My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi everyone.  Thank you all for your messages.  It really does help.  Thank you Sue for the flowers and Lynne for the angels.  I managed to sleep later this morning so I hope that means I will be less tired after the weekend.  I think you all know by now that although the 2nd should be 'the day' for me in my head it is tonight.  Chris dies at 1:27am on Saturday morning and we never actually got the chance to go to bed that night - although we tried several times, bless him!!  So tonight is the crunch and by tomorow morning I think I will be a little calmer.  On Sunday which is the actual 2nd we will go to the cemetery together with lots of flowers and then my parents and kids are coming back to mine for something to eat.  Chris left me one last major DIY project to complete which involves making the garage into a more organised workshop/breakout room for visiting smokers.  I have to get a commemorative stained-glass round window put in a wall that is not built yet.  We planned it together.  I have made a start by contacting some to the tradesmen I will need but this weekend the kids and I are going to start the big clearout that needs to be done to make way for the wall.  When we have done there will be some 'Chris' memorabilia including a few treasured golf clubs, his stage lighting rig and a painting he did of the building he worked in, on display.  It seems fitting to make the serious start on it this weekend - but also the kids will be home to help so there is method in my madness!! lol!!

Strangely I feel a lot calmer today - tireness is a dreadful thing isn't it. 

Judy good luck with the house sale and the new house hunting.  Like Bren says, I could not even begin to think about moving from this house because of the amount of accummulated 'stuff'.

I hope everyone else is feeling okay and has some plans for the bank holiday weekend.  We don't get enough of them so they are not to be wasted.  helen I am glad the Nat is feeling better.  Lots of ((((((((hugs)))))))) to you as well for the coming week.  I am pinning my hopes on a rest from significant dates after the next week so maybe you are feeling the same.

I need to go and get ready for Becky & Declan coming for the weekend so probably speak later.  Thanks again to everyone for your support.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

Hi - sorry, I didn't mean to write that Chris dies at.... I meant to type died.  Makes me look like a complete nut and I'm not really.  I wish my 'more' button worked!!!  Or maybe the d shouldn't be next to the s on the keyboard.

Sorry about that.  Ailsa xx

xx

Well done Ailsa your doing fantastic hun and good luck with the clear out , the room sounds great and what a lovely idea to have all the family doing such a special thing .. Still hugging you xxx

 Patricia well said , it was Ailsa that started this thread for which i give thanks for everyday xx How something so good can come out of something so bad is beyond me xx

Sue thanks again for helping me out with the dreams xxxxxx    

 Hugs to all now lets hit the wine xxxx

Dear Ailsa,
Thinking of you and sending lots of love and ((((((((((HUGS))))
Quill xxxxx

I don't know what to say to help or comfort you - so to all of you lovely ladies going through a tough time just now I am sending lots of love and many comforting ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ailsa my love as Lynne says you are doing amazingly well and we all applaude you and thank you for starting this thread and bringing us all together.  For all of you coming up to the 1st Anniversary just sending you lots of love, also for those 6 months, 7, 8 or whatever it is that "this time last year" is hitting you with, the second year is very strange.  People have said it is worse but I think it just has the "this time last years" taken away so you feel even more adrift.  An old friend (who happens to be male and thinks he knows a lot about life) said to me many months ago that he had been told that it takes women about 18 months to get over losing their husband so he would be kicking my arse if I was wallowing then - I told him I'd kick his right back, no one puts time scales on feelings that easily.  However having said that I think in some ways there is some strength returning, I can see that there are so many things I can cope with now and I know I have to start planning MY future.  That I guess is where the statistic came from, anyone who has been through this or is going through this knows that one minute you can be full of positve hope and plans and withing seconds tears will be falling as something sparks the tiniest memory, but those tears too dry a little quicker and the bitter sweet smile of that memory lingers as small comfort.  I don't know if I have made sense or helped anyone, hopefully not upset anyone, and maybe it's the Baileys talking (thanks Lynne!) and making me feel thoughtful and stuff, or maybe it was the return to the beginning that I hadn't been expecting, whatever I'm just grateful to Ailsa for bringing together this huddle of penguins and giving us all a place where we can ramble out our thoughts that others wouldn't understand.  Love you all girls and guys and thinking of you all everyday xxxxxxxxxx

dear Rosemary

Thank you for that post - yes, it makes a lot of sense.

The penguin huddle is truly a lifesaver, and many penguin quacks (or whatevers) to ailsa for starting this thread, although ~i KNOW that we all wish it wasn't necessary.

 No, Napoleon that is NOT what penguins say, but thank you for trying to help.     (napoleon is a special needs penguin, who has delusions of adequacy. Bless.) 

sue xx

 

 

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.

 

You can do your part by remembering  to contact

At least one unstable person to show you care.

Well .....  My job is done.

Your turn!

Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend...just as I've done.

I don't care if you lick windows or take the special bus...you hang in there sunshine, you're special.

Every sixty seconds you spend angry, upset or mad,

Is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Today's Message of the Day is:

Life is short,

Break the rules,

Forgive quickly,

Kiss slowly,

Love truly,

Laugh uncontrollably,

And never regret anything that made you smile.

Yay! I posted pictures, I posted pictures........ more Baileys Lynne, more ice?

Bars open on the ledge girls and boys EVERYONE welcome, lots of cushions, blankets, the fires going and there's Baileys, hot choccy, biccies and lots of hugs to share xxxxxxxx