My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Enjoy your meet all of you who are getting together tomorrow.  Hope you have a fabulous time!

Linda, welcome and I know you will find tremendous support from everyone who posts on here.

I am now starting to get to 'this time last year'.  Last year at this time, Danny had a very sore back which we put down to a muscle sprain or strain.  He complained a lot and I did ask him to see the doctor but he said he didn't want to spoil our trip, we left for England on July 17.  I feel guilty that I didn't take it as seriously as it was but we had no idea at that time what was to come.  Also I find that for the first time, last day of school was not exciting, I don't feel I am looking forward to 8 weeks of summer alone.  I am going to be really busy travelling around, actually running away from home for a while but it is so hard to do it all alone.  Just hard to think of being alone for the rest of my life too. 

Enough of that, last day of work and it is going to be an easy one, I came in late and will leave early and go do some errands.  Really tired and hope to get some much needed rest in the next couple of days.

have a good day everyone

Ahh Bren big hug and into the middle with you my love, "this time last year" is so horrible and cruel.  Stop those guilty feeling right now, neither of you were to know what was to come and hind sight is an amazing and useless thing, if only is also useless.  As for the rest of our lives, well we can only concentrate on the present and a little bit of the future or I think we might go crazy.  Try and enjoy the things you have planned and know that Danny would have wanted you to do things for him, but for yourself too.  We might be far away across an ocean, but we have all linked hands now, we are in each others thoughts so try and rest and be kind to yourself knowing we are thinking of you and pulling you up the sparkly rope onto the ledge and into the huddle, one by one we are all getting there..... we just don;t know where "there" is xxxxxxx

Evening everyone. I have been reading your posts for a little while but feeling too hot to concentrate on answering. We are so lucky to have all this lovely weather so I am trying to make the most of it. Teri I am sorry you are having such awful problems with your family right now.  Please take care of yourself

Helen you sound really busy with Nats prom and everything - keep a little bit of energy aside for tomorrow!

Hi Patricia.  I am hoping I see you tomorrow at Lynne's.  I took note of what you said about your car and had my little car serviced today.  It wasn't quite as much as yours but for this moment in time everything on it is in good working order!!  I'm struggling with couple out and about as well so I have been trying to spend time at home in the garden if I can.  Bex & Dex arrive tomorrow while I am in Chestefield so that will be company for me.

Rosemary the pool sounds great right now.  Is it too far to leap off the ledge into the pool to cool down?  Sue I love the picture of the swimming penguins.

Gayle I am going to assume you have arrived safely in Chesterfield.  Dot it sounds like you have earned your day off tomorrow so enjoy, might see you in Chesterfield if you make it there.

Hi Linda.  Welcome to our group.  I am so sorry you find yourself needing to be here but you will find we are all very welcoming and supportive.  You are doing a great job being there with your mum and we all know just how hard that is.  Take care of yourself.  You know where we are if you need to talk xxx

Bren Rosemary is so right and you must stop feeling guilty.  None of us know what was coming and wishing we had done things differently just makes us so sad.  I know you have lots planned for the summer holidays from school so throw yourself into those and don't be hard on yourself.  Take care xxx

Well I had better get some sleep ready for tomorrow.  Have a good weekend everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Evening everyone.

Hi Linda, so sorry to hear about your mum, as the others have said please stay with us - you will find support and friendship here to help you through.

Bren - you need to listen to Rosemary and Ailsa, two smarter ladies you would be hard pushed to find.  The 'if onlys' and the 'why didn't I' are so hard to deal with - and you can find yourself becoming totally wrapped up in it all and actually making yourself unwell, so please try to be kind to yourself hun.  And Teri darling, I don't know what to say to try to help, I know that all around you must appear to be going wrong, but sadly my darling you can't 'fix' this for them.  You can just be there and support them through the worst.  And they couldn't ask for a better lady to do that.  Just make sure that you save some strength for yourself. xxxx

Well Rosemary I will just have to take your word for it that it is time I brushed off the cobwebs from my Victorian knitted bathing suit (with mop cap of course) and made my way down south to have a dip.  Pleasant day today certainly, but it is not hot here to sleep, so maybe I should count myself lucky heh?

Fiona and Gayle, glad you arrived safely - sorry about telling Gayle to shut her eyes Fiona - won't do it again when she is driving, I promise!.  I think, my darlings that you must, must, must relax and just have a wonderful day tomorrow.  Fiona, you have been so marvellous the last few weeks taking on all that extra and being there for your dad.  I know it is what you want to do but it can still be very exhausting. and my wee munchkin Gayle, kick back and relax - you have pulled through hun - we never doubted you would, and don't think for one minute that I am saying everything is fine now but yet again it shows just what a strong wee cookie you are.   Hope you and Lynne had a lovely supper - Fiona was my steak nice?

To everyone in Chesterfield tomorrow - when you think about it, it is quite amazing that out of so many tradgedies, each so very personal and life shattering, has come a get together that will have so much love and care present - incredible and heart warming.

Princess Pink finally has a name ... quite speedy really ..... it took them NINE days to name the last one!  She will be known as Izzy (or Issy ... I am nor sure) and I guess when she is two and throwing a tantrum it will be ISABELLA ANNE ... said in a loud, stern voice. 

I have no news really, just normal stuff - work, dogs, ironing, etc.  Boy is doing really well, he is getting a lot of summer work through an events company and spent three days last week putting up the staging for Pink (no not the baby, the singer) and has spent this week at Loch Lomand helping to erect the stands for the golf Open.  He called to say that he was sitting in the sunshine, eating a fantastic luch compliments of the excellent catering laid on, having done some hard graft (which is saving him money as he doesn't need to go to the gym!) learning a lot and getting paid for it.  Excellent stuff. 

Hope everyone's cars get them there tomorrow. 

Speak soon - loads of love Judi xx

Morning all and so sorry this will be a quick one (i'd like to welcome Linda properly when i have more time ) but mean while i'll send a big hug for you and your mum ((hug ))) Judi i was actually driving too when i got your text , your  a very naughty girl making both Gayle abd i shut our eyes tut tut . Well i wont get to see the girls this morning as i'am doing an impression of a wirll wind  ( i'm usually pretty good at it lol ) Thank you for all your good wishes for the day and to the ones that cant make it we will be having a drink to  you and your loved ones . I've also arranged to let some sky candles off tonight for all of our loved ones but i didn't realise there England candles and poor Gayles face was a picture when i told her , she said if we send a England sky candle up to wully he'll be blowing it back down , oh this is going to be such fun lol . I'm going to write everybodies name on them (memory permitting ) Anyway must get on .. Hugs to all that need them ((((hugs )))) Speak later xxxxxxxxxx

My darling Lynne - let me assure you that Ed will be standing next to Wully a-huffing and a-puffing at the England candle too!  Have a wonderful day, you deserve it Special Lady 51. xx

I haven't posted on the macmillan site for a while and thought I was coping quite well.Suddenly out of the blue bang I'm back to sqaure 1, can't stop crying and feeling so down.Friends and relatives have stopped calling and are making holiday plans and it really hits home there is only you and no more we. Coming up to 6months and hubbys birthday maybe this is giving me the blues big time. Sorry for the down message --- hugs to everyone xx lynda 

Hi Lynda Sorry you find yourself back to square 1 but I believe that tis is normal especially as you are coming  up to 6 months and your hubby's birthday I am not as far on as you but feel the same. Especially about everyone around me making plans for holidays and such like it is hard thinking there is no we and only me.

Take care Hugs to you

Love Teri

Dear lynda,

so sorry that you are feeling so down, but you've come to the right place. Welcome to our thread - we've all been in your situation, some a little longer than others, and you will find understanding and support here.

I can fully empathise with your feelings - other people - couples - are making 'together' holiday plans, and it  only serves to bring our own siuations back to us. All I can say, hun, is that  it is early days yet, although it will feel like forever; if you need to cry, then cry; if you need to rant and rave, then do so. we are here for you - you'll even have a laugh or two along the way, although it might not seem so at the moment.

a lot of the girls are meeting up this weekend at a fundraiser for Lynne's husband, who passed away a year ago thiis week. we try to make something positive come out of our grief, and by and large we do, although believe me we all still have our down times.

stick with us, lynda, and feel the support that will come your way.

Love and hugs

Sue xx

Blooming well said Sue!  Lynda welcome and come inside for a big hug, we all know how you feel and we've all been there and will do again from time to time.  As Sue said let it out, do whatever you have to but be sure of two things, your lovely man is still beside you and you will get through this.  Read back over a few pages of our thread and you will see and share the ups and downs that go with this new, unwanted status of ours, share your thoughts, let out the fears and anger and all that you might not feel able to out there in the "real world", on here you can be yourself.  Reach out a hand and there are a whole bunch of us holding onto you xxxxx

Hi to all of you in Chesterfield and all the other regions of the country (mainly up north of course, we need to find a few more Southerners Sue), hope the big day is going well and you are all having fun.  I have been swimming lots, but no I can't jump from the ledge, firstly I'd be scared, secondly well I'd hit a few rose bushes, then the concrete, roll across the spikey lawn, avoiding the bees in the clover, bump down the steps and whoosh..... end up coughing and spluttering and frightening the dogs!  Will take a photo of the pool from the ledge though, maybe tomorrow with the sun sparkling on it as it's clouded over now.  Feeling fed up tonight as my ear has blocked again, think the swimming washed water in it and closed the door over the ear drum, so I've got this ringing, buzzy noise the whole time and also it keeps hurting on and off, very annoying.  Anyway maybe another cider would help or perhaps a Baileys over ice?  Cheers dear ones xxxxxxxxxxx