My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Ailsa, Lynne and I are in York next Saturday! and yes I would thoroughly reccommend the hairy bikers... Sorry to hear about Chris's van, it never ceases to amaze me how these 'so called' friends can behave... xx

Lynne hope your sister is soon on the mend... what are you both like! xx

Glad to hear that Charlie is a bit better Fiona. I've had visits from my great nephew and two of my great nieces this week - it really lifts me up when they visit! xx

Hope everyone else is ok...

Much love, Manda xx

Hello all, looks like you have all been very chatty over the past few days.

I have been working and guess what..... it was actually fairly pleasant (for a change).

Well done on your walk Helen. I intended doing one too but for some reason never organised it which is just as well as I think my toe is truly broken. I actually took my slippers to work with me. How bad is that?

Made a birthday cake for my sister's half century. Her kids organised a surprise party for her and we all had a lovely time yesterday afternoon. (Sadly with two important people missing).  The cake looked good and surprisingly it tasted good too lol. Not a crumb was left. Can't post a pic as my firewall won't let me, so I shall describe it for you. It was a four layer sponge sandwich cake with strawberry jam as the filling. I covered it with a pale yellow fondant icing and put a starburst decoration in the centre (stars on wires .. a bit like if you had mini helium balloons in a bunch). I then decorated the sides of the cake with tiny stars in yellow and burnt orange colour. with a yellow ribbon around the bottom edge of the cake.  Then I piped Happy 50th Birthday Andrea around the top of the cake. More stars around the top edge and radiating from the centre piece. I took a block of marzipan and covered it with icing. Put 50 candles on it and decorated ther edges. placed both on a wooden chopping board for easy transportation. Lit all the candles before we took it in to her. Sang happy birthday and watched her go blue trying to blow them all out (only joking).

Anyway, just thought  would let you know.

Will post later as have to go to church now.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Wow, Patricia, you are so clever - i couldn't make and decorate a cake like that if I tried. Well done!

sue xx

Ok, I'm back.  I hope that you are all having a lovely Sunday.   

Judi, I hope this new plume of ash is not going to affect your travel plans.

Manda and Lynne have a good time in York

Ailsa, some people can be soooo insensitive and opportunist don't you think? I would be angry at the man who is selling the van too.

Have a good day everyone. I am trying to decide what to do with my day but nothing is springing to mind. Decisions, decisions. sorry for rambling but somehow the day seems to be stretching ahead with nothing in it. Ah well, Maybe I should set myself a project. Life seems so much more meaningful when I have something to focus on. Trouble is I have too much time and not enough energy or enthusiasm. 

I think I'll just go sit on the penguin ledge and watch the world go by for a while.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hi all

I hope everyones ok.

Lifes been pretty hectic down here .The kids are in a routine and George seems a lot more settled .Freddies a happy little thing and nothing much bothers him, considering hes been passed from pilar to pose .

So now I find myself asking "what now then" is this it .

Or do I try and attempt to make some sort of new life ,and what sort of life will it be without Nic .

Its daunting but know I have to move forward for mine and the kids sake.

Anyway im sure something will come along and change things.At the moment i seem to be waiting for something to happen .

Again i wish everyone well

Thanks Dave xx

hi all

have read all the posts but of course can't remember what anyone said when I go to post.  Dave you have done so well with those little boys.  I find I come home from work every day and think 'is that all there is, this is it?"  You will sort out a life for you and the boys in time.

Patricia do take care of yourself, check that toe out.  The cake sounds wonderful and I am sure they were very happy to have it and you there.   Chris's van just makes me mad but people are so insensitive aren't they.

I am hanging on to your sparkly rope and slowly climbing back up.  There was a sale yesterday on my favourite (expensive) sandals so I went and bought myself not 1 not 2 but 4 pairs!!  So I will model the at work for the week.  I also went for a hair cut for the first time in a very long time, very very over do so I don't look quite so much like an old hag right now/  Today is actually looking like it is going to be warm, sunny so I hope to get outside even to sit in the sun for a little while.Nothing major planned, maybe tea with my neighbour and of course all the shores I haven't done all weekend like laundry.

Last night one of my friends from group phoned and wanted to meet for coffee.  It was really great to talk to her.  We decided that Saturday nights are the worst and maybe we can plan some kind of get together for the group on Saturday nights, meet for coffees or whatever.  That would be great to have something to look forward to during the week on a regular routine.

I must get organized for Ottawa next weekend.  I will leave directly from work on Friday so need to pack for myself, the dog and the cat.  Just like having children to pack for! My friend will pick up the dog from the house after work and he will be just fine, I will drop the cat at the vet for boarding as he needs his insulin injections twice a day, so much work just to go away for a few days!

hope you all are doing ok

Bren

Sue, it is just that I enjoy trying to be creative. Fortunately I find this sort of thing very therapeutic. Ray was always my gauge for when to sop piling on the decorations etc. He used to say "Less is more" meaning making it simple it is more classy.Sorry I didn't see that you had posted when I dropped by earlier.

Bren, wow FOUR pairs of sandals. Good for you. I wish you well to wear them.  I am glad that you feel more comfortable with your new haircut. It is good when you feel so much better isn't it.? Enjoy your visit to Ottowa. The change will do you good I am sure.

:ove and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hi everyone,

Helen - well done on the walk.  I did one last year but didn't feel up to it this year as ours was last Saturday.  Ailsa, that is absolutely terrible what that so called friend did.  I have had very bad trust issues for quite a while now so can understand what you mean.  Lynne, glad you had a great time and looking forward to next week.  Judi, glad you are feeling better.  Patricia - that cake sounded amazing - you are a very clever lady!  Amanda, glad you had a good time at hairy bikers.  Fiona, good to hear Charlie is not too bad and seems to be recovering.  Bet you are excited about the kitten.  Dave, I know exactly what you are meaning.  I too feel a big sense of waiting at the moment.  What are we waiting for though and will we know when it happens?

Well I seem to have hit a slide again and just can't pick myself up.  It started at the start of the week and has got worse.  I just feel like getting in my car and driving but you can't run away from yourself is the problem.  I don't even know what are triggered it but just feeling incredibly alone and lost and like I've hit that self destruct button again.  Part of the cure is to keep very busy but I have gone too far and now all I want to do is lie on the couch or in my bed feeling very sorry for myself and can't make myself be busy.  I was away at the caravan last night with the kids and my sister and it was okay and it was a distraction (plus my best friend came with her family) but back home now and its Sunday and its hitting home again.  Like Dave says I am waiting.  Waiting for what?  Wully to walk to through the door and say it was all a big mistake and thats not going to happen.  This time last year he came home from the hospice basically to spend time with us before he died.  Thats probably what is in my head.  Life is just so so bloody unfair.  I feel like being a 3 year old and just standing and stamping my feet and screaming.

Anyway on that happy note :-) ....

Gayle xxx

Gayle, I understand that feeling of 'waiting'. It is bizarre. Can you not find yourself a room - stand in the middle and do exactly what you want ---- Stamp your feet and SCREAM like mad. It won;t change things but it might make you feel better if you can trelease that tension.

Love and angel hugs from and old penguin x x x Patricia x x x