My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Morning everyonexx

Sorry I didn`t get on last night, had a Xmas night out. Was a good night and I actually wore a dress and my pink heels!!! Had a good night, think there were few photos taken so I`m sure they will be on facebook later.

Our concert was absolutely lovely, the children did us proud!!! Sang their little hearts out, no tears or running to Mummy, was so proud of them xx

Ailsa I have been the same with cards, had tears over Paul`s name not being on them!! Can`t win can we lol!! The plague is lovely xx

Amanda hope you have better weekend, you`re welcome to message me anytime. Sound off a bit!! Might help xx

Lesley glad you`re on the up of the rollercoaster at the mo, enjoy it while it lasts!!

Lynne, supercider drinker had a few last night lol!!! Enjoy your night tonight xx

Judi your stories make me laught, I still haven`t written any cards either xx

Going to go and choose a tree today and get my my decorations out, Natalie wants to decorate it with me but she`s out today and we`re xmas shopping tomorrow so will probably do it tomorrow night.

Dave, Patricia, Sue, Gayle, Esme and Dotte (and anyone I`ve forgot, sorry!!) Have a good weekend

Helen xxx

Good morning, everyone

Sorry i was feeling a bit abandoned last night - i know just what you all mean about the phone stopping ringing and the visitors coming to a complete halt. Felt sorry for myself last night, as have a cold starting and didn't feel well at all. Still, a good sleep helped and now have to get my butt in gear and do something .

The christingle service was beautiful yesterday; all my little ones dressed up, mainly in angel costumes because they like the tinsel, and they sang really well.  One of them immediately took the Christingle to bits and ate it, but hey - she's only three!

  Sue xx

Ah Sue sorry you felt abandoned , (((((((((higs)))))))))))  i hope you dont come down with a cold now , its far to close to xmas and the lantern launch , i cant believe i'm actually looking forward to the day now just bacause if this , thank goodness you had the idea Sue xxxx

Helen , glad you had a good night , look forward to seeing the photos , no doubt i will be putting some on tommorow after my do .

Hope everybody is busy doing there cards JUDI !!!! bah humbug sorry i'm not doing any , cant face choosing them , i'm sending calendars to family and everybody else hopefully wont notice , and i will put money into the hospice collection too . xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone.  Thanks again for the comments about the tribute to Chris at his work.  I finally managed to drop back off to sleep this morning for another couple of hours but then had to be up to help with the neighbourhood watch Christmas fayre and get my hair done.  Both jobs are done now so I am about to get my head down for a bit as I am out on a work Christmas do - bowling - at 6:30 tonight.  I am so tried I will probably forget to let go if I don't get some sleep lol!!.  I will record x-factor and watch it when I get in.

Sue I hope your cold is just a gentle one this close to Christmas.  I am pleased to hear that both yours and Helen's kiddies did so well with their services.

Lynne I am working on the message for my status and will post it tomorrow.

Take care everyone and have a good evening.  Ailsa xx

Hi all, hope you are all doing ok tonight, sending you all lots of hugs and love.  Sent Steve's best mate some Sky Candles tonight, I think he will be joining us (with his family who loved Steve too and called him Uncle Grommit "more cheese Grommitt?") so Essex will be lighting up on Christmas Day too.  Feeling a bit unreal at the moment, keep getting wobbly about the silliest of things and very tired, I know it's the "this time last year"syndrome and having to get through Christmas and then January when we lost Steve, but don't know how to get myself out of it.  Sorry to be a downer, just glad we have this little corner to hide in when no-one else understands and I can't talk to the kids and upset them more I know Daniel is having a tough time at the moment and Samantha is now on anti-depressants (mild ones which will help her with the brain injury too I hope, it's all part of her problems at the moment).  Hugs to you all, if anyone fancies camping out on the ledge again tonight I'll see them there with a mug of hot chocolate and a blanket, watching the stars and just sitting quietly.  xxxxx

I'll be there! Have gone to bed because staying up was too much trouble.  We all seem to be feeling the same way - not really surprising, is it!   In have done precisely nothing today; at this rate the christmas cards will still be awaiting posting in april!

need to shift my rear end tomorrow and do something, but not sure what.

Well, there's always next week.

i'm going back into the chemo ward on Monday week to take in a card and some DVDs; with the money we raised in memory of alan, the ward has bought a formula 1 wheelchair (they called it something different - can't remember what) and some portable DVD players for the patients to use during chemo and transfusions. we sent out an appeal on fb and have hundreds to take in - not a single duplicate, which is amazing.

    sue xx

Will keep a place for you Sue.  I have got together some DVD's for you, will post them Monday hopefully.  Don't worry about the Christmas cards if you don't feel up to doing them, last year when Steve was so ill I just didn't send any, I don't think anyone minded and if they did then they didn't know what was going on.  Really anyone who is a friend will understand if you don't send cards, take the stress off a bit and just email a few for those that you can (Jaqui Lawson dot com do lovely ones) it's easier and much more environmental of course!

Thats jacquielawson.com not the above spelling

Think that I may be joining you again Esme... I seem to have a few 'good' minutes then come crashing down again - what a state! And Sue, how wonderful about the DVD's - I saw your request on FB but wasn't sure if I still had time to send some to you or not...

Have been up into the loft tonight to get the Xmas decorations down. I haven't been up there since Miles moved in with me 18 years ago so I was quite pleased with myself. It is quite scarey being balanced on top of the step ladders lifting out the hatch and having to hoist yourself up into the little space - all in the small space at the top of the stairs... Think I might invest some money in getting a proper loft ladder fitted!

It was really sad seeing all Miles' old stuff up there... He kept his photo albums of all his work up there (he was a custom airbrush artist) so I stayed a little while looking through them all, then found his wetsuit and his bike and car racing helmets. I had a good old cry before I came back down the ladder... Anyway, we have the tree up (no decorations or lights on it yet though!) but I have put up the 'swag' across the fireplace that Miles loved so much and a couple of Xmas ornaments. Maybe bit by bit is the way to tackle it, I think we coped quite well really.

My other news today is that Miles 'ashes chest' arrived! I already had him at home in a traditional casket, but he wanted to be kept in a larger version of the chest I bought to put our dog in last year. Of course I couldn't get one anywhere, but after weeks of searching managed to track one down in Canada... Anyway, transfered him this morning so he is now sitting on the hearth in his carved 'Tree of life' chest, with the dog at his side just as he wanted. It's so much more 'him' than the stuffy thing we had before...

Hope everyone is getting by, whatever gets us through eh?

Manda xx