My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi everyone. Thanks for your messages.  I was able to go to sleep once I posted although I was awake again before 7 thinking of all the things that needed to be done!!  That is me all over - there is no hope!

Thank you Patricia.  I hope you have had a lovely time for your birthday with your family today.

Dot I hope your hands are not too bad as you have been looking forward to getting on with your card making again once the dust settles.  If the length of time it took to get the work done in your house is anything to go by your pile of dust  will be far bigger than mine - I'm just being a baby about Chris not being here.  I managed to clear the dust in the sitting room today and cleared some in the 'building site' as well so not feeling so bad this evening.

Becky, Declan & I have been for a nice walk around the places they want to live and then we went to Mum & Dad's for a bbq so I have relaxed a bit this afternoon.

Lynne well done with the race - the tribute was lovely and completely unexpected - thankyou xxx.  I like what you say about the kitchen and that Gordon would love it.  I need to stop fretting that Chris has missed this and start thinking about how proud and happy he would be that it is well on the way to being done at last.

Rosemary I hope you have had a nice day with your in-laws.  Everyone has their own way of dealing with their bad news and if carrying on in their usual way helps that that can be no bad thing.  Even though I didn't manage a lie-in I am calming down about the garage so there is a chance of re-charging myself tonight I think.

Judi is there any sign of better weather up your way yet?  I think ours is due to break tomorrow.  Your house move sounds like it is moving forwards so that is good news.

Helen I hope you are enjoying the footie after a lovely meal.  Gayle I saw your pics on FB - looks like you have had a lovely, muddy time.

Bren I am glad you managed to meet with your friend for a meal - there seem to be a lot of meals this weekend! Have a lovely time in Gaspe.  I know you are nervous about it but Danny will be right by your side xx

That is the end of my first week with Becky & Declan living here.  All seems to have gone well and Becky says she hasn't been this happy for a long long time.  That is the best news I could hear.  Eight months ago I didn't know what to do with her but she seems to have come through it.  I hope everyone else is okay this evening and has a decent weekend.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Thank you all for your nice comments on F/b i'm glad you like my little trribute to your wonderful men , but i'll admit it was Sue who gave me the idea after writing something on her back about the penguins  so thank you Sue xxx . I really enjoyed it (i think ) this morning , the gorls decided we should go with the joggers as it took ages to even set of last year so we set off at a jog and 5 of the girls just kept running and did the race in under 30 mins but me , sis , my daughter and neice half jogged half walked and did it in 50 mins so we are all pleased with that . I'll admit i've done nothing all day after the race but i really needed a chill out lol . Hope everybody else has had a good day . Think today os the last of the good weatherJudi so we'll be joining you with our jumpers on tommorow ...

Take care all

Lynne xxxx

Judi, I can't knit as fast as Rosemary so I am afraid my paultry effort might take some time to reach you (probably by next spring).

Dot, I hope you're hands get better soon.

Ailsa, well done on clearing up the builders mess, but please try to slow down just a little.

Lynne, well done on your RFL. Thanks you for including Ray in your list of people. He would be so pleased to be remembered by people who never knew him in life. A bit like being a celebrity.

Sue, Helen good luck on the job front.

I hope Gayle is enjoying her weekend.

Bren, take care and drive safely.

Well I have had a lovely weekend. Last night I was out with my eldest son and his wife, my daughter and my youngest son and two of their friends (why they wanted an old crone with them is beyond me). We had lovely Japanese meal then went for drinks (soft ones for me) in one of the old fashioned town bars. Today we had a Greek meal and went back to my daughter's for coffe and home made cream and strawberry cake (yum yum). After that I visited my mother in law and ended up staying for my evening meal. I have also seen my sister and her partner and my niece and her younbg daughter (what a cutie).  Tomorrow being my actual birethday I am planning to go up to the place where Ray and mum's ashes are. If the weather is fine I intend to have my lunch up there and sit for a while with my book. (knowing my luck the heavens will open). Thank you all for your kind good wishes. I am missing Ray very much and sooo wish he was here with me. But.. as I know this is not possible, I just have to deal with it.

Sue, thinking of you for your special day tomorrow x x x x

Love and angel hugs to you all x x x Patricia x x x

Oh Patricia, I'm so glad that you enjoyed your weekend, and were surrounded by your lovely family. i hope the weather stays fine for you tomorrow.

Judes - sorry, hun, but I wish it would cool down here, and we coud do with a stonking thunderstorm to clear the air.

Lynne, once more , welll done and thank you.  I toyed with the idea of putting names on my card, but i was so worried that I'd forget someone that i chose the 'penguins' bit instead.

gayle, so glad that you enjoyed yout TITP even though it rained ; loved the photo on fB.

ailsa, my dear, I am so pleased that your Bex is happy at last - how lovely for you to be able to enjoy their company, and that they will be closer to you.

rosemary, if you find that your pool is surpisingly empty tomorrow, it will be due to the water displacement caused by Napoleon and his human in a desperate attempt to cool down!

Helen - hope you enjoyed watching the bad-tempered football match tonight, and that your meal was good.

quill, hun, will speak tomorrow - thank you for all your support, you are always there for me, and are such a special friend.

bren hope you have a wonderful time in Gaspe with your family; I know it will have its difficult moments, as it holds so many special memories for you. thinking of you.

teri, you've been very quiet this week - hope your family issues are resolving themselves .

10 MORE DAYS TO GO!!!

I've had a pleasant day today, went out for lunch with my lovely daughter helen; we sat outside a local hostelry, and ate far too much as usual.

sue xx

Hello everyone,

Well I am back in one piece!  I have been like bouncy tigger all day today.  I had an absolutely amazing time despite the weather.  My friend and I and her boyfriend got on like a house on fire and just had a total laugh.  No worries, no thinking about anything - just enjoying the moment and it was the perfect tonic.  Back to the old me and my friend has helped a lot in that.  We were best friends at school and after a few wines we were all soppy with each other and saying how glad we were that we are back in touch.  She has helped me be happy in my own skin and more confident and not relying on anyone else to make me happy.  We were like that at school and hardly bother with boys lol - we were more intent on having a giggle when we out.  Her boyfriend is lovely too as that is the first time I have spent a long time with him and at one point we were carrying on and he was down in the mud on his knees pleading with me and people going past thought they were witnessing a marriage proposal at TITP - very funny and no doubt Jane will put the pics on FB.  He was nervous about going with just 2 girls but we got on amazing and he didnt want me to go home lol.  I said he can move in with me as long as he does the cooking and can babysit!  I also saw my favourite band Muse (the one I got the tattoo of) and they were out of this world and actually got a bit emotional (but that could have been to do with the wine).  I slept okay in the tent but had hangover from hell yesterday so didn't drink and drove home after the acts which I was glad of as I got a good sleep in my own bed.  Sorry I missed todays acts though but I had to get the boys and back to work tomorrow.  My friend keeps texting me updates and pics which is making me jealous lol.  So today I am just totally enjoying this wonderful happiness (and hopefully spread it around) as we all know it can all disappear tomorrow but live for the moment is my motto at the moment!!

I am so sorry to hear that some of you are having hard times.   Ailsa - sending you big hugs.  You are an amazing lady and Chris will be very proud that you are getting this work done and once it is finished it will be brilliant.  Thanks for the text.  Lynne, well done today and thanks again for the tribute - very touching and a lovely gesture.  Patricia - glad you got spoiled for your birthday and hope you are okay tomorrow.  Judes, sending you warming hugs.  Its cold here today too.  Fiona, not long till Rod Stewart!!!  Helen, good luck with the job application and good luck with the cooking tonight!!!  Hope your cooking is better than mine lol.  I think I will be ordering takeaway when my friend stays for a few nights this week :)  Sue, hang in there - you too are a wonderful person and I know the next 10 days are going to be hard for you but we penguins are at the ready!  Rosemary, glad you have got over the initial shock and look after yourself.  Sorry if I have missed anyone but I am a bit hyper today lol. 

For the Scottish meet, I wanted to post on here as I know there is a mixture of share and MW on POA on FB (wow that was a lot of abbreviations lol).  Anyway, what I was going to say was that if the penguins who are coming up to Scotland on Friday who are not staying at my house, I can book a hotel local to me rather than Glasgow (which is about 35 mins away) and then on Friday night you can all come to my house for a penguin party and then on Saturday we can make our way up to Glasgow together and then travel back together on the train which is quick, or I can book you into Glasgow and we will meet you on the Saturday.  What would be the preference?  I will also look into the logistics for London but desperately need ideas for a venue - what about Camden?

Gayle xxx

Evening All,  Hope everybody doing ok? Hope you have had a good day Patricia and Happy Birthday. Well done Lynne in doing the race for life i miss doing it but it's to far away now as they stopped the one in Dumfries. Gayle glad you had a good time at tea in the park, you need to catch up on your sleep now. Hope boys were ok when you were away and no accidents. Ailsa sending you hugs you are so busy with your garage. Helen also sending you good luck in your  application for a new job. Not been up to much this weekend went to a friends last night and had a wee wine, and just housework today. Bud racing about here hope he settles soon. Judi hope you get somewhere with your house this week. What is it boy is doing at uni? Rosemary so sorry to here about your fil it is so hard but i am sure you will get the strengh from somewhere to help them both. Brenda hope you are having a good time. S ending everyone hugs Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxx

Evening everyone

Gayle glad you had a great time and found some of the `old` you, your photos are great xx Have fun with your friend too xx and your takeaways lol xx

Lynne great pics and lovely to think of all our loved ones too, thanks again x

Well I have spent most of tonight filling in my application form!! Aaaarggh, got brain strain, a stiff neck and writers block lol!! Nearly done it, will finish it tomorrow then hand it in Wednesday. Had a lovely night last night, meal was a success and enjoyed the company and football lol!!!

Fiona your cat sounds crazy hee hee, keeps you busy!!!

Patricia glad you ve been spoilt xxx Sue sending you big hugs xxx Look forward to a rest if nothing else xxx Ive got 7 days left!!!

Ailsa big hugs to you too, hope things are going to plan xxx

Well bedtime for me, tired tonight. House is still so quiet without Nat. Liam is out most of the time so been home alone again tonight. House is also tidy lol!! I know who makes the mess now!!!

Night everyone

Helen xxx

Evening, all

to all of you for your support over the last week or so. It has been fantastic to know that so many people were thinking of me; people that i didn't even know a year ago!   you have saved my sanity, I do believe.   i feel much cheerier now.

my boss has said that as as soon as i get my classroom emptied next week, i can go;  i don't need to help to move stuff into the new school , or help to set up classrooms. Yee - hah! I'll work like crazy on Monday and Tuesday, then hopefully that will be it.   can't wait.

Loads of love to you all

sue xx

Hi all

Well Sue I am so glad that your boss has taken the appropriate course and is trying to be nice/helpful/thoughtful about the situation.  Sometimes even a little bit of consideration can make all the difference can't it.  Hugs for today, although a little late - apologies for my tardiness.

You guys are all putting me to shame, sometimes I read all that you have been doing and where you are off out to and I wonder what I am doing wrong.  Just about all my friends are either married or in couples etc so weekends are often a case of walking the dogs and reading!! Not so very wild really.  Having family spread all around the UK is not always such a good thing I guess. Working fulltime helps with filling in the time much better now, just need to work on the idea of finding a life outside work!!

Glad that you had a good time at TITP Munchkin, your friend sounds fantastic, as does her boyfriend.  Lovely when it all 'just works'.   Lynne, Lynne, Lynne - I bet your legs aren't jelly enough to stop the 'North pose'.  You even manage it when standing in running gear!!

Loads of love to everyone - Judi xxx

Hi everyone.  I'm a bit late tonight.  It is lovely but hard work having a house full on top of the building work.  Not much time for me.  Lynne I hope you have recovered from the RFL now.  How is the knitting going Rosemary?  I can knit so perhaps I con join in with something for Granny Judes to give to the new baby?  I was catching up on the posts when you nearly caught me out by posting Judi.  How are you?  I think my social life must be similar to yours - non -existant!  Although I have been very lucky living close enough to meet a few friends from here & FB in recent weeks.  I still miss my old social life badly.  I have also noticed that the majority of my friends, being couples, seem to have stopped calling as often as they used to.  I suppose it is inevitable but still disappointing.  Just as I am starting to feel like I am ready to go out a little more as well.

Patricia you sem to have had a lovely birthday weekend and been well looked after by your family.  Ray would be so pleased they have made sure you had a good time xx

Sue I am glad you had such a pleasant Sunday and feel like today has gone olay as well.  It is good that your boss is going to let you get off without having to do the move first.  If you are looking to finishing I hope you are able to get a good rest for a while before you decide what to do next.

Gayle the TITP photos are great and your friends sound lovely.  I loved reading your account of your weekend.  For the Scotland meet I am in favour of the hotel near you option.  I would love to come to yours on the Friday and then make our way into Glasgow on Saturday.  For the London meet I am not much help as I don't know London much at all.  I am very happy to go with the flow - Camden sounds good.

Fiona Bud sounds like he is still keeping you on your toes.  When is your Rod Stewart concert?

Helen enjoy the quiet house while you can as it never lasts!!  It has only been just over a week since Bex  Dex moved in I already can't remember peace & quiet - it's nice though.

Well I hope everyone else is okay this evening.  The weather has finally broken here so it will be easier to sleep tonight at least.  Don't know why but I am really not feeling tired tonight.  Need to sleep though for work in the morning.  I am getting more used to the work in the garage so it is not upsetting me so much now.  Take care everyone.  Goodnight.  Ailsa xxx