My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa
Congratulations granny Judes xx
Do not weep for me when I no longer dwell
among the wonders of the earth; for my larger
self is free, and my soul rejoices on the other
side of pain...on the other side of darkness.
Do not weep for me, for I am a ray of sunshine
that touches your skin, a tropical breeze
upon your face, the hush of joy within your heart
and the innocence of babes in mothers arms.
I am the hope in a darkened night. And, in your
hour of need, I will be there to comfort you.
I will share your tears, your joys, your fears,
your disappointments and your triumphs.
Do not weep for me, for I am cradled
in the arms of God. I walk with the angels,
and hear the music beyond the stars.
Do not weep for me, for I am within you;
I am peace, love, I am a soft wind that caresses
the flowers. I am the calm that follows a
raging storm. I am an autumns leaf that floats
among the garden of God, and I am pure
white snow that softly falls upon your hand.
Do not weep for me, for I shall never die,
as long as you remember me...
with a smile and a sigh. 
With my love, Sue xx
