My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi Everyone,  Hope everyone is ok tonight. I have had a friend tonight for coffee she brought me some lovely flowers, and a wee box wrapped up and tied with ribbon and labelled with a verse,

This is a very special gift, That you can never see, The reason it's so special is it's just for you from me. Whenever you are lonely, or even feeling blue, You only have to hold this gift and know i think of you. You never can unwrap it  Please leave the ribbon tied. Just hold the box close to your heart it's filled with love inside. 

She has been a good friend to me, she has never missed a Tues night since Derek died except when she was on holiday. Kim got our sky candles today in a shop in Dumfries so i am all ready for xmas night. My mind keeps wondering back to this time last year this was the last night Derek spent in the house. Having Darren Kim and Grierson and of course baby Charlie for tea tomorrow night as it's Darren's birthday  on the 10th although Darren say's his birthday will never feel the same again as Derek went into the hospice on his birthday last year, it's also my dad's birthday the same day. Well i better get off to bed as never slept last night sure i seen every hour last night. Luv and Hugs to you all. Fiona xxxxxxxxx

Helen, good luck with the service on Friday.  It is lovely to hear children singing but also very emotional.

Gayle, I hope you managed to get through the service and feel a little better now.

Manda it is very difficult going through the activities of daily living but you will get there if you persevere. Perhaps it is a little too soon for you to accept the support of the bereavement group but at some point you might find it helpful.  I go to one and it can be very sad but also very helpful but is not for everyone.

Esme, this is the only carol service I shall be attending. I only went because I had sponsored lights in memory of Ray and my mum and wanted to see the trees lit up. I am glad I went even though it was very emotional.  It would be good if we could get google earth pics wouldn't it.

Fiona, I hope you are managing to keep yourself together this week x x x

I hope that everyone has had a reasonable day and that tomorrow is a happy and peaceful one for you all.

Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Sorry Judi and Fiona I never saw your posts. Let's hope tonight is a better night for you both. I too was awake for most of the night. Still awake at 5am and up again at 7.45.

What a lovely friend you have Fiona. The most precious gift is the gift of love.

Judi try pressiebox.com

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Patricia, what can I say but a massive thank you.  I have just ordered over half of the pressies I needed to get from the website you suggested - and was smiling while I did it.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  Night night.  Hope everyone has a better night than last night.

Judi xxxx

Good morning everyone.  Just been having a catch up.  Like you Patricia, I have no other plans to go to any services of any description.  I did the hospice one for the same reason - I had sponsored a light for Chris.  He didn't go to the hospice so I felt a little odd being there but the service was nice.  How did your washer hold up?

Hope the service goes well on Friday Helen & I hope Sue's went well last night!  Manda the funeral directors who looked after Chris are not having a service but they are having a tree and they had sent me some cards to write in that I can take up and they can go on the tree to remember Chris.  I am going to do it on Friday.  It is still very early days for you so you really should be disappointed you can't tackly routine things yet.  Give yourself time.

Gayle I hope you were okay at the hospice last night.  I had to drive past the hospital to get to the hospice last night.  I absolutely dread the time I have to go there for any reason for the first time.  So I just don't think about it as a rule but I couldn't avoid it on Monday.  I hope that given enough time when I do have to go it won't make me feel more ill!

Fiona I am sending you lots of ((((((bug higs)))))) for today and the rest of the week.  Focus on you little grandson and stay close to your family - you will get by together xx  Sorry to hear that Esme & Judi had bad nights again on Monday.  Maybe I should try a tiny tipple - I am back to putting off going to bed - it makes work the next day very difficult.  I was ironing at midnight last night!!  That is why I think a tipple might be a better idea!

I need to come up with a way to let me be able to order on line.  Sounds silly but I can't do it because there is never anyone in my house during the day so I would have to go to collect all the packages.  My work won't let us have them delivered there.  Chris worked a late shift so he was always in in the morning for deliveries and if we missed one he was always happy to go and collect it the next morning before work - just one of the million things that are so much more difficult without him.  This one upsets me because I wouldn't even have given it a thought if he was here.

Well - I had better get off to work.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xx

Glad to be of service Judi. My work here is done lol

Ailsa, what a shame you have noone to take in your parcels.  You can have them delivered to a different address than your own if that is possible. Pity I am not a bit closer, I would have gladly helped you out.

It is my son's birthday today and he is home ill. Poor love. He is blaming his girlfriend for passing it on to him. mmmmm.......... I had to write his card from me but put a little heart with a kiss underneath in place of his dad's name. I don't know if he is aware, but I know and that is what counts.

I hope that everyone has the best day they can.

Love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Morning Ladies,

Well I did the service.  I can't say I enjoyed it as I think in the real world I like to block out my feelings and Wully last days in the hospice were awful.  We all got given a candle which was nice and my sister was there too with her boyfriend.  I think I found it hard seeing everyone crying too - that set me off a couple of times.  I also spoke to the minister who did the service for Wully and that was nice but upsetting and the head consultant came over to talk to me too.  She was lovely.  She was the one that told Wully and I when he had about 6 months left and Wully always said if he was to hear that news it would have to be from her and in there.  She was crying with us so it was nice to see her but again very upsetting.  Just glad its over.  I felt like going and getting very drunk afterwards but of course I didn't.

I had another wee moment this morning.  I have an announcement page online that was linked from the newspaper ad and I got an email saying someone had left a message.  So I logged on and it was Wully's ex.  He was with her 13 years before he met me (although he was still with her when we met).  He mentioned before he died whether he should let her know but I said I wasn't sure as she was quite nasty over the split (and didn't want him hurt if she didn't react how he thought she should), however they did have some happy times and had been together a long time.  It was nice to see the message as I didn't know whether to get in touch and let her know or how I would ever find her as I don't even know where she stays.  The message was lovely saying how upset she was to have heard the news (she must have heard through the grapevine) and she was thinking of me and the boys and Wully's family.  I am glad she left it but it was another of those teary moments.

Fiona, I am thinking of you now and all the difficult moments you have in the days to come, and you too Patricia.  What a lovely gift you got Fiona.  Jamie made me something like that once for Mothers day and I love it.

Thinking of you all of course and hope you are okay and thanks for the nice words.  Hope you all slept better last night.

Gayle xx

Hi all

Sorry ihavent been on for a while.My laptop has packed up so im resorting to my clockwork pc.

I went to arange the woodland burial site for Nic today at it really hit me hard it is a beautiful place.http://www.woodlandburials.com/regs.html, but its the finality of it all that hits home.

Any way i choose asilver birch tree which will grow really high and the plot will take six lots of ashes for the family if they wish.

I hope everyone is well and has a good rest of week

Thanks Dave xx

Evening all  well i want to say how brave you all are for going to these services , i haven't heard from the hospice but dont think i would have gone anyway as Gordon wasn't a patient there , so i dont really associate it with him . I am going to Bethanys nativity play next tues so i'm sure there will be plenty of tears there . Gayle how nice of Wullys ex to leave a message , so glad you got some comfort from it xx

Well the skycandles are really taking off on nface book too now , just one innocent post has meant that a lot of other widows are joining in with our launch , its even gone global as one woman is doing it from Germany . Sue you will be on the news next when all the sky lights up xmas night . Hope every bodyis doing alright , hugs to you all , i'll just go for a catch up to see what i've missed xxxxxxxxx

Hi Ailsa , re parcels , normally when i'm not in to collect my parcels i arrange to have them re delivered to my local post office (which is across the road from where i live) could this not be an option for you .?There is lots of things now that makes me realy miss my husband , like trying to sort the household insurance out , i never made phone calls , he did it all , putting the bin out , just some small things , lots of other things too but where do we start ?Just miss him  .xx

How nice the woodland buriel sounds Dave , i know what you mean about finallity , but its just another thing that has to be done , and you will have a lovely place to visit . Take care xx