My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Welcome back Teri. It is always hard to come home to an empty house especially after being away and having company. The poor memory is not an unusual think inb our situation. One of tghe symptoms of a stressful situation and boy is this stressful.  Take time to relax and recharge before going back to work.

All who are going to the Manchester meeting I hope you have a good time.

I am now about to head off for a night shift. What on earth will I walk into tonight? Oh well, I will find out soon enough.

Gayle I hope your finger is better and Lynne I hoope your eye is better. Lynne and Fiona I am hoping both your dad's are enjoying betterr health.

Have a good evening and a good weekend everyone.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Aw Teri, hugs.  It was wonderful meeting you and I did enjoy spending time with you.  It is so difficult to come home to an empty house but you did it!  You should be so proud of yourself, that was a huge step to cross the ocean alone.  I have had a lot of little trips away and as I said, the last one was so much easier, maybe I am getting used to it.  Still hard to sit alone in the evenings.

My friends are taking me out for dinner tomorrow night for my birthday and another friend is taking me on a surprise outing on Sunday so they will keep me busy for the weekend.  Not really wanting to celebrate but at least I will be out.

Take care everyone

Hi Teri, nice to see you back. Your pics on FB are really good, so nice you got to meet Bren. I can't believe it is four months for you... it doesn't seem that long to me. Anyway you are doing well to have gone away alone and be thinking of returning to work. There is light at the end of the tunnel, it just takes time, for some longer then others. I think we will all get there eventually. Try to keep your chin up at least we have no shortage of support fromour friends on here. will try to get some pics of Manchester meet to put on FB if I can get the others to stay still for long enough.

Hope everyone has a good weekend and the sun keeps shining.  xx

Evening all . Well done Ailsa , i know who;s team i;m on if ever we do a quiz lol .. Rosemary i'll be joining you by the pool , i love the sun but its tireing working in it . Welcome back Teri ,i know the empty feeling wel as you walk in the door , hopefully you'll settle dowwn again soon . Have a good a night shift as you can Patricia , but if you have agood a week as i've had with patients it wont be good ,2 of our patients have collapsed as we got them home and we had to send for A and E to take then back , its always the last patient of the day and usually the ones that dont want to go home but we have no choice but to believe their symtoms and send for help .. Fiona hugs for you and your dad , my dad is in a lot of pain at the moment and he;s not due back at the hospital for weeks , dam the flaming camcer .

 I hada bit of a wobble yesterday , i needed a consultant to sign my consent form to do the collection next thurs and i decided that i would ask Gordons consultant to sign it , so i walked to his dept but when i got there i realised what i was doing and went to go back out again , well a nurse saw me and asked if i was ok so i told her waht i wanted , she said she would give Dr K the form and would i collect it later , so i left it with her and started walking away but before i got out the dept she came running after me and said Dr K wanted to see me , oh dam , knees we're jelly but i went into the dreaded office and he was sat there and also was the clinical nurse who was dealing with a trial that Gordon was going to go on . Well they asked me what i was doing , so i told them about the collection and charity day , and they asked how i was doing , i cant even remember waht i said . I know they we;re pleased to see me but just being in that office again put me on a downer all day and i wasn't very good last night , i dont think my painfull eye helped but its a lot better today .. Some more stuff has come from the charity today and i've had some lovely e mails from them . they want me to send them a pic of the display next thurs .. Anyway babble over , wine time lol Take care all xxxxxxxxxxx

Took me that long to do that post (easily dostracted) tha ti missed your post Lesley . Have a fantastic meet tommorow , i'm gutted to be missing it but have to help sis tommorow with her music festival . We need good weather too xxxxxxxx

Evening everyone... not posted for a few days but just wanted to let you know that I have been reading and thinking of you all... Had to have two days off work ill this week, but feel loads better now thank goodness! Was scared I might have to miss out on the meet tomorrow!

Terry and Bren, so glad that you managed to spend some time enjoying eachothers company. It is hard to go home but for me it has got a little easier each time - hopefully somewhere along the line you will feel the same. xx

Glad to hear that your eye is on the mend Lynne! Well done going to talk to the consultant, you are a braver man than I... Hope that you have a great day at the music festival tomorrow. xx

Thank you for all your lovely comments about H on FB. She had a lovely night, we had a bit of a wobble but got through it. Miles would have been so proud of her. She stayed at a friends overnight so it was my first night in the house on my own, think I did ok.

Can't remember what else I was going to say (you are right Patricia, the memory thing seems to get us all!) so will just send you all big hugs!

Manda xx

Evening everyone.  I noticed that no-one posted on Thursday as well Rosemary.  Possibly a first but we are having really great weather so it is good that everyone was busy, hopefully making the most of the sunshine.  Rosemary I hope the people you are waiting for to do jobs come through soon.  I got my quote from the builder today and I am very pleased with it so I will ring him on Monday and see when he can start.  It should only take him a couple of days to do.  The round window joiner is being really lovely.  He is retired so he can't actually do the round window frame.  He is going to do the template for the builder amd has been ringing round loads of joiners to get me the actual frame at a price HE is happy with, bless him!  I will need to ring Linda again soon so I might need you to ask her when will be a good time for me to phone.  It is just a question.  I am melting sitting here typing this so your pool sounds very inviting!!

Teri it is lovely to have you back.  It is so hard to come back to an empty house.  I have seen my counsellor again today and we have been talking about how I cope with being in the house on my own with no one to slow me down - not well it would seem!!  I am sure it will get better we just have to give it time.  It is great that you met up with bren and you both had a good time.  Bren I am sure you will enjoy your meal out for your birthday.  My birthday is just one day later on the 27th but it is somewhat overshadowed by the England Germany World Cup game.  Nevermind, at least I will have company and I am doing a bbq after the game.  Even if we don't feel like celebrating it might still be nice to be spoiled a bit.

Lesley I promise to stay still for a few photos tomorrow - I'm really looking forward to Manchester.  Patricia I hope your weekend shifts are okay and that you don't have to work too hard.  Take care.

Lynne you did brilliantly going into the office and speaking with the consultant.  I am sure I couldn't have done that.  Well done.  I am getting really excited about next weekend, it will be lovely to see you again.

Well I seem to be really tired again this evening so I am off for something to eat and then bed ready for Manchester tomorrow.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx

Hi everyone

Pools, sweltering, hot, ...... would someone like to translate please.  Ok, maybe that is a slight exaggeration, but not too much - we have some pale sunshine here but that is about it!!  Short post tonight becuase Ed and my best mates just dropped round and before you knew it a bottle of wine each had evaporated .... what is that you say ...... I had said it wasn't that hot here ..... well it must have evaporated because I surely couldn't have drunk a whole bottle in such a short time could I??

Rubbish week - all to do with houses, but not going to worry about that now.  Just want to say that I hope that those of you meeting up tomorrow have a wonderful time - hugs and more hugs for each and every one of you. 

Just wanted to say that that today .... it is Friday isn't it ?....... when I cam home from work I was just fed up and not a happy bunny - but you know what - that is an improvement.  I can clearly remember the time, not so very long ago actually, that Friday evenings were horrendous - I often used to be overwhelmed with a sense of "so what, it is Friday - and all that means is a weekend of misery" so personally I think that fed up has to be progression doesn't it?  Ooops, wine talking - sign off now Judes.

So much love to my penguins that get me through each and every day.

J xx

Evening everyone or should I say morning!

Just been out with my friends tonight to the local pubs and had a good laugh and gossip.  Had an up and down week with lots of difficult things going on but I just need to sort it out for myself and have a good hard think about what I want and what I need to do - sorry I know that doesn´t make sense but it does to me!  I feel I am going down the wrong path at the moment and need to find the strength to do the right thing.  Anyway, thats probably the drink talking. 

Lynne, sorry you had such a difficult time - you are braver than I as I don´t think I could have done it at all.  I can´t wait to see you next week and all the other penguins and the crooked spire!  My best friend is from South Shields but she lived in Chesterfield as a child and told me I have to visit it as that is all she can remember about the place lol.  Patricia, hope you have an okay night shift, Manda, glad you managed alone and got through H´s night, Ailsa, slow down mrs!  Terri, glad you had a nice holiday and Bren glad you have lots to keep you occupied through your birthday.  Rosemary, the pool sounds lovely!  Its been nice here today and again and I believe its supposed to be good at the weekend.  Judi, glad you had a nice evening with friends and I think your attitude to Friday is definitely an improvement!  I am now ok on a Friday its a Saturday night and Sundays which I absolutely can´t stand.  Hope all the penguins meeting up tomorrow have a lovely time.

My parents decided to take the boys to the caravan this weekend so I am having a relaxing weekend although will probably be just a bit hungover tomorrow and then I am going out again tomorrow night with a friend so Sunday will definitely be spent recovering before the boys come back!  I wasn´t working away this week or next week so it has definitely been a much easier week although still very busy with work.  Anyway, I thought I would post now as I might not get a chance to get back on till Sunday as busy day tomorrow.

Take care my penguins.

Gayle xxxx

Morning all , Gayle 2.45 !!!!!! you go girl , glad you had a good night hun and hope your feeling more settled soon . Your friends sound great Judi , i too used to dread the frinight feeling and its not a dread now like you just fed up but ususally if i've got something planned for the weekend i get over it with a glass or 2 of baileys lol . Good luck to the ladies meeting today , i am so jealous and i even thought of telling my sister i couldn't help her but i know how bushy she is today so she needs all the help she can get and she's doing so much for me next weekend cant really let her down , but we must plan another one soon in manchester xxx Thank you for all the comments on meeting Dr K , i have talked to him before after Gordon died but it was in a quiet room and not in his consulting room so i was pretty shakey . My over all impression  about seeing him and the Specialist nurse was they we're both smiling , usually when we'd seen them before there was always a worried look on their faces , they never gave us the good news that we'd always hoped for .I'm holing up at the moment , just staying busy and my eye is much improved , might even get make up on it today lol .. Hope everybody has a good weekend .. Happy burthday Bren xxxxxxx Love to all xxxx