My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Love the pic Sue ha ha and hugs to Gayle from me too xx Enjoy your day Sue, sounds busy x

Well I was going to lots of housework today but have been to the vets with my baby for his blood tests and they re all clear and then spent the rest of the morning on the computer booking London!! I am so mean, been looking for best deals lol!! Finally booked....2 nights in London, watching Dirty Dancing and some time for sight seeing and shopping. We are even travelling first class on the train on way there which will be a treat!! Also booked to go and watch Hairspray in Liverpool as I had some theatre vouchers to use off my brother. Friend has booked for cottage in Keswick for us too so quite excited about the hols now!!!

Lynne hope your camping goes well, I love camping!! Maybe that could be a penguin gathering!! Middle of a field somewhere lol x Hoping to get to Manchester but not sure yet.

Right need to do some housework, catch you all later

Helen xxx

Rosemary, yes I was watching Penguin Island too. My daughter and her partner have actually been there and seen the penguin parade when all the tiny penguins come in out of the sea.

Gayle, I hope your day is improving (((((hugs)))))

Helen, how industrious you have been. So many trips booked. I hope you enjoy it all.

Have a good evening all you lovely penguins whatever you may be doing. Wherever you may be.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Just a quick post as about to bath kids and will pop back on later but just have to say I love that pic Sue!  That definitely made me laugh out loud and that is so me today!  Day hasn't improved but my sense of humour has :-) xx

Evening everyone.  Gayle I also hope that your day soon improves to catch up with your sense of humour.  Helen have great fun at all your excursions.  They all sound like lovely things to fill your time with.  I will get back to some of those kind of things soon I am sure.  Sue the picture was great again and I was so impressed with the ones for Lynne's camping last night.  Good luck with that Lynne - you'll do it now just to prove you can!!!  Helen I love camping as well so a camping penguin meet would be a great treat for me.  We will have to see what we can do.  Rosemary I didn't see the penguin island programme which is a shame - I'll have to see if it is on again.  Patricia you were up late last night - hope you are okay.  Enjoy your holiday even if you have chickened out of camping!  When are you going?

I am going out this evening to meet my mum & dad at the quiz as we are all busy over the weekend and I won't see them.  I am taking Becky & Declan down to Bracknell to collect a few more things.  We need to mow her lawn while we are there I think!!  It is my 33rd wedding anniversary tomorrow.  Seems strange that this is the 2nd wedding anniversary I have had without Chris now.  I am going to keep myself busy but I will be going to the cemetery with some flowers before I set off south.  I will drink a toast to us both when I get to Becky's.  Other than that I will just make sure I don't have time to think about it too much.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Ailsa, the holiday starts on the 31st July. We are driving through the night to try to avoid most of the traffic. I have never driven so far before so it will be something of a challenge. I hope you enjoy your quiz evening. ((((((hugs))))))) for tomorrow.. difficult day but with the love and support of the penguins you will get through.

Gayle I am glad your mood if not your day has improved somewhat. x x

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hello everyone,

I'm back now the boys are in bed.  Ailsa, I'm glad you are feeling a lot calmer but you still sound very busy.  I will be thinking of you tomorrow xxx  Lynne, camping sounds interesting!!  Think I would like to see those photos too.  The tent I bought for T in the Park was hilarious.  You basically pulled it out the bag and it just erected itself.  Very sickening for my friends although I ended up building their tent too.  A bit harder to just pop it back into the bag though (with a hangover and the rain lol).  Helen, your trips sound great.  Dirty Dancing should be a really good show and going to London.  I love London so really looking forward to our meet as I haven't been for ages.  My sister lived there for a long time so used to go a lot when I was younger.  Keswick sounds great too.  Wully and I had a lovely holiday in the lake district.  Me and my friend are talking about going away to a log cabin up north soon for a break but not sure when as I am really busy as per usual and he works away so is only home 1 week in 4 at the moment which is a complete pain.  Sue, hope your bug is a bit better and you sounded like you had a nice day planned today so I hope you enjoyed it.  Your holiday sounds great too Patricia.  Its only 2 weeks on Saturday until I go to Spain for a week and starting to get planning for it with buying new stuff for kids and booking taxi's, etc.  I am really looking forward to a rest, lying by the pool in the sunshine for a week.

Well my day didn't get much better unfortunately.  I have lost 3 laptops recently (which had the files backed up but not emails) and when I plugged my iphone into one that had just been rebuilt it wiped my phone and restored it to factory default.  I was in tears.  It is so trivial (and I was just saying to my mum today that it is a good thing that the biggest catastrophe in my life is my phone not working) but I was absolutely gutted.  I had loads of photo's, texts and emails that I wanted to keep and they are all gone.  I also lost all my contacts but managed to restore most of them through my work server.  I am still really upset about - my own stupid fault for not backing it up so tonight my job is to find out how to back it up properly for future.

I've had a mixed week so that probably hasn't helped.  I have not been happy at work for a while now because of the pressure so I spoke to my boss and I think he is going to sort it - if he doesn't I have decided to leave and work for myself.  He says he is going to give me a pay rise and a few other perks so I will see what happens when I see him on Monday.   Add to that the miserable weather, tiredness and pmt and what hope do I have :-)  I also have a question for my wise penguings.  I hope I don't offend anyone by asking this but you lot are the best in advice that I know.  I have been seeing someone for about 3 months now.  It is a bit of fiery relationship and an emotional rollercoaster but the L word has now been said so pretty serious.  Im not wanting him to meet the kids or my parents yet or for a long time (partly because he is never here because of work) but I do talk about him to my mum.  My mum and dad adored Wully as you all know but know that I date and say that they are happy that I am happy.  However, whenever I mention this guy they change the subject.  They never ask about him or comment on anything.  Now I don't know if this is because it has been a bit rocky in the past and we broke up twice although have sorted things for the minute, or if it is because of Wully.  Do I broach the subject or just leave it and see what happens, for as we all know things can change very quickly in our lives and how we feel about situations?  I just worry that they will never accept anyone and always compare them to Wully and noone will ever be good enough.  Even if it doesn't work with this guy (which there is a high chance it won't) there is bound to be someone else in mine and the boys lives.  Sorry for heaping on you all and I hope I haven't offended anyone.  Anyway, I am away to look up backing up phones!

Take care penguins and hugs to you all.

Gayle xxx

Gayle, how on earth can you even think that you would offend any of us? We are all here to offer support either in words or just by sending hugs. As you have asked the question, here is my answer. Perhaps they find it difficult at the moment to think that anyone other than Wullie could be in your life in a romantic way. I am sure that as you say, they are happy for you and in time would come to accept the new man in your life (if it becomes more permanent).  They loved Wullie very much and of course they will to a degree use comparison but in time I feel sure that would become less and less. However, it is your life dear Gayle, yours and the boys and ultimately it has to be your decision if and when you let someone new enter that special sanctum.  As the mum of someone almost your own age, I imagine that is how I would be if one of my kids were in your position.

Take care and good luck on the job front and on the computer front.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Gayle as you know I am in similar situation xx Kids have been great and met him and chatted but dont talk about it much. My parents are not alive but did the hardest thing in the world by telling my in laws. Didnt want them to find out from anyone else. Well I told Father in law for him to tell Mum in law.It hasnt been mentioned again although they said they knew it would happen one day and Paul had told them it would and to expect it. Maybe your mum and dad are worrying as Paul s dad is and said he hopes I m not doing it down to grief and loneliness. Believe me I have questioned myself over and over again but how we can ever know or answer that? I just know I am very happy and loving what I ve got at the moment. How can that be wrong?

I havent pushed the subject to be honest. they know and I m not doing anything wrong (well I dont think so) but they dont want to chat about it. Your mum knows and maybe just needs time and will see how happy it makes you so surely can only be pleased for you. I know my 2 have seen a much happier mum so must be easier for them xx

Big hugs Gayle, never be worried about asking for advice, god knows I find it helps to know I m not the only one feelin like this. Hope you sort work out too

Take care

Helen xxx

Of course we aren't offended, but I know why you say it and it's still fine.  Honest opinion coming up now (so please don't be offended, being a Scorpio my honest opinions are often more honest than expected).  My first thought was "good for Gayle" but as I read further an alarm bell rang with the "fiery relationship" and the fact that you have broken up a few times and not really sure if it will work out.  That is probably why your mum isn't as happy as you would like - I can see my Sam saying much the same about me to her friends over Wayne, we worry about our daughters, your happiness is what come first and foremost always and forever.  You are still very vulnerable and it's good that this man makes you happy and that you are able to consider another relationship and moving on into another life with someone, you should and no-one is going to judge you (and if they do it's none of their business anyway) for your sake and the sake of the boys Wully would not expect you to become a nun I'm sure.  So as a mum I would also worry over you but you are a sensible girl and you aren't rushing into anything or risking the boys getting hurt by meeting him and getting attached if it then goes wrong, but a mum still worries that her little girl is going to get hurt too.  If I were you I wouldn't try to broach the subject too much at the moment, let things carry on as they are, mention him, don't hide the fact that you like him, but wait a while until you are clearer in your feelings and then talk to your mum and explain how you feel and that you would really like her to meet him and would hope that one day she could accept and like him.  Also for your mum there was safety in Wully, she knew him, she loved him and she knows how much you loved him too, she also grieves for him too and will be wishing that things hadn't changed as they have, but they have and she has to find a way of learning to live with the things she can;t change but you want to.  (Am I making any sense here?)  She wants to protect you, but she has to remember that you have to make your own mind up, make mistakes if you have to, but also trust you to make good judgements too and not rush in like a young teenager in love - which I'm not saying you are, because you aren't.  We worry as mums, you do it and you will do it as the boys get older too (my goodness borrow Daniel for a month, you wouldn't want to hear some of the things....)  In many ways I would love to meet someone else, but for the first year I have steered away from a few people that I would love to have leaned on as I know myself well, I would have fallen in love for all the wrong reasons, which doesn't mean that ultimately one of them wouldn't have actually been the right one in the end, just that I wouldn't have been ready.  I needed to find me first, I needed to know that I can cope with all this on my own, deal with life and run the house etc etc much as I hate doing it on my own, but know that I can before I allow myself to become part of a relationship again.  Sorry Gayle I have rambled and waffled on here but wanted to tell you as I would Samantha, and she knows how much I pour out once I get started, you are a dear friend and you matter so I don't want you getting hurt, but hope that actually he will come through and be lovely for you.  Good luck with it all and good luck backing up your iphone - I know how devastating that must have been, it happened with one of my phones when I tried a different one and wiped out my saved messages, including the last one Steve sent to me.  Take care my love xxxx

Thank you ladies, and I knew you would give the perfect wise answers - where would I be without you all?  I think you are right in that my mum knows this relationship has been a bit rocky and part of that has been him being scared of his feelings and of course me being scared too.  The last time we fell out for a couple of days was the 1st anniversary so perfectly understandable now.  It didn't last long and we made up and then actually sat down and talked properly about how we felt about each other - everything out in the open - no secrets and since then it has been great but not without its complications (which is another story!).  So yes, you are right Rosemary, I am probably rushing in a bit like a teenager in love (and I like that you are honest) but 99% of the time I am happy about that as it makes me feel very happy and very loved and as we know life is too short.  If it was all to end tomorrow then I would survive (I have survived worse!) but I would also have the lovely memories and the happy thoughts of what I did have if thats makes sense?  I also get what you are saying about finding "you" Rosemary.  After the first anniversary I do feel a lot clearer and a lot more stable than I did before and certainly not as scared about my future.  I know that I can look after my boys, hold down my job and have lots of good friends who care about me.  But there is something missing.  My mum was very close to Wully and I know she misses him a lot.  But thinking about it now after things you have all said i think a lot has to do with the boys.  As you know my mum and dad care for them a lot with my social and work life so are very close to them and fiercely protective.  In fact my mum said to me a few weeks ago when we were talking about someone else who had remarried that she would be happy for us as long as the boys were happy and that the new person cared for them.  Like I said though that step is a long way away.  He did suggest it last week and I point blank said no way.  I don't want them involved until I am 100% certain about someone.  I am also fiercely protective of them and perhaps wrap them up in cotton wool a bit much but they have had way too much trauma in their lives to be put through anything else.  With them being young and being boys they love men and if I introduced them to someone they would be very attached and have us married in a week lol.  In fact they met my sisters brother in law when I was at T in the Park and after 5 minutes of meeting him they were telling him that he should marry me lol!!!   Poor guy didn't know what to say lol.  Never mind the fact I have only met him once haha!

Anyway, thank you all again - perfect answers and I think I will go with what you have suggested and just leave this idling along and when "that" time comes then I can broach it with my mum whether it be with this guy or the next :-)  I am sure I will know when the time is right and if I don't then I can just ask you lot!

Gayle xxxx