My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Ah Patricia , i'm so sorry , you and her family must be devastated , such a young age , she hasn't had a chance at life , i really hope she is somewhere better and the angels are looking after her . sending a big hug to you too ((((hug))))  Ailsa glad you had a good birthday and yes i think the football score dissapointed everybody but i think we all knew the way they we're playing they didn't have much pf a cnance but hey ho its only a game (sorry) . I too am having trouble dropping off tonight and i'm on earlies tommorow , i need to be up at 5 so i'm having a cuppa and i'll try aagin . Night all xxxxxx

Hope you managed to get off to sleep Lynne. This not sleeping lark is getting to be a pain now.  I am going to go up to bed now and try to get some sleep. Not too hopeful but I live in hope and anticipation.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Morning Patricia hun (and everybody else ) managed a couple of hours . Feel shattered at this moment but hopefully tonight is another night xxxxxx

Morning everyone,

Must have been a night of not sleeping.  I was up and down all night but I don´t think the heat helped me either.  Lynne, hope you managed to get to sleep and sending you lots of hugs.  Patricia, what sad news.  I know how much you thought of the little girl and you did do a lot.  The fact that you took the time to send letters to the little girl when she was alive would have meant a lot to her and her family and I am sure they were extremely grateful of the kindness of a stranger to them.  Ailsa, hope you managed some sleep too.  I´m off to do some work as can´t avoid it much longer!

Take care everyone and hope your day is okay.

Gayle xxx

Here is the next little drama in the saga which is my life.

My old tin can of a car has been playing me up just lately.  One of the tyres seemed to like a regular top up of air. The car was overheating when sitting in traffic. There was a strange creaking when I have a full load. As I am planning a few long drives over the next couple of months, I decided to take it to be looked at and also asked them to check the brakes whilst they were at it. . It is going to cost me almost £500 but it will be worth it as the car will be safe and I can hang on to it for a while longer. It is not pretty or anything but it is a great car to drive and I did not want to part with it. Maybe when I get it back I will treat it to a valet job.

I went to bed at 2am and saw 3.30, 4.30, 5am then drifted in an out of sleep until 7.20 when I finally got up.   Great! I shall be exhausted yet again when I go to work tonight. But hey, I ask myself, what is different there then. Stop moaning and get on with things I tell myself.

After I dropped my car into the garage I walked home in the sunshine and dropped into the local 'playgroup' to catch up with old friends. Oh the memories it brought back.

Got a lovely picture through the post from my son and daughter-in-law and it made me cry. Tears of joy and sadness too. I am just too soft for my own good.

This post seems very disjointed but it is how my brain is working at the minute.

Take care all. I am sorry so many of you had difficulty sleeping last night. I hope that tonight is better for you all.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hi Patricia,  I´m sorry to hear about your car - just another worry to add to the list.  I hope you get it sorted okay and I hope you get a wee nap today before work.  Your tiredness won´t be helping your muddled brain.  I know that muddled brain well - although I know what to do to sort it but can´t lol.  Just wanted to send you a big hug.  Gayle xxx

Morning everyone .. Well "that day" is fast approaching (thurs) and i'm still swimming , i haven't had to much time to think about it , occaisnally "this tme last year" comes into my head but i have to put it to one side and get on with something . I'm desparate not to slip into a pit as i know how hard it is to get back out , i really think that it wont hit me properly untill next week after the charity day on sat as next tues  its our wedding anniversary too . The work on the kitchen is starting today so i'm hopeing that that keeps me busy so i cant dwell on how thing should be ..

 Any way love to all and thanks again Sue for donating to my "just giving page" your a star and we should definately meet up as i owe you so many hugs ..

Sarah , how are you hun ? . Patricia i hope you get your car sorted soon , i hate it when i have to sort the car out ITS NOT MY JOB . Oh well it seems it is now lol ..

 Thanks for the hugs Gayle , i feel them hun , they are keeping me afloat .. Roll on friday i need a real hug .. Fiona i hope your dad is ok , mine is back on anti biotics again and the gp is trying to get in touch with the hospital to try and get things moving for him again , he's in so much pain bless him .. Any way if i want to get to work on time i better get ready ..

 Take care xxx

 Lynne xxxxxx

Morning Lynne

Just dropped by to leave you some comforting ((((hugs)))) to help you through the coming days.  Good luck for Saturday - I'm still trying very hard to persuade Alan to have a day out to visit with you all.....whether he will is another matter!!!!

Good luck also with your kitchen - having almost come through all that upheaval I don't envy you one bit!!  However as the whole of my house was 'attacked' by workmen I think doing one room may just be bliss!!!!  Work is now almost done - just got to get the shower room sorted and working..........Then the little niggles to be ironed out and I can have new carpets, curtains etc......... Already shopped for some curtains and blinds..........

My love and lots of  comforting ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) to everyone

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

What a busy lot you are with all the houses being worked on and bought and sold, good luck with all of it everyone I know how unsettling it is - I hate having people working in or around the house.  Just postponed the plumber from a non emergency job, he is a lovely man and was doing a couple of radiator valves for cash so no VAT, but then I thought I really don't want an invasion at the moment and also he charged me £220 last time for doing the work and I bought the parts that were needed so that's a pretty good wage for about 5 hours work isn't it?  Who's doing who the favour here?

Lynne keep swimming love, you are doing well but also remember to give yourself the odd window to let the pain seep out, otherwise it comes in a big flood and will knock you under for a while. We know what you're like and keeping busy is great but as we all also know (Ailsa!) it also tires you out and you have to stop sometime or it washes over you anyway and you can't stop it.  So give us a shout, get into the middle of the huddle, come and join me on the ledge, whatever you need to do remember we are here for you.  (That of course goes for any and all of you xxx)

Gayle glad you are coming through, another great swimmer, but then do we get a choice?  Patricia how is the car, sounds like you have a sensible plan going there, fingers crossed it keeps going for another year or so for you and gives you time to save for another motor.  Hi Dottee, good to see you on Facebook, lots of friends now haven't you.... but any sign of a profile pic yet?  (Not nagging I promise xx)  Judi, how's the sale going, are you ok? 

Not sleeping at all well at the moment, is anyone with the humidity? And then last night as I was sat reading in bed I saw a ginormous spider trekking across the ceiling over my bed!  That was it I was gone, tried sleeping in Daniels room, no luck even if Kofi did come and join me (on my feet!) so came downstairs and found some lovely people in one of the chat rooms to talk to for a while.  Eventually got to sleep sometime after 2, but a bit disjointed for the rest of the night until 6 when the alarm was going off, typical could have slept forever then.  Never mind we are all going through it aren't we and things will change again.  Oh and the spider was gone by the time I went back, don't know where and don't like to think about it, but I didn't want to resort to hoovering it that would be mean.

Have a good day all and stay safe inside a great big EsmeHug ((((())))) xxxxx

I promise there will be a pic there soon - I just have to find them first!!!!  xxxxxxxxxxxx