My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

    xxxxxxx

Morning All , just a quick one to say i've read the last few posts wih tears in my eyes , the accounts of the carol services we're lovely , i hope you find out about yours today Gayle . Hope yours is fantastic today Sue, i'll look forward to hearing about it later . What a hard month this is turning out to be . Special hugs to Manda and Patricia . Hope your both feeling a little better today .  . I'm a little more settled now Ailsa now i got things sorted a little better at the cemmy , dam all this rain , the grave looks lovely now but the surronding area is still a mess , even after all the stuff i've put down , its a wonder the council dont put a restraining order on me for the havoc i've caused up there , i'm staying off the mud at the moment and hoping it dries out a little .  hope everybody has a good day and we all manage to stay out of the pit . Speak later xxx

Take care

Lynne xxxxxxxxxxx

Sending love and (((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))) to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Morning everyone.  Just wanted to say I will be thinking of you tonight Sue.  All thoses children in the Cathedral - bringing the tears already.  I love to see & hear children singing.  I hope you manage to get to your service tonight Gayle.  Patricia - you have filled your days with so much ((((hugs)))).  The service I went to last night was a 'Light up a Life' service.  They had had 2 in a church during the day but I was working then they had a non-religious one at the hospice in the evening.  I think the only difference was we had Christmas songs and peoms instead of carols and prayers.  It  made a nice change although I still need to get to hear some carols.  Because it was Christmas songs my son was singing which was really funny and lovely.

Lynne, my wellies live in my van now for visiting the cemmy - have you got some?  I'm thinking about you as well this week Fiona ((((hugs)))).  Good morning to you Dot.

Take care everyone - best get ready for work!  Ailsa xx

Hello everyone, I hope that you are alll having a reasonable day.

At the moment I am just listening to my washing machine and praying that the awful noises coming from it do not mean it is about to break down. That would just about complete this rotten week.

Ah well, must stop moaning. It changes nothing and it is only a piece of machinery.

Take care all.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

p.s. My sky lanterns have arrived.  Wahay. So it is all systems go for the launch.  I am going to have to persuade the family to venture onto the park though otherwise the lanterns will get tangled in overhead wires. gggrrrrrr

Hi everyone

Patricai I think I`ve requested you as a friend on facebook if I`ve got the right person!!!

The carol services sound lovely. We`ve got our christmas performance with the children I work with in Friday. The hospice service is on 22nd December which is Liam`s 18th and we`re all going for a meal. It is a shame to miss it but I know Paul would tell us to xxxx

Patricia and Fiona you`re both doing well this week, keep going xxx

Amanda hope you`re feeling better today ((()))))

Hope everyone else has had a good day at work, etc. We`re so busy at work at the moment getting all the christmas goodies made with the children. Still having tears when I hear the pogues xmas song though!!! Not as many now though lol!!

Bug higs to everyone

Helen xxx

Hello everyone,

Just a quick one.  My carol service is on so leaving in 5 minutes to go to it and I feel so ill.  I wish I hadn't agree to go although I am sure I will be fine afterwards.  I don't know how I will feel going back as I haven't been to the hospice since Wully died and even driving through that town makes me feel terrible.  My sister and her boyfriend are coming too so I will have support.  Will let you know how I get on.

Bug higs to all you lovely ladies - thinking of you all.  Still not heard the pogues yet Helen!

Gayle xx

Hi Everyone,

You are all being so brave with your carol concerts and things, I feel like such a wimp but I just can't face any of it yet :(

Like you Gayle, I dread going back to the hospice - I have been offered a place on their bereavement support sessions, but I think I would find it too traumatic to have to go back to the place Miles died for emotional support!

The funeral director's who looked after Miles are holding a memorial Carol Serivce next week, and H and I are going to go along and place Miles dedication ornament on their tree. Maybe then I will be able to face getting on with Xmas planning.

Thanks so much for all your messgaes of support on FB last night lovely ladies, seem to have been stumbling a bit since Saturday but yesterday was really bad. Still not great today, but at least haven't spent as much time crying. Baby steps, minute by minute, day by day...

Off out for a meal later with H and my nephew, and a few of his freinds, for his 21st tonight. He and Miles were really close and he tells me that he still cries everyday too... Think that this might be what has sent me down the edge of the cliff again now I think about it. Hopefully we will be able to prop each other up a bit!

Take care all,

Manda xx

Well done everyone, glad you are able to enjoy your carols and rememberance services, I'm like Manda and haven't got involved in anything like that.  Although Steve didn't go into the hospice and I do raise money and support them I can't make the connection there and don't want to join any gourp things for Christmas.  We have a few cards up but the thought of decorating or putting the tree up leaves me numb at the moment.

Glad we could help last night Manda, was a bit of a laugh wasn't it?  I could imagine us all there camped out on our ledge - stupid of me but I totally fell off the ledge at about 3 a.m and had a proper breakdown alone in the lounge, even the cat and dog gave up on me.  Think I needed it though as although still numb today and very tired there was some release in letting go for a while.

Looking forward to setting off the lanterns from Cornwall on Christmas day, my two sisters are setting some off in Surrey and I might see if the in laws will send one off from West Sussex, if they don't want to or feel it would be too emotional for them then I will ask my friend to as I would like one to leave from home so to speak.  I would love a spaceship view of Britain at 7 p.m, do you think Google Earth would do it for us?

Hugs to you all, heres hoping for a better night xxxxxx

Hi all

Well what was it about last night then ...... Manda, Rosemary - I was the same.  I poured myself a Gin and Tonic at 2.15 this morning (don't worry, very rare occasion for me, just thought it would help me sleep) but was very jittery and couldn't settle -  then I (and I hope I don't get in to too much trouble from everyone) I light a single lantern from the garden because it had eventually stopped raining and wasn't windy and I just wanted to know it would work and I wanted to send a message up, so I just did it and it was lovely and calming and today has been much better. 

Patricia I hope you washing machine got through the cycle and hasn't given up the ghost - not what you would need right now.  Hig bugs for the rest of the week. You are an inspiration and we are all here to shore you up should you need it.

STILL not bought a single card or present yet .... arrgggghh.  Am seriously going to get my butt into gear this weekend. 

The Carol Services all sound very beautiful and very emotional, as you say, children singing carols can fairly pull at the heart strings. 

Helen and Gayle - twice yesterday and once today I have blown you both a kiss re the Pogues!  I guess I must look quite odd driving along blowing kisses!!

Fiona, glad to hear that Charlie is still doing his stuff and making Granny smile - Lesley, won't be long now.  Ailsa, hope that you have heard from Becky and that she is feeling ok. 

Sue - are you fighting fit yet, or has the dreaded lurgy still got you confined to the house.  Just give yourself time to get over it - I think that these horrible bugs can really take it out of you when youa re run down, either physically or emotionally, so don't expect too much from yourself. 

Dot, how is Alan doing?  I think I am going to send you two a list of names and ages and let you decide and shop for my christmas pressies, you seem to be ace at shopping!  He sounds a bit of a star from what I read on other threads. 

Am going to go to johnlewis.com now and look for ideas for pressies - any suggestions gratefully received. Judi xx