My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening All, Lynne i do hope your dad stars to improve soon now his tablets finished, it sure is a worry i send you big hugs, my dad off to the day hospital tomorrow again he is not keen on going hopefully they can help him as he is so unsteady on his feet.

 Gayle i hope you enjoy your weekend and the weather gets better again for you camping. Like winter here tonight outside. Just had a friend in for coffee she has been on hols so it was nice hearing all about it. Sue i hope you are ok. Ailsa it will be nice for you to have someone in the house again i know it helps me having Darren at home again. Well i think it's nearly bedtime. Hugs to everyone . Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxx 

Hello to all

Loads of hugs to Sue, Lynne and Teri - hope your family works everything out soon.  Great job Lynne, loved the photos on FB. 

I am off in a few hours to Brockville where Max and I will spend the night before heading into Montreal tomorrow.  I am going to meet my friend Maureen who I met on this site in Brockville for dinner although that is difficult when travelling with a dog.  We will have to eat in the motel room. 

Buffalo was fun and a much needed get away for me.   My friend that I went with is a fun and upbeat person and we had a good time, shopped and ate and shopped and ate.  I had to run to the dentist yesterday as I have severe pain in my tooth but he didn't find anything, he did give me antibiotics just in case so I will pick them up this morning after dropping the cat at the vets. 

I will have a few days in Montreal to rest before our 10-12 hour drive to Gaspe, looks like we are leaving on Monday now.  I have a friend to visit on Friday and will have the weekend, might visit an aunt and will get some rest there alone.  MIL is leaving today for Gaspe with BIL and SIL, another SIL and BIL leaving on the weekend so we will have a few of the family there for Dany's birthday on the 15.  I took some of the ash out yesterday as I am not ready to part with it all and was very glad I had looked at it before.  I was fine yesterday, it was ok.  I am looking forward to being with family but I expect to also have a tough time going to Gaspe this year, we have been going every other year for more than 30 years together.  I do expect that the ocean will be very soothing for me too.  Hoping it will give me some peace.

Must get myself together, it is not fun doing all the packing and loading and driving all alone. 

I will be on and off the internet, think MIL still has it at her house but Gaspe wont'.  Take care and be good to yourselves

Dear Bren

Am sending you a comforting ((((hug)))) - because you too need one this weekend and next week.  This may be the only chance I get xx

Very brave doing all that driving - Canada is such a huge place and it must be a daunting prospect??  I do so hope  that all goes well with your visits to friends and also to Gaspe with family.........it sounds a beautiful place to just 'be'.........Make sure that you too are kind to yourself and take time out when needed to be by yourself......to rest and find some inner peace...........

Love and more (((((hugs))))..................safe journey..........

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Morning all , just a qiuick one tio send a massive hug to Sue and Bren and anyone else who would like one (((HUG)))) .

 Dottee thank you so much for donating on the link , i can't believe money is still coming in . My son is still collecting as his mates watch the video of him being waxed too loll . Hopfully have a full total by the weekend and i can get it sent off .

. Dad is about the same , we're all calling in on him twicw a day but i know he thinks someone should be there all the time (even though my brother is there ) But he's not asking any more than what he would give but we all give what we can and the guilty feelings of never doing enough will have to be put to one side for now and pray that nothing happens ..

Well scotland and London , bring it on !!! Thanks for saving my bed Gayle , i just wish i'd got a bigger house so i could put people up , maybe a lottery win wouldn;t go amiss right now .

 Anyway love and hugs to all Lynne xxxx

Morning all.  I am having a surprise day off today because the builders are in!!!  They were going to give me 3 days notice if poss but rang yesterday to ask if they could start at 8 this morning.  They are downstairs still sawing my house at this very moment.  I am so glad it is getting done but I am missing Chris very badly today.  This was his baby.  He sat and planned it even once he knew he wouldn't see it through.  I'm glad I left it this long to do it as it is a lot more emotional than I thought it would be.  Still - they are supposed to only take 3 days so by the middle of next week it should be done and I will just have the mess to clear up.

How is the kitchen coming along Lynne?  I expect it is near enough finished by now.  Please say hello to your dad from me. How are you feeling?  I am excited by the prospect of meets in London & Scotland.  Maybe between these 2 meets we will get to meet up with everyone.

Gayle have a lovely time at T in the Park this weekend.  I think the weather is supposed to be fine.  Fiona it is lovely to have someone living with you again after there was no-one there for a while isn't it?  The house is still a riot of belongings and I am not sure who's is who's but it is a nice riot.  It is a bit worse right now with a lot of garage stuff in the house as well!!

Bren I am glad you had a good time in Buffalo.  You have a long drive ahead of you to Gaspe so take it steady.  I hope you are able to have a good rest while you are there as it is going to be very emotional for you.  Is it this weekend you meet with Maureen?  Enjoy xx

Well I hope everyone else if okay today?  I am going to make the most of my day off and do a few jobs - ironing etc.  Think I need to keep busy as I keep thinking about Chris today.  I know he would be thrilled this was getting done at last.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Just a very quick post as I am up to my eyes in it today with work and still got to pack and iron!  Just wanted to send you a big hug Ailsa, I am sure it will be hard but hopefully having Becky and Declan there tonight will keep your mind off it.  Lynne, Sue, Bren sending you all hugs too - Lynne - dont you feel guilty!  You have your own life too and you do a huge amount for your dad and I am sure he knows that but just gets lonely.  Bug higs xxx

Right better get a wriggle on but just wanted you to know I was thinking of all those who are needing it just now.

Gayle xxxx

And another quick post lol.  As some of you know my friend has bought me a present - well he has had it posted to me and its just arrived but Im not allowed to open it until he gets here on Tuesday.  Ahhhh - its killing me already and its only been here 5 minutes.  Its definitely not socks :-)  !!! xx

TUESDAY - I think I am nearly as excited as you!  Can't believe you have to wait that long xxx

Oh I know its going to be torture Ailsa.  Just as well I´m away all weekend.  I keep shaking it to see if it gives me more of a clue but I am pretty certain its a necklace. :-) x

Evening all, tried to post the other night and then lost all internet connection before it went through - aaaagggghhhhh! Anyway it's been intermittent since then too (so must copy in case tonight), I've managed to keep up with things I think so sending love to all of you and special hugs for Bren and Sue and everyone having the "this time last year" dates and anniversaries and all of you who are a bit down or stressed at the moment (you know who you are so stop hiding and shuffle through to the middle for a huddle cuddle please). 

Ailsa how's the building going?  I can only imagine how it must be to see all of Chris's plans coming to fruition and remembering and hoping it all goes right, he will be so proud of you and so pleased that you are doing this and... it will look brilliant in the end.  Of course photo's will be expected in due course please.  Is it lovely having Becky and Declan there, it makes such a difference having other people in the house or due to come in doesn't it, I don't think I ever really appreciated how much it meant to me before. 

Lynne, how is your kitchen going?  Regarding the other matter via text I have PM'd you, although I wouldn't say it makes any sense to me hopefully it will spark something for you.  Were my original thoughts any help?

We have had gutting news this week, I don't know if I've mentioned being worried about father-in-law for some time now and then he had a fall about a month ago and has been slowly getting worse and worse?  Well finally they have got an answer, cancer on the spine and ribs - secondary to the kidney problem he had in February (or was it before that?) I am so angry, his GP has seen him virtually every week and not picked up on or properly checked that he has now lost 2 stone in weight, isn't eating, the back problem got worse so wasn't just a bruise from his fall.  It is inoperable, they haven't said what stage just that it has spread and they are going to do radiotherapy first to help reduce the pain and then the dreaded chemo.  I knew things weren't good and dreaded this but still didn't do enough to get him seen and sorted, although I know there wasn't much I could do as he doesn't listen to me, I just feel I've let Steve down not looking after his dad for him.  Daniel has taken it badly - as always - I had to tell him on the phone and left him crying, lost signal, I called him back 20 minutes later and told him not to do anything stupid.  Too late it, he'd put his arm through his Land Rover window and his friend took him to A & E, luckily didn't need stitches just bandaging etc, no glass left in it, silly silly boy - when Sam had her accident and we were told she might not walk or talk ever again he hit the wall by the front door, a good solid, outside wall and broke his knuckle.  Remind me to keep out of his reach when the red mist comes down!  So here we are preparing to deal with it all again, the unknown as ever of exactly what to expect along with the dread of knowing it won't be nice and will end with losing him and I don't know how mother-in-law will cope without him, she is 80 and he is 85 (and selfishly I thought well at least he had 30 years more than Steve, then felt awful for thinking it) she doesn't drive and they are out in a little village with one tiny shop and a post office and a fairly lame bus service.  Hopefully we will be able to move her to a bungalow somewhere sensible, I was trying to find somewhere already as neither of them are good with the stairs anymore, now I dont think we can try to do a move as well as all the treatment etc. 

Trying to finish on an up note, if all is well in October and I'm not needed for the in-laws (we should have a clearer picture in the next couple of weeks of time scales and treatment) then I'm hoping I will be able to do both Glasgow and London meetings, but then everytime I plan and escape things go awry so I won't hold my breath for Glasgow but will certainly push for London.  Hugs to you all again, take care and if anyone needs to join me I will be on the ledge to watch the sun go down I think, with maybe a cider or two xxxxxxxx