My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember
FormerMember
  • 7970 replies
  • 21 subscribers
  • 1768153 views

My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

     

    Evening everyone

    Did we all watch the game this affy?? I watched it at work with 105 screaming children lol!!! and then we stayed behind for something to eat with all the staff. Made a change!!

    Sue hope your sports day went well, you know it s nearly summer hols when the sports days start xx

    Good to see you posting Sarah, this thread has helped me through the past year soo much as it has for most of us since we all joined xx

    Lynne good luck with your collection too, you re doing great for your fundraiser xxx Whats wrong with your eye? xxx

    Gayle your car sounds fab!! Girl racer hee hee xx

    Ailsa looking forward to see you on Saturday.......and next Saturday too lol!! xxx

    Dublin sounds lovely Gayle, we ll have to get our heads together for some dates xx

    How s Judi? You busy at work this week? xx

    Hugs to everyone

    Helen xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hi, helen

    sports day was ok - i ended up carrying one of my little ones around the race, as he decided that running was not for him, and he would walk very slowly.

    Watched the match - some half decent football at last. Now watching the epic 5th set at wimbledon, which currently stands at 58 games all!

    23 days to go, and counting.

    Sue xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Evening everyone.  Lynne you are doing so well to keep so busy but what have you done to your eye?

    Bren I am glad you haven't got long until you can take some time off.  I am also very glad that the lid came off the ashes box for you as that would have been very upsetting if you hadn't checked and it was stuck.  Such a shame it has to be such a painful thing though - take care of yourself xx

    Gayle the car sounds great and I am sure you and the boys will enjoy it.  Try to keep the air off your finger for the next 12 - 24 hours.  It is usually the air that keeps it hurting.

    Helen I watch the match at a friend of Stu's.  We had hotdogs, chips & cider as we watched.  Thanks goodness for that result - how tense was that?  It is my birthday on Sunday for the next game so that will be a distraction.  I am going to do a bbq at mine and have people round to watch from here.  I have some St George sky candles so I am hoping for an excuse to set them off.

    Sue I am glad your sports day was okay but poor you having to carry one round on such a warm day.  Enjoy Wimbledon.

    I hope everyone else is okay this evening.  I am really tired again - don't know why I am so tired just recently.  I woke up with a stiff neck this morning as well.  It is really painful and I have to turn my whole body round to look to my left.  I hope it is a bit better in the morning.  I am off to get a small amount of ironing done before bed so I hope everyone is okay this evening.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hi everyone

    Sue, did you really say 58 games all!!!  I might have to switch the tv on!  I love the idea of you carrying one of your little ones round the track - hope you got a rosette.  The sun has shone ALL DAY here today, it has been super.  Work is slightly manic at the moment.  They still haven't decided what they are going ot do about replacing my boss, so am trying to juggle three projects at the moment.  One of them entails me approaching various partners for information for a tender we are putting together.  Some have told me they don't have time ..... so apparently I have to go back and tell them I need it tomorrow. Yes, I am sure that will go down REALLY well!  Methinks the time is coming that I have to have a 'wee chat' about either a) the job description that I applied for versus the job I am doing or b) an increase in salary LOL.

    Lynne, I will repeat what the others have asked .... What have you done to your eye and are you ok?  Oh and Gayle, what on earth are you doing burning your finger!!!  More haste less speed.  Maybe Jamie shoudl go over the controls of the cooker with you!

    I haven't been posting too much because my head is full of 'housey' stuff.  I am not going to bore you with any details because absolutely nothing is in any way sorted, but the last few days have been full of confusion due to offers made, offers withdrawn, other people saying they are going to offer, then two of them getting together and trying a 'wee scam' involving a false closing date, (suffice to say I have eleven phone calls from my solicitor today - the last one at 7.10pm.  He was asking how I was staying so calm and unruffled when all these things were going wrong and  I was able to truthfully say to him that compared to what has happened in the past, this is nothing and not worth me getting upset about.  And I am finding that to be the case - if it happens it happens, if it doesn't - so be it.  We have a slightly different system in Scotland so I am sure that none of this will make much sense to anyone but Gayle and Fiona!!  What was that ....... nothing I say ever makes much sense!

    Anyway onto much more important things, Sarah stick with us.  You have already realised how lovely these ladies are (and Dave ... and Alfie - are you back yet Alfie?), and how caring.  And what you will find, I am sure, is that you trust them, relate to them and KNOW that they do really understand how you feel, and that is worth its weight in gold.

    Sorry Helen, is there football on somewhere? - I hadn't noticed.  I think I might support France this time, what do you think! lol

    Very, very, very jealous of some you meeting up this weekend,.  how about having an extra seat with you everywhere and you can just pretend that the rest of us are with you!  Have a wonderful meet, both this weekend and next. (((((   ))))))

    Speak later - Judes xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Just a quick one - Judi France are out :-(  I was supporting them and now supporting Germany - just stick with me and I´ll keep you right lol x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hi everybody , i'm not sure what is wrong with my eye , it started running last night (which is more than Sue.s little boy did ) and when i woke up this morning it was very red and angry , not as angry as me , i couldn't put any make up on !!!! I went to the chemist and they gave me some anti biotic drops , when i say gave i mean charged me 5.75 ... I.ve been putting them in all day not easy when your driving and i had to listen to the match on the radio (so did the patients ) thay scored whilst i was driving oops .. I was very excited .. Anyway i am struggleing to focus so i'lm say bye for now xxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Evening All, Sorry i have not been posting but really busy with work and looking after my dad just back in from seeing him to bed so thought i must do a quick post. Sarah welcome to this site you will find it a great help it certainly has been for me and don't know where i would have been without all these lovely penguins. Keep posting. Lynne i do hope your eye improves, and also Gayle your fingers are ok in the morning. I hope you and the boys enjoy your new car you deserve it and can't wait for next weekend to get a run in it. Not long now to we have our weekend i can't wait although Gayle i told you,  you might find me in a corner sleeping as i will still be seeing to my dad till Thurs night. Hope everyone else is doing ok and Helen ans Ailsa you are enjoying the football. Judi you seem to be busy with work and your house. Well my kitten Bud seems to be settling down fine taken over the house and keeping me on my toes. Charlie's day tomorrow so i must get off to bed as he is in the back of seven. Sending everyone big hugs and hope i get on again soon. Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxx 

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Morning everyone.  I hope everyone is okay today and making the most of this lovely weather.  Great to hear from you Judi but you sound very busy with work and the house.  The house sale is sounding a bit traumatic so well done for staying calm.  The work on my garage has stalled a bit now I am waiting for other people.  Now I really appreciate Chris's 'pester power'.  I am going to have to make a few phone calls next week.  These next 2 weekends we penguins who are meeting up will be thinking of you who can't be there and we will raise a glass to each of you.

    Gayle, Lynne - hope the eye and finger are improving.

    Fiona you're doing a great job of looking after your Dad.  Did you have a nice time with Charlie yesterday.  Not long till we get together at Lynne's.

    Sue I hope you are getting lots of opportunity to watch Wimbledon.  My parents & I wiped the floor at the quiz last night because Mum had been watching the tennis.  We won the quiz which had a question about the final score in it.  We were in a tie-break with another team and Mum knew the exact length of time the match lasted so we won that.  Then we won the 'nearest to' question because mum knew the total number of aces.  To cap it all we won the draw for the bottle of wine - come on 'wee three'!  My Mum left the pub feeling very proud of herself.

     Best get ready for work.  Have a good day everyone.  Ailsa xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hey way to go Team Ailsa!  What a clever mummy you have :-))  Hope your work gets ticking along again, I hate waiting for people, there are quite a few things I have asked other people to help me with or they offered to do and I just wish I either could have done them myself or just not bothered - case in point is the Concorde stand for Steve's garden, I've given up now and a lovely man in Scotland is making a gnomon for the sundial, I'm quite happy to pay him as then we both know where we are... but hey, even that's taking forever.  I must learn more patience obviously.

    Well love and very cool hugs to you all, I noticed that none of us were here yesterday, all sweltering I guess.  The pool is open and even if not heated it is quite reasonably warm, so any penguins in need of a cool down do feel free to join me, til then have a good day and take care all.

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hi Everyone, I am home from Canada and whilst I had a lovely time there I feel really down and just flat. It was hard coming back to the  house without Bert.

    Meeting Brenda was lovely and I think she enjoyed spending some time with me too. Judi can you remind me what date in September we are going out I forgotten and need to book time off work soon. My memory is really bad just now I thought it would start getting better. Today is 4 months feels like forever. I am sorry I can not make the Manchester meet but too tired after being away plus I need to go back to work next week so will really need to try and chill out. I have wallpaper waiting to go up but because I fell I can't lift my right arm so it will have to wait a while.

    Enjoy your weekend everyone

    Love to All

    Teri