My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Okay - enough now!  All this talk of sleeping on top of the duvet, sleeping downstairs, jumping in the pool because you are too hot .... just stop it!!!   This morning my heating had come on because it was too cold - it has been grey and raning ALL day.  Just not funny.

Helen - have I missed a post? .. new job, tell me more.  Lynne, hope you are fast asleep by now with yoru trainers on ready to jump out of bed and start running - good on you darling.  So glad to hear that dad is feeling a little better at the moment.  Rosemary my darling - you are absolutely right, you will be there for your FIL and MIL, and you will be an amazing tower of strength, I just know it .... now could you throw that spare duvet my way please, my thick cardi isn't doing the trick. 

Sue, planning stage sounds good right now to me.  This 'doing stuff' ... for which I mostly blame Ailsa, Gayle, Helen ... oh and Dottee ..... if fact any one but me!  is really quite exhausting.  Sterr well clear hun.  Difficult days ahead maybe, and quite emotional - so huge WARM hugs from me. 

Patricia of course your lovely family want to look after you on your birthday, and they will - 'bump' and all!  Have a good day hun. 

I wont' bore you with the house saga, just to say it still goes on.  But I hope, I hope, I hope to have it finalised this coming week, then I can really go looking in earnest.

To everyone else - loads and loads of love (well seeing as there has been a south of the border, where the sun shines, ban on cosy hugs!)  Fiona - you and I can give each other a big warm hug ...... unless of course you have defected to the 'sunny side!'

Hi everyone.  I've tried to go to bed but had to give in and get up again.  I hope that if I post I might be able to settle.  This building work is making me miss Chris so much.  The house is filthy and there is stuff everywhere and it is so hard to find the energy to keep going at it.  I am really surprised that after 14 months I can still feel this bad.  Still - maybe it is just tiredness and tomorrow morning I will have the energy to crack on with it.

Good luck Lynne tomorrow with your race.  Judi it seems wierd to think that you have cold weather.  Our warm weather has been with us a while now - gloat, gloat!!!  I hope you get some of it very soon.  I heard from Gayle earlier and it sounds like she is having a good time at T in the Park.  Right I am going to try to go to bed again.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Judi, good luck with the house. I hope you get sorted soon.

Ailsa, it doesn;t matter how far on you are, grief and sadness can just pounce on you when you least expect it. I know that only too well.  Be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to have sad days. Remember that we are all here for you and will support you as you have supported us.

Love and angel hugs to you all x x x Patricia x x x

Morning all

First of all I'm sending (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) to everyone - the warmest are for north of the border.......Poor Judes - you can have my bit of sun any time!!  I'd rather be in the cooler or colder weather......That way I can take my cardi or jumper off if I get too warm...... but...... ummm............. there is nothing I can decently remove to cool off just now!!!!!  Another warm muggy night and little sleep - so I may not make any sense..........what's new about that I can hear you asking!!??

As for the 'doing stuff' thing - some choose to do it......some choose not to do it.........but others (me!!??!!!) have it thrust upon them (to misquote someone or other).......Our landlord - in his/her/their wisdom - decided we really really needed lots of work doing RIGHT NOW!!!  So when we'd got over the shock (5 years of us asking got us nowhere!) we've decided to go the whole hog and have some new carpets and curtains now rather than later in the year which had been our original plan!!!!!  But thanks to all the muck and dust here I now have contact dermatitis!!  My hands have been scratched red raw over the past few weeks......I've had to use some cream from the pharmacy as well as tons of hand-cream to keep them moisturised.............

Ailsa - you're doing really well at getting your garage /house done in this weather.........I suppose we could compare the size of our piles of brick/plaster dust....bet mine was bigger than yours?????  If you can take a bit of time for yourself just to 'be' and watch the world go by in your special quiet place.......I know it's easy for me to say......well actually no it isn't - having just recovered from the upheaval here I empathise completely as I know how hard it is to switch off from the muck and mess.  You damp dust and wipe everywhere clean and then 10 seconds later it's covered again with dust!!. Hey ho - soon be done now though and all is looking so clean and bright!!!!  Just focus on the end result and how proud you will be for having carried out your Chris's plans.........xxxxxx

Lynne - good luck with your RfL today.....I did my 'stroll' in 54 minutes!!! Just make sure you carry water with you and keep having sips..............It helps to keep you going!!!

Patricia - enjoy your lunch today (I hope I got the day right??)

Oh bother - I've forgotten what else I was going to say.........so I'll just leave more comforting ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) warm or cool - take your pick.......................

Enjoy your Sunday - whatever you're doing............

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Morning all . Thanks Dottee, i'm ready for this , water at the ready , it probably wasn't a good idea to go out yesterday afternoon , but it waas another fun day at another local pub so i had to go and support them didn't i ? . I was in for half 9 tho and fell asleep pretty early but i've been awake since about 3 am on and off , but after the race i've got no plans really so will sit in the sun and make the most of it (sorry Judes) as it has forcast a change tomorrow . Ailsa sending you a big hug , i know what you mean about the sadness that the men arn't here to see the results of the work . We had actully planned this work in the kitchen just before Gordon was diagnosed but then we just didn't have the heart to do it , so now i look at it and think how much he would have loved it . Hopefully its their strength thats helping us to complete these jobs now . Happy birthday to Patricia and enjoy your lunch xx

Just after Gordon died last year my niece who should have been doing the RFL had to drop out and thats when i decided to do it and the race was actually the first time i did anything outside the house , it was a kinda turning point when i made my mind up that i couldn't sit in and if i got chnce to do anything i'd got to do it . Not sure what i'm trying to say but just thought i would share that with you / Its been a long hard rocky year but i'm still swimming , i might go under sometimes but i'll keep floating back to the top thanks to my lovely friends on here and i hope you like my tribute that i have done for you all today . Photos later .

 Take care Lynne xxxx

GO LYNNE, GO!!!! Hope it isn't too muggy for you, well done for getting out there and "doing" on all sorts of things.  Hopefully for both you and Ailsa completing these plans that you both had with Gordon and Chris there will be a sense of ... not closure but perhaps an important piece of the puzzle being put in place, so not an ending but another beginning (there are lots on this journey I think).  So big big hugs (I can dish them out today, it is breezy and pleasant with a bit of mizzle too), I hope Ailsa is sleeping still and plugged in to the charger for coping with another day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PATRICIA!!!!! Hope lunch goes well, Ray will be right beside you today, as always, whispering in your ear and giving you a little hug now and then.  Just you know that you always were and always will be the light of his life and he loves to see you shine on now, so enjoy your birthday xxxx

Judi my dear sweet penguin, I have been up ALLLLL night knitting and knitting and knitting and now I have the warmest, thickest twin set (with a beeeeoooootiful set of pearls) to wrap you up in with the longest, warmest, thickest scarf EVER to wrap around you and link you to any other penguins that might feel the odd shiver north of the border. You are welcome anytime to slide down south and enjoy some sunshine and of course the pool, bring the dogs and we'll make a holiday of it! Then you can go back home and sort all the chaos with a fresh heart - and a suntan, to make them all jealous! 

Sue nothing wrong with a little planning, this little interlude will give you time to recharge your batteries and find what you would really like to do now.  Whoever gets you will be very very lucky so make sure they deserve it.  If you want any help you know where we are - and I'm getting a dab hand at covering letters and CV's and convincing people that different career paths might be just what they need!

Got to go and shower now, off to see the in-laws today, it seems we are playing the upbeat, positive line and keeping cheerful whatever. Whatever gets you through eh?

Love and hugs to you all, will be back later xxxxxxxx

Morning everyone

Lynne good luck again!!! Looking forward to photos xx

Ailsa hope you managed to sleep in the end, hope you re feeling bit better this morning xx

Rosemary have a nice day with the in laws, like you say we all deal with it in different way and upbeat isnt such a bad way for now xx

Patricia `Happy Birthday!!!` have a lovely lunch xx

Looks like Gayle is having a good weekend, shame about the weather.

Judi sounds like things are moving in the right direction, fingers crossed. Yes I am applying for another job. Have been thinking about it then saw this one advertised, bit sooner than I planned but obviously meant to be. More money but no more school hols boo hoo!! and only round the corner instead of the 32 mile round trip I do now. Probably wont get it but can but try xx

Well my staying in didnt last he he!! Went shopping then went to our local for a couple and ended up going out for a meal last night with friends. Few jobs to do this morning then cooking for a friend tonight and watching the footie. Hopefully wont poison him lol!!!

Have a good Sunday everyone

Helen xxx

Patricia

lots of love from Sue and Napoleon xx

Good luck,Helen, with your job application  -  we'll be only too happy to supply references if required! 

Sue and Napoleon xx

Happy Birthday Patricia!  Hope you have a good day with your family and let them spoil you, you deserve it!

Lynne and Ailsa, wonderful to see you finishing up those jobs in the house, Dottie too.  We had a small job done, the drive paved in September but Dan was in hospital and never got to see it finished, he did see photos of it though.  That was a tough one for me.    Good luck today Lynne.

Judi, I am moving in with you.  I don't like this heat at all!  It has been muggy for more than a week now, we had heavy heavy rain on Friday which didn't help cool us down at all.  I was driving over the bridge to see a friend for dinner and had to pull off at an earlier exit so of course ended up turned around and had to find my way back.  I haven't lived in Montreal since 1982 so sometimes don't know where I am going but found my way and had a nice dinner with her.

Yesterday, my cousins from New York came up to meet me at our aunt's house here.  She is 91 and really looking frail but doing well.  It was wonderful to see some of my family, don't see them much, I see my inlaws more often.    One of my cousins had lost her husband 4 years ago, age 54, he just dropped of a sudden heart attack.  She is doing well now, took her a very long time but it does give me some hope.

Off to Gaspe with BIL tomorrow early.  I will not have internet there, BIL and I are going to stay in the old house where FIL was born, no electricity, no plumbing but MIL's cottage which will be full is just across the field for showers, toilet and food!  I am looking forward to walking on the beach but kind of nervous as it will be hard to go there without Danny. 

Teri,  I hope your children's situations are improving.  That is more than you need to have to deal with right now. 

Love

Bren