noticed and came and put his arm around me and pretended he was with me to get rid of him which was good lol.  I also (as per FB) got not one but two speeding notices through the post from different police forces from driving home from Aberdeen last week.  My own stupid fault and I am going to have to be so careful now.  That stretch of road is notorious for the number of cameras so I should have known better.  Apart from that had a good day as I went shopping with my mum and we had a nice time and went for lunch.  Although I did forget my handbag!!  I slept in this morning so was rushing out the door and never noticed till we got to Glasgow lol.  It was like being a teenager again as my mum had to pay for all my shopping lol.  Very convient :-)  I got a lovely bunch of flowers too which I wasn't expecting from my boyfriend so that was really lovely.  My mum was winding me up saying I just sent them to myself lol.  I'm having a quiet day in tomorrow starting to look at packing for the holidays and getting my work finished as I still have quite a bit to do before I stop then on Sunday I am taking the boys through to see Wully's family.  They haven't seen them since last September before we moved so I really feel I need to do it and this will be the last opportunity for a while as once we come back from our holidays Jamie is back at school.  I haven't heard anything more about my new house but the agent said it would take him a few days to phone back.  I did take the boys to see the outside and they love it.  Like I said it is really convenient for shops and stuff so will make a big difference to our lives I think.

Anyway, I am now just rambling so I will bid you all good night and hope you have nice weekends.

Gayle xxx

Hi, my husband died of cancer last June after knowing he had cancer for a very short 12 weeks.  He was very ill during those last 12 weeks and so we didn't really get the time to talk over everything.  It was very difficult for at least the first 3 months after his death, and very very slowly things got better ( in my head I mean).  It is now 13 months since his death and I now realise I have turned a corner.  There is no 'new' man in my life - but I have come to terms with being left behind to cope.  It has been the most difficult 18 months of my life but there is light at the end of the tunnel.  Everyone will tell you this but you think it will never come - it will.  Just struggle through day to day doing whatever you need to do.  The healing comes slowly.  My turning point was going on holiday with my 12 year old daughter a few weeks ago.  We went on an unusual holiday on a gulet (small sailing boat) in Turkey.  You are with about 18 other people from all walks of life - mainly middle aged couples - and it is amazing how you all gel.  I found myself watching their relationships and learning to socialise amongst couples as a single person.  It gave me immense strenght and peace of mind.  I actually came away willing to start up my life again - I have had a new haircut, stopped smoking and started a diet - all within days of returning from my holiday.  I really feel that my mourning period ( a time that I thought I would never change ) has finished and although I think of my husband on a daily basis, it is now different.  I miss him but I now accept he has gone and my life must go in.    Give it time - it will happen to you.  Good luck and a big hug X

Jennybb, thank you for the lovely, positive posting it is good to hear how others have coped and found that finally, in their own time they do manage to pick up the pieces and start a new life.  Your holiday sounds lovely and very different and quite life changing for you literally, good luck with everything and a hug to you too.

Gayle, glad you had a lovely evening/night, apart from the groping that is - you should deal with it in true Granny Weatherwax style, turn and confront the little so and so with a steady glare and just say "Would you please remove your hand" in a fairly loud voice, not shouting but enough to be heard.  The hard stare should do it if he wavers at all.  xxxxx

Off for a shower now, got to bed really late last night, but still managed to wake up earlier than planned.  Might have to try the reflexology I recommended earlier. See you all later xxxxx

Hi all -- Think I may have missed a few posts as I was just not picking up with the virus + beginning to feel v sorry for myself.I went to the surgery again on Friday + managed to see my own doc + he said it was sinisitus + gave me antibios. I'd spent a fortune on throat sweets + nasal sprays -- typical. Starting to feel a bit more human today --- hurrah. Actually went to town yesterday as I wasnt wanting to go out. I like the idea of reflexology as I used to have it when I was going to the carers sessions at the day centre. Hope everyone who is going away has a great holiday + everyone else has a great weekend. Love + hugs xx Lynda

Hi, Lynda

Glad you've got a diagnosis and some antibiotics - sinuusitis is horrible, I so hope you feel better soon. sometimes just getting out for an hour or so can be a tonic in itself. i felt obliged to do some retail therapy this morning as there was a bit of a sale on.......

jenny bb, thanks for your positive post; your holiday sound fun.

gayle, well done on the house business; whatever you decide will, i am sure, be he right decision for you and your lovely boys. will they need to change schools?

helen -  hope you're enjoying the break, next weekend sounds fab. i love Dirty dancing (the film, you understand, not actually doing it myself! too old for all that now)

judes, hun, hope munich is ready for you. Don't do a 'Lynne' - come back in one piece!  Rosemary, special hugs for you - I sense you're being a little evasive at the moment.  Lots of love anyway. Is it in reflexology that you have to have your feet manipulated?   if there is one thing that seta me off in manic laughter it's having my feet touched - not an ideal candidate, perhaps.

ailsa, glad you're enjoying Bex and Dex  staying with you;  are you managing to slow down at all yet?

Hope Patricia and Manda are enjoying their holidays.  Lynne, glad to see you're getting out a bit in the evenings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fiona, how's that baby? Lesley, very quiet, hun, are you OK?

well, my conservatory is littered with the remains of flying ants ant the powder which I used to get rid of them - guess what i'm going to be doing this afternoon? Oh, joy -  Dilly Dyson, time to come out of the cupboard and strut your stuff!

Have a good weekend, my penguins

love, Sue xx

Hi everyone

Just a quick post as my cousin is still with me and we have been busy.  Lynne, hope your hand is getting better now. Gayle congratulations on the new house, the log cabin also sounds like fun, Patricia have a wonderful holiday, you deserve to relax and enjoy yourself.  Helen congratulations on the new job.  Jennybb thank you for the positive post, gives me some hope.  My husband also was only diagnosed and then gone within months so we didn't have time to think never mind talk.

There are many more posts I wanted to reply to but my little brain cells have forgottten already. 

We had  a very good visit with our cousin and aunt in Montreal and then straight to New York State to meet with 3 other cousins.  After spending the nigiht we went back to one of their houses for the morning and lunch and then the 7 hour drive here.  I am tired of driving.  Thursday we had dinner at a friend of mine's house and yesterday went to Toronto to see a baseball game.  It was fun and our team won, we got back home quite late.  Today we had hoped to meet some other friends for lunch but I am worn out.  So think it will be a quiet day at home today and maybe a movie tomorrow before she goes back to Newfoundland on Monday.

I have really been on the go since leaving school at the beginning of July and I do need to stop and rest and get this house organized a little.  I am going to try to book my flight for Newfoundland for mid August to give me a week and a half or so here.  I do feel some peace from the time in Gaspe and Dan's memorial there, not closure, don't think there will ever be closure for me but I feel more at peace.

have a good weekend penguins, and so glad to hear so much positive news from so many of you

Afternoon everyone

Bren glad you re enjoying your hols, I was exactly last year in the 6 weeks holiday had to be busy busy to pass it x Bit easier this year xx

Lynda glad you re startng to feel bit better x

Hi Jennybb, your holiday sounds great and yes things do get easier.

Sue I am enjoying the break thanks, more so I think cuase I know its my last 6 weeks!! I ve agreed to go into job for a few days before I start to work in different rooms with all the staff and also have a day in the office to get my head round that. Start properly on the 31st August so got most of August off still. Yes I cant wait for dirty dancing, can just see you doing that Sue lol!!! Glad you re finding things to do too, who knows where it may lead x

Hope everyone is enjoying their hols. Rosemary take care, its hard when you re not sleeping.

Gayle and Lynne sound like they had good nights out last night.

I ve just been to the gym and had a swim and sauna with Nat. Off out for tea with my boyfriend as he s on nights so meeting for a bit before he goes to work. Its the anniversary of his sis`s death today, she died of cancer aged 42- 4 years ago so he s struggling a bit today too. We all know that dont we xx

Have a good Saturday everyone, after a wet horrible morning the sun is actually out here!!

Helen xxx

what sort of setting will you be working in, Helen?

It s a Day Nursery Sue. Although I m deputy manager I ll still be in a room with 3 - 5 years xx

That sounds brilliant ; you will be fab!

Have a lovely tea with boyfriend; give him a hug from the penguins on the anniversary of losing his sister.

Sue xx