My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

rosemary, hun

'no man's land ' ---  was that a freudian slip? xxx

Hadn't thought of that Sue, quite apt perhaps?  Just feels a bit like being lost in unknown territory at the moment xxxx

Hello Lovely Penguins, just wanted to say that I know I have been very quiet lately, but I do come and catch up with all the posts everyday...

Thanks for all your messages on facebook, have been quite a bit more with it again today so hopefully by the time we get back from menorca I'll be back on the outside of the huddle again!

Take care everyone, much love, Manda. xx

Oh, yes.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))    xxx

Evening All, Well i was on last night late on and done a post and yes you guessed i lost it, so i will try tonight again. Well i was glad to get yesterday over it was a very big funeral he was a very popular man. I have just been writing a letter to another man who has lost his wife very suddenly this week all so sad. I was working today it was what we call our food town day where the main street was shut off to cars and various things were on so shop was very busy it was a shame as started rain. I am just watching Britains Got Talent tonight. I also need to do my ironing but will get it tomorrow i hope. Hope everybody doing ok and i send hugs to you all Fiona xxxxxxxxxx

Thanks Sue , it did make me smile xxxx

Hi All,

First of all, can I say a big thank you to all your messages of comfort and welcome, they are greatly appreciated, and really do help.  Secondly, apologies for not having posted since my first message, but I have been away with work for over a week, and then spending a few days at my wifes parents - the "outlaws" - as my dog has been staying with then while I have been away. 

Work continues to be a big help with everything, but I must admit, I had the weekend in Dubai to myself before continuing my travels, and that was very tough, as that was somewhere Karen and I had been on holiday before, a long time ago, but it seemed all too close,  Was also very tough seeing all those happy couple and family enjoying their holidays.  

Am back home for the weekend, and then I am away Monday for 2 full weeks of holiday.  This will be the first real time I have been really been on my own - no work, no family, no friends, no dog.  As much as I want to get away (have not had a proper holiday in 2 years), am also dreading it as well, if you know what I mean.  I will take my laptop with me though, so I may well check in from time to time !

As for general state of mind, I am good when I work, and when I have things to focus on.  When I stop, the true horror of everything then comes flooding back.  At the end of the day, as many people of also talked about, the past 17yrs of my life have not been me, but "us".  Trying to come to terms with the realisation that the person I love more than anything in the world is no longer here is truly more awful than anything I could ever imagine.

Anyway, sorry to end on a down note.  I will try and keep reading everyone's posts and hopefully start to contribute more.

Much love to everyone here,

Alfie.

Hi Alfie xx

You describe how we all feel, keeing busy is our main way of coping at work etc, but you end up so tired you have to give in eventually. Enjoy your hols and give into the tears when need be, they have to come out. You are doing so well, it is early days. Take your lappy with you and keep reading and posting when you feel like it xxx

I know what you mean about families etc, you feel like shouting at them dont you lol xx Would seem a bit mad though he he!!! But dont apologise for being down or having a moan, we re all here to listen and take our turns in moaning. Its all allowed. Big hugs to you, enjoy your holiday, you deserve it xxx

Helen xxx

Evening everyone

I think I have caught up with everyones posts ......... ooops waited too long and now it has all slipped from my brain. 

Fiona, hugs to you my darling, I think that you get these times where all around you seems to be a sea of bad news - you WILL NOT go under cos we are all here to keep you afloat. 

Alfie, don't expect too much from yourself, take your lappy, try and relax a little on your break and most importantly be kind to yourself, and as Helen has so wisely said, let the tears come when they need to - they just need out.  Lots of love and strength to you. 

Rosemary - Muckers elbow doesn't sound very nice at all, but I would suggest you see if you can get the ironing done on prescription.  Loved the Blesseds tale - If Sam has the occasional commute that is worthy of retelling it may make the rest of them bearable.  How is Daniel? 

Lynne - mush for brains, oh I think I can beat you this time.  As you all know in a few days the 'Mother and Boy road trip' commences.  On thursday at work I got an email from Aegean Airways confirming my Heathrow to Athens flighs on Saturday 5th June ..... er no, we are flying on Friday 4th June ........ aren't we??? To cut a long story short (oh yes, and when has Judes every used two words when twenty will do!) we were supposed to arrive at 2am on 5 June but someone (ok, me) booked to TAKE OFF on 5th June.  Big, big oops, as this mucked up domestic flights, hydrofoil tickets and everything else that goes with it.  However, very kindly they offered to change our flights for the princely sum of £728!!!!!!  Even Boy and I would have to go some to make 24 hrs extra worth that amount of money.  If you could have seen the blood draining from my face when I realised what I had done.  Anyway, it will now be a six day holiday!!  I am now the only person tha tthe BA strike has actually helped as I was able to blag ANOTHER change of tickets for the domestic part of the trip.  What an IDJEET!!

House is coming along and I hope, hope, hope that it will be ready to go on the market just as I am away, then if anyone does decide they want to view it will be tidy and ready to show, no dogs and no untidy Boys lolling around!

Gayle, saw you photos on FB at SATC - you looked gorgeous.

Just been out for supper with Ed's sister, lovely meal (yes I did sucumb to the sticky toffee pudding) and this evening it was me that managed to look after her and spot the 'leaky eyes' coming (like that term Patricia) and gently 'bring her back'  She has done it so often for me I was glad to be able to repay the favour. 

Well am off to be to read for a while.  Enjoy half term all those of you who have a week off and to everyone else Kali nickta, kalo hypno (which very loosely translated means good night, sleep well).

Love Judes xxx

I don't believe this my extremely long post of support for Alfie and everyone else has disappeared into the ether. grrrrrr......

so come on you ailing penguins, shuffle into the middle of the huddle. You all know who you are. I am stretching like mad to get my arms around you all.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x