My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

oh my dear friend,

 I am so sorry to hear about your father in law. this disease sucks! i can undersand Dan's reaction, but a shame he felt he had to do it. don't feel guilty, hun, about your first thought; no doubt lots of us have felt like that, and also felt the guil afterwards!

as my doctor said to m when my mother had a stroke a week after Alan's funeral, it never rains but it p****s down.

Sue xx

Sue thank you, the flowers are lovely and I swear I can smell them.  It certainly does p**s down sometimes doesn't it, but I keep reminding myself that it could be worse and there are a lot of people on this site alone going through more and worse than me and mine.  xxxxxx

Thanks Rosemary , and as i said earlier i'm so so sorry about your Fil , Life has a habit of just keep throwing things at you and its so dam unfair . How could you have done any more for your fIl , some things are out of our hands (and Steves) so its no ones fault hun xxxx I'll fill everyone in with why i asked for your help earlier , i've mislaid /lost / thrown away / had it stolen / a memory stick with everything backed up form my old lap top , photos videos , everything . I always keep the stick on a shelf in the living room so i know where it is but its not there and i cant find it at all . I do remember at somepoint putting it in my camera case (cant remember why now )but i think i've had it since then . Its not the end of the world , i can get another memory stick but i just hope the old lap top is still working , it was playing up thats why i bought a new one .And your thoughts on the black bag are spot on as i used a bag like that when i went to Manchester , but dont remember taking the memory stick . I havn't given up yet .. Big hug to Patricia who is also having a tough time at the moment . Thanks again Rosemary and i'm also going to do as you suggested xxxxx

Hi everyone

Special, special hugs for my chum Rosemary.  Nothing else I can say hun ... but we all know that you have and will do everything that you can for your FIL.  And although it is horrible to think of Daniel doing that to himself, I think some people have to literally 'get the anger out of themselves' and it seems that Daniel understands that he needs to do something physical.  Take pride in the fact that he recognises this and doesn't take it out on anyone but himself ... maybe he is wiser than we know heh??

Lynne, I suspect that your memory stick will turn up now that Rosemary is on the case!  Again, your family are obviously quite amazing and there for each other.  Hope Dad can get some respite soon hun.

Bex and Decs in situ Ailsa, how lovely.  I am sure you are right about having given yourself time before you embarked on your project - it will be lovely when it's done, of course it will - Chris designed it. (((((   )))))

Bren - hats off to you, such a long drive, as I have said before . I don't do long drives!  Hope that your visit, though emotional, goes well.

Fiona, have you stolen our weather?  I keep reading that you are having lovely weather!!  I think your sister is back now, so hope you are getting time with Charlie Boy and and little 'you' time as well as looking after Dad.

Dottee - renovations nearly finished?? Just think of all that luxurious time and dust-free living you and Alan can enjoy.

Loads of love to everyone - Judes xxxxxxxx

PS - Oi Munchkin .... yes you ...... behave yourself at T and make sure that you have a good time. xxx

Hello everyone,

I was so sad to read your news Rosemary.  You are right I often feel like it never rains but the proverbial.  I think before Wully was diagnosed I was very naive about cancer and kept saying things like well medicine nowadays, etc and that can be true for some people but sadly we all know the truth and the awful treatment and illness that people have to go through even if it does work.  Your inlaws are lucky to have you there looking out for them and there was nothing you could have done.  Like you said he wouldn´t have listened to you anyway.  Sue and Patricia sending you hugs too as I know you are both struggling. 

Sorry to hear about the memory stick Lynne.  Take a deep breath and count back your steps - Im sure it will turn up. 

Ailsa, hope the house isnt in too much uproar and your enjoying the family.  Thanks for the text Fiona and will keep you posted about London.   Thanks Judes you always make me smile.

Well I am all packed and ready to go to T in the Park tomorrow.  I am looking forward to it but nervous as this is a big thing for me to do.  Ive went from never going out to going out on a Friday to this lol.  Dreading the camping and keeping up with the pace but I am sure I will give it a good shot!  The weather forecast for Saturday is awful so if its really bad Im not going to drink and I will drive home Saturday night after the events rather than camp 2 nights in the rain.  Getting too old me thinks!

So I wont be on for a few days as no doubt Sunday will be spent recovering.  I hope you all have the best weekend you can and I will fill you all in on my adventure when I return.

Take care penguins

Gayle xxx

So sorry to hear that so many of you are having problems. You are all doing so well and it is not fair that yet more troubles are greeting you all. I am sending you all lots of love and emotional support to let you know that you are all thought of every single day and you are not alone. 

Those who are feeling ok at the moment, long may it continue.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

I'm more on an even keel again - peace and happiness will be restored very very soon here!!!  Woo-hoo!!!!!  So for those in need this weekend here are lots of ((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) to comfort you all.............

Patricia - can you stretch your flippers a bit more this way so we can have a big group ((((((((((((hug)))))))))) - I'm stretching as far as I can too to reach around everyone.......................

Love and more (((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone.  Another sunny day here.  The building work is progressing.  I think they are all coming again tomorow so hopefully that will mean it is finished except for one small, spacial job that well be finished over the next few weeks - the commemorative, round window.  Becky wants to go back to her house in Bracknell for the first time since moving up here, on the 23rd July (our 33rd anniversary) so I think that is a good target for me to clear up all the mess and do the painting.  Then in August the plumber will fit the downstairs bathroom things and I can think about completing the job.  There seems to be dust everywhere so I sympathise with you Dot even more - you had a lot more work done than me.

Rosemary I was so sorry to come on here today and read about your FIL.  I remember you saying he had had a fall.  Please don't feel guilty though as you know he would not have let you make him push the GP any harder for answers.  Poor Daniel - he must have been gutted to take it out on his landrover like that.  So long as he is okay.  Some people just have to get it out like that.  When Chris was much younger I remember him punching a hole in a stud wall in frustration at something that wasn't working out.  It just mean't he had it to fix when he calmed down.  It will be good if you are able to go to both London & Glasgow.  We can have a bit of time out and relax in a hotel then.

Lynne I hope the memory stick has turned up .  I don't know whether your old laptop is completely broken but Becky thought hers was but managed to get it repaired.  You should be able to take it to a PC doctor and get the stuff off it again.  It would have to be very, very badly trashed for you to not be able to get it off again.  Good luck with that xx

I keep being interrupted by builders so I will post now and come back n this evening.  Just been for another look around the garage and I don't think Chris would believe there is actually a way through from the house now after all this time - he'd be thrilled.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

huge hugs for you Rosemary, it is so unfair isn't it.  Please put those guilty feelings aside, we do all have them and do take care of yourself.  Ailsa and Dottie and all those building, good for you.  I don't have the energy to think of doing that  stuff right now.  I do need a new roof and hope that it will be on when I get home but that is just a friend/neighbour/handyman who lives down the street who will do that for me.  I am very lucky to have him so close by.

I am in Montreal now, this is a very old computer but MIL is going to get rid of her internet as she can't figure it out, she just turned 82, so I am lucky to have it this time.  It is unbearably hot here and has been in Cambridge since Saturday too.  But there is an air conditioner in the house and in the car so I can avoid the worst of it.  Poor puppy will not get his walks in this weather.  I made that long drive, was a little hard as I couldn't take any bathroom breaks.  Can't take the dog in and can't leave him in the car alone in this heat!   That is the only alone leg though, my BIL wants to leave for Gaspe on Monday, that is a 10-12 hour drive but with both of us driving won't be too bad.  My cousin will arrive in Montreal on the 26th and she and I can both drive on the way home too so will get my breaks then!

It is odd being alone in MIL's house, she left for Gaspe on Tuesday with another BIL and wife.  Today I will go into Montreal (I am on the South Shore right now) and meet an old friend for dinner.  I may go visit my aunt on the weekend, will see if the heat breaks.  Otherwise I will get some much needed rest and putter around, there are some shops here I like to visit.

Big hugs to all who need them,  Patricia that includes you. 

love Bren

Hi everyone

Lots of you need big hugs tonight xxx

Rosemary so sorry to hear about your FIL x Please dont feel guilty (easier said than done I know) but what more can we do, we all know that xx

Ailsa like Judes said it will be fab because it is Chris`s baby and he will be so proud of you that you re going ahead and doing it x

Lynne hope you ve remembered where your stick might be if not it will probably turn up when you re not looking for it.

Gayle have a fab weekend, love camping but not done a festival, should be fun!!

Judi how are you? Are you chilling at the weekends?

Well this is the first weekend in what feels like ages I ve nothing planned. Had a busy week seeing my friend and seeing him Sunday but actually quite looking forward to couple of nights chilling. Well maybe until tomorrow afternoon and then I might be itching to go out lol!! Having a few glasses of wine and may even watch a dvd later but will pop on and off here too!!

Whats everyone else up to??

Oh yes, Lynne will be tea total in preparation for Sunday lol !! Good luck Lynne!!!

Helen xxx