My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Morning all -- I was rudely awakened  by my  son asking for change for the park + ride -- so I'm now catching up in front of the computer with a cuppa ( still in my jim jams mind ) I read your posts + dont think I'll ever get the hang of who'se who. Had my 5 pennorth worth in the breast screening cab yest -- whew forgotten how hard those things squeeze -- then went into morrisons ( thats where the unit was ) + did some shopping + had a cuppa -- really wished I had Cyril to laugh + chat with then. I am reading about your trips + feeling a bit envious -- but a friend is going to take a trip to copenhagen with me in december as that was the last hol Cyril + I had together -- we loved the city + had some good hols there as my son was living + working there for a few years. I may even pluck up enough courage to go to Beijing to see the family there next spring --I just find it hard   doing things on my own .. but as u girls say its early days . Well enough of my drivel -- love + hugs to all hope u all have a good day xx Lynda 

Morning girls

Got lots to do today - so will have to make a move soon....ummm when I've finished my cuppa that Alan very kindly made for me!!

Lynda - I'm sure that the other girls will agree that whatever you write is not 'drivel'.....We all need somewhere to set down our feelings - whether bad (how hard life has become being on your own) or good (your trip to Copenhagen later this year)......You will find the courage to go further afield as time goes on.....invite a friend/travelling companion and start saving!!!  China does sound so exciting!!!!

Did not make any notes (can't understand 'em anyway) so now can't remember what else I wanted to say!!!  So I will just say that I hope your Wedenesday is good and not too fraught with difficulties.......

And I'll leave love and (((((hugs))))) for everyone - cos you always appreciate a ((((hug))))..........

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

helen , sending you lots of hugs and good wishes for today.

     Sue and napoleon xx

Thank you Sue xxxxxx

I feel quite sick!!!! My head is full of policies and outcomes, etc, etc. Never revised this much for an interview lol!!

Lynda like Dot said nothing is drivel here, just say what you re thinking. It does help xxx

Gayle your log cabin sounds fab! Enjoy xx Me and my boyfriend (you ve used the word i will too....friend sounds odd doesnt it he he!!) are looking forward to a few days in the lakes in a cottage next month. Cant wait!!

Well I didnt ice skate or go to the pics yesterday we ended up in North Wales and the weather was lovely. Had a nice lunch and walk round Betsw y coed and then saw the waterfall at Swallow Falls. Really enjoyed it. Nat went out clubbing last night for the first time!! Did nt sleep until she was in but she was good and on time xx Hate it!!

Right I am going to go and get ready and will catch up on all your news later and let you know mine! Nat and I are going to watch Toy Story 3 and go out for tea later to celebrate or drown my sorrows lol

Have a good day everyone

Helen xxx

GOOD LUCK HELEN!!!!!!!!!  xxxxxxxxxx

Morning everyone,

Lynda, glad you got on okay with the breast screening.  I know what you mean about just having them there to go for a cuppa afterwards and a giggle.  It is horrible doing it on your own but it does get a bit easier (never easy unfortunately).  Your trips sound good and yes it is daunting going on your own.  I have had 2 holidays now since Wully passed away but I have two kids (aged 5 and 4) and went with them and my parents.  We are all going away again next week to Spain.  Not the same and not as good but it still gets me away and the kids love it and love having their grandparents there.  You will soon get to know us all and us you.  I am not sure whereabouts you are in the country but we do organise meets now and then for us "penguins" and they are a real tonic.  Its great to meet in person and have a good old chat.  We are all on facebook and usually organise them on there so if you are interested you can add me (or I can send you a private message through here) and I can send invites to our next 2 meets that we have organised.  One is in London in October and the other is in Glasgow at the end of October.

Helen, good luck today.  Job interviews are awful but they will love you!  Yes its your boyfriend :) Friend makes you sound like your 60 and have a travelling companion haha!!!  We saw Toy Story 3 on Saturday and there are a few bits where I needed my hankie!  The end is very sad and there is a bit in it where Woody and Buzz are having a touching moment and Woody says they will be together for infinity and beyond.  Awwww :)

I hope everyone else is doing okay and I am sending you all hugs.  I am working away and then going to the docs later.  I have a few things that are wrong (need to take a list!) which I think are all related (and started after the birth of Ewan) and to be honest I keep putting off going as I don't think its something that can be sorted easily.  I've also got a lump in my back that I was supposed to go into hospital and have removed but I put that off too as I didn't want the boys knowing I was going into hospital as they would worry.  Anyway, I have been sufficiently nagged enough to now go so we will see what he says!  I had Jamie back at the dentist today.  When we went on Monday he said he needed another filling as the infection had tracked to another root of a tooth so I took him back for it today.  When he went last week with his granda he was fine but of course not today!  He was sobbing getting the jag but I think it was because I was there and he just wanted his mummy.  So I had to hold his hand (which he didn't need last week) and sit and stroke his arm.  I hate seeing him crying and then I have to fight back the tears.  Then I had to hold his hand and sit close to him while he got the filling.  It was horrible - I kept feeling sick haha!!  What a help I am!  And now I have Ewan going next week for a checkup and he is an absolute nightmare so I am dreading it.  I will be lucky if he even opens his mouth as he is really funny about that kind of thing and likes to pretend hes mummys wee baby.  Oh the joys!  Also got some exciting news about my sister.  She is currently going through IVF and she has is going in today to get the fertilised eggs put back in.  So can everyone please keep everything crossed for her as she so desperately wants a baby.  We will find out in 2 weeks time if it has worked.

Gayle xxx

Hi everyone

Helen ... I also noticed that Gayle had used the 'boyfriend' word and had a big smile to myself - so now I am doubly smiling cos you have used it too!  Hope the interview went well - how couldn't it when it was you they were seeing!!!!   When you haven't been interviewed for as many years as I hadn't it is very nerve-racking isn't it!!  But therefore good for us no matter what the outcome.

Gayle - get yourself down to that surgery now young lady ...... with your list!  I will be thinking of you and the boys setting off for Spain and just feel it in my bones that you will really, really enjoy it this time.  Take a breath, relax and chill.    And get your boys used to the dentist.  My dad was a dental surgeon so I will nag you until I know they are going regularly!!

Lynda - drivel, drivel ..... I am sorry that no where near qualifies as drivel!!!!  You should read some of my posts.  Know exactly what you mean about the 'chat'.  Not the same with anyone else is it?  Copenhagen sounds lovely.  I went for a long weekend once with some girlfriends when one of them was living there, you are right it is beautiful.  Expect tears and smiles if you have been before with your darling - all appropriate.  In fact, expect tears and smiles no matter where you go.  You get them when you revisit somewhere because you have memories and then you go somewhere new and you get tears because there aren't any memories!  and that can almost seem worse!!!!!   Sometimes there is no pleasing us penguins. (((((((     )))))))))

Lynne, I really hope you are making sure that you are looking after than hand, it looks SO sore.  Sue, I saw that you are having a special day tomorrow - enjoy.  They will love having you there.  And tell you daughter to stop eating all your sweets!!! Or at least to send the Bountys to me if she doesn't like them!!

Need to think about packing soon, have to be at the airport by 5am on Friday ... and tomorrow night George the joiner and I are going round to my new house to measure up etc.  So might be forced to put the ironing board up tonight You guys just KNOW that ain't going to happen!!

Will be back later to see how everyone is.   Dottee, does Alan do coffee in bed too, cos he can always pop up here with a flask you know.

Loads of love to all - Judi xxxxxxx

Evening everyone.  I have to confess that I finally went too far last night and was still apinting until after 10.  There was a genuine reason as the joiner was coming back to do a job today and I was supposed to have painted a frame first.  However it took far longer than I thought to finish the painting and I got really mad with myself so now I am having a few evenings off.  I am  enjoying catching up on your posts.  Gayle I think Becky, Declan & I are going to see Toy Story tomorrow evening.  Helen did you go today?  I have been told there are a couple of sad moments in it so I will be ready with my tissues.  Helen I hope everything went well today for you.  Wales with your boyfriend sounds like it was lovely.  It is both lovely and really funny to read you and Gayle finally referring to your boyfriends - about time to.  All the very best to you both xxx. 

Gayle I hope you are going to get those health niggles sorted out.  I have been trying to get my back fixed for nearly a year now.  I had problems with out from after the kids but damaged it moving Chris.  It is finally showing signs of improving which I think is down to the pilates.  I also addressed another little health issue this week.  Judi - you mentioned considering whether you might need some help from HRT.  I have been taking it for about 6 years now as that little problem kicked in quite early for me.  Since I passed 50 my GP was nagging me to try to stop taking it.  I wouldn't do it while Chris was ill but last summer I started trying to wean myself off.  I have tried so hard for the past 13 months but everytime I get to taking it any less than 3 times a week I start with the power surges again.  Last week I decided enough was enough and my usually useless doctor needed to help me manage this.  I went back yesterday and we decided that as the risks in my case are very low and I think the risk of me crashing my car through lack of sleep are probably far greater, I am going to start taking it properly again.  I am already feeling the benefit just 3 days later.  I know it isn't for everyone but in my case it makes me feel about 10 years younger just because I can sleep.

Sorry if that is an over share for any gents reading this (Dave) but I have noticed a few posts recently to do with our own health niggles quite possibly from the situation we all find ourselves in these days.  I have definately neglected my own health while Chris was ill and for a good long time afterwards.

Posting before I lose anything... 

Oohhh Gayle how exciting for your sister , i've got everything crossed for her , i think i told you my youngest son and His wife also had to have ivf and it did work first time (thank goodness )  2 weeks seems along time to wait tho , i know my DIL did a pregnancy test the week after and it was positive but the clinic wouldn;t accept it untill she'd had a scan , anyway the result is little Maddie ..

Helen i do hope everything has gone well today , how soon before you know anything ?  Lynda , you really will soon find out who everyone is , the resident clown is Judi .. The resident wise lady  is Sue . The "doc" is Rosemary . The angel giver is Patricia . The drunks are Helen , Gayle and Amanda . The busy bee is Ailsa . The calm logical ones are Fiona , Bren and Lesley . Quill and Dottee drops by now and again to offer words of comfort too .. but all in all they are all a fantastic bunch who i rely on so much and as for me .. well i'm just me xxxx

Take care all

Lynne xxxx

Hi Judi - forget the ironing board - I just have.  It was on the list for tonight but just decided to watch top gear instead.  Packing is important though as Munich will be great fun.

Helen - chickening out of ice skating indeed!  I used to be able to skate but not sure I could do it now.  Glad Nat & you survived Nat's first clubbing trip.

Lynda I am so glad you managed your mammogram okay.  They are rotten things at the best of time.  Your posts are not drivel at all.  It is hearing what we are all up to that keeps us all sane.  Copenhagen is really something to look forward to and then possibly China as well.  That will be lovely.

Fiona that is such sad news about another family affected by cancer.  I find it really useful making notes of posts, in fact I don't think I can post without notes and even then I miss things all the time.

Sue I expect that dispite the bill it is worth the piece of mind now the cats have been to the vets.  Sounds like it was a nightmare catching them and persuading them to go though!  Sorry you didn't get many of your choccies.

How is your hand Lynne?  It is good to hear that your Dad has a date for his operation.  I hope this one gives him some relief from his symptoms.  Swimming as well as jogging - what is the world coming to?  Dot is your get up & go back now?  You sound easily sidetracked by a cuppa.  How lovely to get one made for you - hint, hint Becky!!

Gayle the boys will get used to going to the dentist.  It is well worth keeping at it.  Toni's mouth was too small for her teeth and it was only regular trips to the dentist when she was little that saved her from a fairly ugly looking  mouth.  Instead she has a smile to be proud of.  Declan had to have quite a lot of work done recently as he had been missing some of his teeth when he was brushing and Becky hadn't noticed.  Luckily only milk teeth were affected but he had an anesthetic to remove 3 of them so that he wouldn't get scared at this early stage in his life.  You want to avoid that for the sake of your nerves as well as the lads.  Becky felt awful for letting it happen.  Have a great time in Spain next week.  The log cabin sounds absolutely lovely - just my kind of break.

Well I should get off as I have a curfew.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx