My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Lynne hope your day is ending more calmly for you, big hug for you and yes, right to the middle please where we can keep you safe and let you sleep hopefully xxxx  Patricia I know exactly what you mean, the good times keep coming back to me and they are good memories but just now they seem to be making me sad.  Helen would be proud of me, I was swimming last night and it was beautiful, the water was sparkling, the birds were singing and I looked across our garden and missed Steve so much I just ended up spluttering and sploshing about (out of my depth of course) but her words came to me "Keep swimming" and I did just that, no choice really that or go under and it's like that on dry land too isn't it.  If you don't want to go to the middle of the huddle, how about you and I bob along around the outside, hold everyone together and we all just keep swimming?

Love and hugs to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxx

Sounds good to me Rosemary x x x 

Lovely picture Sue x x x

Morning all . well i did manage at least 4 hours sleep last night which is very good really . I have got a dozen and one jobs to do tonight but will get them all done so i can go and meet Gayle and Fiona , cant wait . Drive carfefull Gayle and just let me know when you want me to come and meet you and i'll be ready .

 Helen have a good night but pace your self lol

. Rosemary the picture you paint sounds lovely and put me down for some of that please . Thank you so much aswell for the brownies they look gorgeous .

 Sue great picture as usual , hope your ok hun , i know its Alans birthday coming up so if you need a extra huddle i'll be first in line to give you a hug xx

 PATRICIA get into the middle now !!!! i know your not good and you need the comfort of the penguins . I'm veering to the outside hun to let you in . By the way thats not shouting its just me being forcefull because i know you wont admit that your not good at the moment . Do you think you'll make it down tommorow hun ?Dottee so pleased that things are coming together for you , and if you manage a drive out tommorow you i'll Pm you the address and then you can see how things are tommorow xx My kitchen has come on fabulously , my son called last night and said "mum are you ready for this kitchen lol you'll get lost in it "   i'll admit this morning i couldn't find the kettle as i'd moved it lol .. Anyway i think the builder shoud finish today and then i'll have to decide how its going to be decorated and on the floor covering ..

 Once  again thank you for all your support yesterday , i really couldn't not do it without you all ..

 Love to everyone else and take care xxxx

 Lynne xxxx

Morning Lynne - I'm pleased that you managed to get some sleep........more than I did!!!  I slept for a short while but it is too hot and yucky to be comfortable (stormy weather methinks?) - even with windows wide open and laid on top of the bed!!!!  So - by the time I've cleared the bedroom and swept up ready for the carpet-fitters later today - then put everything back and begun the pleasurable (?) job of re-arranging it all I'll be well and truly done in!!!!  I might need a long cool drink or 6 tonight!!!!  As for losing things during all the upheaval - well I daren't even think about that!!!!  The one bit of brightness is that I will soon be able to get my card-making stuff out again - I'm really really missing my fix of creative work!!!

We (including Son Number 1 and Ellie-dog) are all taking time out tomorrow......We all need to get away for a while - and it will depend on how sociable my menfolk feel as to whether I will get to see you or not - but the p/m would be appreciated please...... If I don't make it have a lovely day all of you - I will be thinking of you.  Here's to a lovely sunny - but not too hot - day for Saturday.

Keep swimming everyone.........the tide will turn and you will be carried back to your safe place..........

Love and comforting ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) to each and every one of you...........

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lynne, so pleased to see you had a few hours sleep. It is so draining when you can't sleep. I am hoping to make it tomorrow but I do need the address or more specifically the postcode to give me more chance of actually reaching my destination lol. Don't overdo things today, try to concerve some of your energies for tomorrow. The weather forecast was looking favourable when I saw it this morning.

Dot, you won't know what to do with yourself once all the work and the tidying up afterwards has been completed. Or maybe you will just throw yourself into your creative tasks. Hugs to you and Alan.

I hope you all have the best day you can.

All who are driving to Lynne's today please take care.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hi All

I do hope you don't mind me joining your posts. I'm am losing the most precious thing to me on this earth and the emotional pain is so sore. It all started last September with a lump in mums neck,she as diagnosed with NHL. She had 4 cycles of chemo but they had to stop as she developed clots in her lung, plus her age and other heath issues they said no more chemo. Within 6 weeks the mass in neck was back and they gave her a month to live, it was so devastating for us both. To cut the story short she is now on steroids daily to keep the lump down, they are concerned the lump will affect mums breathing. She has been on them 3 weeks now. To watch her since last September has been so emotional although i try not to let her see it. I have gotten through my list of mums wishes, power of attorney, funeral, will etc. I am an only child and sher is my life, we are best pals. How i continue living without her i don't know.

The carers are coming in staring on Monday morning and nights to assist her with washing and dressing, up until now mum has said no to help with morning wash as she wished to maintain her Independence but she now knows she needs that extra help. I have been there daily from September and have eventually accepted emotional support for myself from the carers center which is good for me. She isn't in any pain thank God, but have noticed she is taking her morphine more. The support from GP surgery/district nurses have been wonderful and the GP comes in every Friday to see mum. My heart goes  out to you all and i will take strength from your posts.

Thank you to you all for sharing your experiences

Linda x

Morning everyone,

Glad you managed some sleep Lynne and the kitchen sounds great - that was quick work!  Dot, I feel exhausted just reading your post about the carpet fitters.  Its exhausting all the upheaval.  Patricia, like Lynne´s says you get in the middle and take some support from us as you are so good at giving it out. 

Well Im just away back to bed lol.  Im great at sleeping during the day but cant sleep at night.  Im going to have a couple of hours before I set out for sunny Chesterfield.  I too was looking at the forecast for tomorrow and it said 23 degrees and sunny so sounds perfect to me.  Lynne, I will text you when I know a better idea of what time I will arrive but I am picking Fiona up at 4.30 so should be there about 7.30 or 8.00 and you can come over and join us for a bite to eat?

Anyway, I will probably not be back on till Sunday to then report what a lovely weekend I had!

To all the penguins not coming this weekend I hope you have as good a weekend as you can do.

Gayle xx

Linda, welcome to the thread, I am so sorry you find yourself in this position. It is a difficult time for both you and your mum. You will be worrying about her and in turn she will be worrying about you. It is a devastating moment when you are told there is to be no more treatment. I remember that day only too well. That terrible sinking feeling that all your hopes have being smashed into a million pieces.

This site is very good and you will find various forums with people at varing stages of fighting the illness or grieving for their loved ones after the battle has been lost. Fortunately some people actually win and go into remission. (Not so fortunate in our case).

Take care Linda and I hope you manage to make full use of all the services offered to you. It is so easy to turn things down and then later wish you had them in place.

We send people in need into the middle of our 'penguin huddle' so that is where \I am sending you right now. There you will feel the love and warmth from other penguins and it does make you feel better somehow.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hello Linda, as Patricia has said you are more than welcome to join us here and snuggle safely to the middle of the "huddle" for strength and support to help you through right now.  I am so sorry for you and your mum to find yourselves on this nightmare path, we none of us could ever have guessed we would be here, but somehow we have found each other to get us along now and keep each other going.  Anything you need to say, ask or anything just do it here, this is a place where everyone understands that very lonely place you have suddenly found yourself.  Big hugs and lots of love to you and your mum, make the most of this time you have together and know that you are doing all you can for mum and that every step of the way she will know you are there and your love for her (and hers for you) will never ever change.  Take care xxxx