My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening all

First of all may I add my welcome to Linda and Lynda - our reasons for being here are not happy ones - but our being here helps to keep us afloat when it feels as though our worlds are falling apart........The huddles and cuddles are lovely and comforting....the opportunity to rant and rave as required is not to be missed (I've done more than my share I think)........but most of all the friends here are understanding, caring and loyal.............(((hugs))) to you all xxxx

Lynne and everyone in Chesterfield - I hope you are having al lovely time...... Unfortunately I (and Percy/Penny-Lope) didn't make it after all - but that is another story to tell in another place............maybe.  Let's just say I'm a very unhappy penguin tonight..................

Rosemary - your dive into your pool sounds like something from a James Bond movie!!!  Extreme sports 'r' us at home......But your ear doesn't sound too good.  I hope you're drinking your cider or Baileys and not pouring it in your ear - that won't do it any good at all (errrrrrr - I mean the pouring!!!).  Perhaps you ought to wear ear plugs?? And see a doc??

Love and ((((hugs)))) to comfort you all

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Massive (((((((((((((((((angel hugs)))))))))))))))))))) to EVERYONE. So sorry to hear you are in such a bad place at the moment Lynda. Please be reassured that what you are feeling is quite normal. I am 16 months along this flippin awful road and still feel devastated and extrememly sad. Anniversaries, birhtdays and special occassions are apt to get to you. Seeing other people going around as couples in this lovely weather is very hard too as has been said. Be kind to yourself Lynda, you are allowed to feel sad confused whatever emotion you could possibly think of. So join Linda and our Dot in the centre of this huddle.

Dottee, sorry you are not happy. I hope things have improved a little by tomorrow. (((((hugs)))))

Rosemary, sorry to hear your ear is bothering you. I just wish I could do something to help you. Look after yourself and take care you don't end up with an ear infection.

Sue, I do hope you are ok hun. Such emotional times eh? Hope you are feeling a little better.

Well I have been in Chesterfield with Ailsa, Gayle, Fiona, Helen and Lynne. The day was gloriously sunny. The tunout at the funday was really good and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Lynne can be very proud of her achievement. She has worked very hard and I am sure raised a good amount of money for prostate cancer charity. Well done Lynne x x x

Lots of you penguins know my news by now but for those who don't, I am to be a grandma at the end of the year (all being well).

Love and angel hugs  x x x Patricia x x x

Just off to bed but wanted to say welcome to the Glamorous Granny club Patricia.  Fingers crossed that the pregnancy is one of those were the mum to be blooms and enjoys it all.  So glad that the day was as Lynne wished it - but today I realised that I don't have your mobile number!! I sent a group text and you are not in my contacts.  Not good enough at all Judi!

Lynda, hi to you hun.  Yes, out of the blue you can certainly feel that you are right back at square one - in fact sometimes it can almost feel worse because (and it is just my opinion) it can seem that it 'makes sense' in those first few months to feel so desperate, but when it comes back it can really knock you for six.  and yes the six months and hubby's birthday will floor you, just take it slow and steady, one day at a time at your own pace. 

I think we have rain here tomorrow, saved me a job of watering the plant pots!  Rosemary, just watch that ear of yours .... well not literally, cos you would look a right picture trying to do that.  I know this might sound daft (never me, I know) but try sleeping on the side of the sore ear and maybe and residue water will leak out.  (You can tell I haven't done any medical training can't you.)  Do try to take a photo of the pool, I would love to see it.

Dottee, squishy hugs for you and Percy-Penelope, hope whatever has made our lovely Dot sad sorts itself out.  (((((   )))))))

Well, night all - speak tomorrow.  Judi xx

Night all,

I am getting ready to go to Buffalo New York for a quick shopping trip with a friend, an overnight as we get tired shopping all day and don''t want to drive home! Must be getting old!  This will be a fun day.

I just wanted to say great job Lynne, you are amazing.  And of course Congratulations to Patricia, now you can start knitting little baby things.

I am home tomorrow, must finish cleaning on Tuesday and heading to Montreal on Wednesday but can only do it in two days now, my knees will not handle driving more thatn 3 or 4 hours, so Max and I will stay at a motel on the way.  He is spending tonight with his dog walker and she is so excited, she just lost her dog a month ago and is missing him so will love to have my Max.

Thank you for the encouragement, it is so hard isn't it.  I spent yesterday alone, doing lots of housework but still felt so lonely and empty.  I think it is the beginning of summer vacation which we always looked forward to so much and now being alone is not fun at all.  I am not in my deep hole and hope to avoid that but just don't find much joy in life.

Do hope you are all having a wonderful day.  Hugs from me.

Thank u girls for your replies.I have had to have a more positive attitude today as its the day I get my 15month old grandson + boy is he a bundle of energy. I dont get time to think about myself which is good.. I am going to see about volunteering for a day at the local hospital to get me out of the house a bit more.+ maybe I'll get to meet new people as we only moved here 2 years ago at the start of hubbys illness. Again thanks for the support + big hugs to all xx lynda

 Bren!!!! Let's meet up again in Kingston or Brockville for lunch or Breakfast or whatever is best for you!!! When are you coming through???

Looking forward to seeing you and Max again!

Big hugs to you.

Love, Mo

Hi everyone.  Firstly, welcome to Lynda.  As the others have said, it is a dreadful reason we all find ourselves here but we are good at supporting each other and I am sure you will feel that support if you stick with us and join the huddle.  Anniversaries are so hard and Patricia hit it on the head recently when she noticed how the warm weather brings all the couples out.  Judi is also very wise mentioning that sometimes further down the line is almost harder because we expect more of ourselves and don't think we should have so many bad days anymore.  6 months and your husband's birthday is a difficult time so be gentle with yourself.  Take care xx

Bren I hope you have had a lovely time shopping in Buffalo and have a great trip to Montreal on Wednesday.

Rosemary I agree with Dot - sounded just like something from James Bond.  I would love to see a photo of the pool from the ledge though.  I hope your ear is improving.  When we were in Chesterfiled we were all talking again about having a meet in London.  All of us fancy the idea so it is something we will organise very soon and then hopefully you and Sue can come along as well.

Dot I hope whatever has made you unhappy is maybe sorted at least a bit now.  Take care xx

Judi I love Princess Pink's name - Issy - Issabella is a lovely name.  Congratulations again to Grandma Patricia.  Declan and Becky were here when I got home today so now we need to settle in with each other and get used to this for a few months.  I think it will be fun and Becky might help to slow me down a bit.  I managed to get home in time to meet the mysterious Hamish today!!  He seems nice so we will see how this turns out.  I had a bit of a wobble last night listening to a song that Chris tried to sing after surgery.  He really struggled and I think it shocked him that being ill had taken so much out of him.  I have heard it before but usually I only hear him singing it well in my head so it is okay.  I don't know what happened last night to make me think of a bad time instead of a good time.  I am over it today though and have been listening to him sing on my ipod to make sure - it made me smile so all is well!

Well I think I need to get back to my housefull so take care everyone.  I have had a lovely time at Lynne's funday this weekend so I will put the few photos I took on facebook.  Lynne you did a fantastic job.  Ailsa xxx

Evening all

Well I think I've calmed down .......maybe!!!   Yesterday started OK - we got in the car to set off for Chatsworth (so I thought) - but then we turned the opposite way on to the main road as Alan announced that he didn't want to go there and that we were going shopping for curtains and bedding instead!!!!  So I found myself in Castleford.......shopping!! I was in tears and soooo angry I couldn't speak - even if I wanted to....which I didn't!!!  I'm afraid I behaved very childishly and sulked all day!!  My lovely day was ruined......I had switched off from house refurbs and wanted a day away from it all!!!  I now have to return the curtains because they are the wrong size - and I hate the colour!!!!  My mind was not on the job in hand and I got very confused..........

Life is not always rosy at Chez T..... but we are now on speaking terms again - just!!! 

My next challenge - when the house is finished - is to pass my driving test........I can drive just never got round to taking my test yet!!!  Then I cna go out when and where I want occasionally!!!

Sorry girls - I really wanted to meet you all - but it looks like I will have to remain the 'woman of mystery' for a while longer..........

Love and ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Evening all ,well i've finally got a monent to my self , the kids have been in and out all day . All i can say i feel so humbled to have had such a response yesterday , my only regreti s i didn't get as much time with everybody as i would have liked , its like Helen had said , its like your at your wedding but there is only you there and after Gayle ,Fiona and Ailsa had gone Helen and i had a good chat before i took her to the train station and after she'd gone i felt kinda said that all the penguins had gone . We'd all gone to visit Gordon and i loved the fact that my penguins had "met " Gordon . As for yesterday it was manic all day but i loved the fact that so many people had turned out , bearing in mind that Gordon had only lived here for 6 years so the turn out was amazing . Two og his managing directors had also turned up for a couple of hours which was fantastic . One of Gordons friends also did a lovely speach but i cant work out why i got the praise when i'm just doing what i have to do to get through . I tried to explain it to the girls , i was getting all this praise but i didn't do it for that , i wanted to raise awareness and money , but i do think it will be an annual thing now .. Tha raffle priizes we're amazing , thank you to all you contributed , i think i've just about got sorted out with them now even though i still have the tombola stuff i just didn't get chance to sell tickets for that but i will do a boot sale or something and get the money for them .. Anyway once again thank you to all . I just hope the penguins enjoyed the weekend as much as i did xxxxxxxxxxx

Sorry missed your post Dottee . Hope your feeling better today , you cant aviod us forever i will track you down lol xxxx