My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Oh Fiona, how very sad that such a young child should die. My sincere condolences to the family of that dear little child. RIP 'Angel' x x x

I hope you all have the best day you can. I shall be waiting for my washing machine to be repaired so will be 'trapped' at home all day. I may even get some chores done if I can motivate myself.   Right now though I am going to bed to try to get some sleep.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Goodness me, some of you are such night owls!

Fiona that is so sad, poor little mite, well poor parents, I can't even begin to imagine how they will cope.

Like Ailsa I did realise it was Mother's day but I think I will treat my mum the weekend before and order flowers for the actual day and I guess it will be nice for Rachel to spend her first Mother's day with her special little boy and husband  :-)

Manda, my wrist is in plaster for another 3 weeks but everyday I can do a little more, it feels like it is just in the way now.

Today is the last of my days off on my back to work plan, full time from tomorrow, having said that after next week it is half term, lol! School are talking about redundancies again, we had this last year and me and my collegue were two of the staff at risk, as we are the only two who do our particular role in school. I was sick with worry last year but somehow I can't be bothered with it this time, if I get made redundant, so what. Maybe after what we have endured it makes you hardend to the usual worries. I keep thinking well I will take the money (I've worked for local government for over 20 years) and find another job. It's funny how much your outlook on life changes isn't it?

I'm enjoying my lie in bed this morning, chores to do later then babysitting this afternoon while Rachel is at the dentist, my little man all to myself  :-)))))

Tomorrow I should be going to my first bereavement support group at the local hospice, it is held monthly. I was supposed to go before Christmas but Dec & Jan were cancelled because of the weather. I am not sure what to do now. Part of me says leave it because today seems to be a 'positive' day but then by weekend it could change back to 'negative'. Part of me thinks it would be a good idea for me to get out of the house and meet with others. Any suggestions fellow penguins??

Lynne I hope all goes well for you today.

Fiona, I hope Kim has a lovely birthday, I am sure you will do everything possible to  make it special for her.

Love Lesley  xx

Dear lesley

For what it's worth, I think it would be a good idea to give the bereavement counseling a go.As you say, thankfully today is a good one in terms of positivity, but wwe all know how quickly it can all change. You wouldn't lose anything by going, but might regret it later if you don't.

good luck

Sue xx

Lesley, I agree with Sue about the councelling but must warn you that it can be quite harrowing. I go to to councelling at the hospice and I make sure to take my tissues. The first time I went, I felt drained for the next few days but eventually it does kind of help. A bit like on here but they draw things from you somehow.

I have a final session of the partners group this month (delayed from January due to the weather). Not sure I want to go, but will do it anyway because I commited to it.

I may still attend the drop in sessions but don't know yet. I will see how things go. I did promise to take Ray's mum to them though.

Mother's day this year will be a little easier for me as regards Ray's mum. Last year was the first one where he could not be on the card so I just wrote "Happy Mother's Day" but never signed it.  She did comment but it was just not possible for mne to do that. I felt as though I was throwing him away.

Take care.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Evening everyone

Judi, glad you managed to smile about some memories xx I am finding a few things I am smiling about now, not all tears. But.......one Helen is enough!!!! You re probably right lol! Gayle dont you listen to this lot, you keep at it..well done!!

Lynne hope you were pleased with everything today and it was worth the wait xx

Lesley like you I have got half term coming up too, have you got any plans? I havent yet, might try and use the theatre vouchers I got for my birthday last year with Nat. Also need to catch up with friends, we all seem to have been so busy lately. Oh and have some lie ins too!! I d give the councelling a go if I were you, you never know if you dont try do you?

It is soooo cold here, I ve got a friend coming round tonight for a coffee and a chat so dont need to go out.

Hope everyone else is ok tonight, love to all

Helen xxxx

Evening all , Thank you for keeping me calm yesterday and stoppingme from getting arrested lol . I managed to get to the church yard about 10ish . My boss letme walk up to it on my own and i could see it before i got there , i started crying as soon as i saw it but then i got a text from Ailsa asking me if i'd got there , so i had to stop crying to read my text so thank you Ailsa , it stopped me wailing whilst i was texting you xx It is what i wanted, BIG lol it does stand out . They had left a few things out of place but nothing that wasn't sorted in a few mins . My boss then came and we stood just talking for a while . I took photos buit i dont think i want to put them on face book as i dont want to upset his daughters . I've spoke to 1 tonight and sent them  pics , she was really happy with it , but she did help me pick it . If anyone wants me to e mail pics i will but i will put them on face book eventually , can you post them on this site ? .

 Fiona , how sad , poor parents there is so much sadness in this world .xx

 Gayle sorry my text was short this afternoon but i was driving and after giving you a row the other day about texting and driving i thought i'd better wait till i stopped lol . Hope your finger is a bit better now .xx

 Lesley hope your arm continues to improve , we have loads of patients at the moment with casts on after the snow and ice form last time . i didn't go for counciling but i just didn't really want to have any more time off work , i think if it was after work i would have gone so good luck hun and hope it goes well xx Helen when we we're discussing the other day wether it was better tolive on your own or with the kids , there are advantages of both , but the biggest advantage of living on your own is that you can stay on the intenet all night with nobody bothering you or cancing your status on facebook lol every time your back is turned . any other advantages ? at the moment i cant think of any xx

Sue the story about lucky made me lol but untill someone pointed it out i too thought the boy had bought the fish into school with him , i am gullible lol xx

Glad you got through your day Judi , and with a few smiles , your amazing xx Patricia are you feeling any better now xx Hi Amanda , Bren Dave Quill Dottee and Hazel  have i missed anyone ? Take care xxx Lynne xxxx

Hi everyone,

Glad you got everything sorted Lynne with the headstone.  You could send the pictures on a private message through facebook I think?  Thats okay about the text.  I am still laughing about that on Friday.  Lynne texted me to ask where I was and I said I had about an hour to go, so she sent me another text to give me a row for reading texts whilst driving lol!!!  I couldn't stop laughing so of course sent her one back saying ok. 

Helen, bet you are looking forward to the break.  I enjoyed being off work Monday and Tuesday but ended up a lazy couch potato although I have been sticking to the wii fit - I won't listen to them lol!

Lesley - hope the counselling went okay.  I got offered it by the hospice but declined.  When I visited the hospice in December for a christmas service it set me back weeks and I couldn't sleep or eat (still don't have my appetite back) so knew I couldn't face going for counselling sessions.  Plus I have all you lovely ladies and you are all the support I could ever want.

Fiona - so sad to hear about the loss of a child.  Very tragic and I wouldn't even want to imagine what the parents are going through as it would be too painful.

I am still feeling quite positive this week which I think came from meeting Lynne - it helped a lot so long may it continue (or at least until our March meet and then I can top up the positive feeling!)  I am feeling sick though.  I knew it wouldn't be long till the antibiotics started making me feel rubbish lol - at least my fingers not sore anymore - can't win!

Hope everyone else is doing as well as they can.

Gayle xxx

Hi all

Sorry i havent been on for a bit.

I had abit of ahectic weekend at footie on Sat then met up with a friend.Ended up making abit of a weekend of it.

I might as well when I can get the childcare lol.

Anyway back to everyday life running after the kids ect school nursary,washing cleaning the house Ahhhg i think i might have to employ a cleaner.

 Fiona thats terrible about the little one xx My thoughts are with the parents.

I hope everyone else is ok and thanks for caring xxx

Dave xx

A quick drop in to leave lots of ((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) and love to all..........Dot xxxxxxxx