My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember
FormerMember
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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember
    sorry - Cary - for mis-spelling your name xx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Evenng all and first of all welcome Cary to our little forum , please keep posting you'll get lots of support on here and we can all say "yes we know" and we'll help all we can , there is always room for another penguin xx. 

      Have a good trip Helen and we'll all look forward to hearing about it when you get back . xx  

     So sorry you've had a bad few days too Fiona , i think with all the build up to xmas it was so easy for us all to slip back a little , hopefully we'll all get through these next few days together and we'll all be here for you when Darren goes xx   

     Love the Pic Quill xx   

    Patricia i'll look forward to your update , we've all noticed your posts are short , i hope its bacause your really busy and not because your down too xx 

    Judi what a blow but like you say its probably for the best but i know how dissapointed you must be , i hope you get your trip sorted soon xx 

      Amanda i hope you and H have managed to get through Miles birthday ok , i've been thinking about you , i hope H is ok after her trauma this morning xx 

     Ailsa , fancy getting Carys name wrong with your little letters on your phone mmmm i remember someone laughing at my post the other night because of the little writing lol , what did Father Ted say ?? .xx

     We was quiet at work today also . I,ve been trying not to focus on tommorow too much but its ther all the time (6 months) but i think after sunday i cant slip that low again (i hope) . Hope evrybody else is having a better day than the last few days .xx

     take care

     Lynne xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    xx

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    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hello everyone.  I did rather have Father Ted's words ringing in my ears when I had to correct Cary's name Lynne.  That will teach me.  I have a proper keyboard in front of me now!

    I hope everyone else is okay.  I feel like I am slipping down an icy slope right now.  I concentrated so much on getting Christmas right that I never gave New Year a thought until yesterday.  I can't get the idea that I am leaving Chris behind in 2009 out of my head.  I know it is stupid because of course he will come into 2010 with me.  None of the kids will be here on Thursday.  Becky has gone home and Toni usually spends new years eve with her friends and taxis will be dificult that night.  Stu is working until 10 and then he is going to some mates house to bring in the new year.  His girlfriend will be at mine.  I was a bit peeved at him until maybe the last hour when I suddenly realised just how hard it would be for him to be in my house on new years eve without his dad.  The penny has only just dropped that I think he is not being here on purpose.  Now it has dropped I can't blame him.  My neighbour who used to work with Chris is planning on coming to mine but has it in her head that I want to nip out for a drink and can't because my mum & dad are coming round.  Suddenly I feel like I am being pulled in every direction by people who only want to help and I don't want to upset anyone.  The truth is I want to go to bed early and sleep through it because on here we all know the anticipation is usually worse than the reality.  Cheryl wants me to mark the evening with a tribute to Chris and I think that will make it even more difficult.  I am happy to do no more than set off a sky candle and get through it in one piece. 

    Right - just had the biggest meltdown I have had in weeks but have rung my mum & dad and stuart and I am okay again now.  I presume I am not the only one feeling like this so has anyone got any ideas for how I get through new years eve in one piece and how I help anyone else feeling like I do, to get through it as well?  I need penguin solutions please?

    Cary I have a brother living in Timsbury - is that near you at all?

    Hope everyone else is okay.  Ailsa xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    you're not alone, Ailsa

    I shall be in bed by ten, having taken double pills, and shall ignore the fireworks as much as possible.

    I have no qualms about leaving 2009 behind; it's been one of the worst years ever, and i shall carry my lovely alan forward in my heart to face a new year, with all its challehges.

    It cannot possibly be as bad as this year has been.

      feel a bit like this little fellow at the moment, but am determined to meet 2010 next year head on.

    xx

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    Hi ladies (and Dave) You always make a lot of sense Sueand i suppose we should all be glad to leave 2009 behind , but i darn't say 2010 cant be any worse , i said that about 2009 and afterthe previous bad year (losing my mum) so now i'll just try and go quietly into the new year without saying to much xxAilsa your melt down sounds a little like mine on sunday , i think we're all due one , i too have been dreading new years eve , my daughter wants me to go for a meal with her and her friends and then back to hers , my youngesr son wants me to go and be with them at theirs and some friends have asked me to join them but to tell you the truth i want to do what Sue is planning and sleep through it but i dont think i will be allowed too . so i wish you all peace in what ever everyone decides to do .

    Take care

    Lynne xxxxxxxxx

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    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Thank you Sue.  I know in my heart I am carrying Chris into 2010 with me.  I sometimes need to find something solid to do to symbolise what I am feeling so maybe I need to work out what I need with me on Thursday night to get me through.  I am about as much use as a chocolate fireguard tonight so it might be a good idea if I go to bed very soon.  I am glad to be leaving 2009 behind for exactly the same reasons but I am quite scared of 2010 - can I go back to 2006 please?  Ailsa xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hi all

    Have had a long chat with mum and dad tonight and am feeling much happier now.  We all know that the right decision about not attempting to travel was the made, they already have had over six inches of snow this afternoon.

    New Year, ah well, personally last year it was the idea of actually saying the words "Happy New Year" or having them said to me that I found distressing - I just felt - how could it be happy, he's not here.  I am really, really not trying to be the voice of gloom, just saying please don't expect too much of yourselves.  Cos no matter what, we are all here for each other and can support each other through thenext few days.  

    Boy glanced over my shoulder earlier today, and perceptive as ever said "Is that the Macmillan site mum?" I nodded with a tear and he said "Does it help?" to which I was able to turn round and honestly say "More than anything".  "That's good then" her replied.  How true.

    Love to all - Judi xxxx

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    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hi Judi glad your a little more settled now , and i think your right about the new year , i dont think i can listen to it all if i go out  , so the sleep option is looking good . xxxx  Boy sounds very wise bless xxxxx