My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening

Welcome back Ailsa, so sorry to hear about your daughter and missing the service. Hope she feels better knowing you are seeing her this weekend xxx Not easy is it? Your photos are lovely.

Gayle hope you get sorted soon, like Ailsa said we have got a get together to organise!!

I had a few tears writing Natalie`s card last night, wasn`t happy just writng `Mum` and I had it in my head a message from Paul but was worried about upsetting her more this morning. Got some good advice and I wrote it on before I went to sleep. She was ok this morning, only a few tears. She`s been busy at Rainbows and now gone to Rangers. Grandma and grandad came round with her cake which was very yummy!!! Judi I left her some, lol!!

So, one more day to get out of the way!! Feel ok about it up to now, mass at 12.15 followed by the crematorium. Just going into work for a couple of hours. Wil have a few drinks to toast my friend`s Dad and of course to wish Paul a Happy Birthday. He would have been 43 tomorrow xxx Oh dear, here come the tears!!!

Onwards and upwards!!!

How is everyone else tonight??

Helen xxx

Dear Helen,

just a brief one as I'm on my way out -      huge ((((((((((((((((((((higs)))))))))))))))))))))))) for everything this week ; well done, my lovey, it's really hard, but you're getting there.

sue xxx

Hi.  Been for my physio and to do some shopping.  My back is improving a lot now.  I just need to keep up the exercise and good practice.  When the physio finishes I am going to join a pallates course.

Helen you are so right - it is not easy.  Becky is so sad, mad & lonely all rolled into one.  I am still disappointed at missing the service but hey ho!

I'm glad Natalie's birthday went okay.  I know how you feel about writing the card.  It has been Stu's & Toni's birthday's in the past 6 weeks.  I pondered over what to write and didn't want to cause anymore upset.  Stu told me he was disappointed I hadn't made his card from both me & his Dad so I promised I will from now on.  I decided to ask Toni and she wanted it from us both so that is what I did.  Becky really doesn't know what she wants me to write yet.  She will be 30 in January.  Her birthday is just 10 days after Chris's which is the 6th January.

What you need now is lots of ((((((((((bug higs)))))))))) for tomorrow.  It won't be an easy day but you have done so many good things so far so you can do this as well.  Will Natalie & Liam be going with you?  Take great care of yourselves.

Ailsa xx

Yipppeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am back online!!!

Ailsa, the photos were lovely and you looked fabulous!  Sorry you missed the ceremony - I am sure you are still kicking yourself over but hopefully you will get some time alone with your daughter this weekend to have a talk and hopefully that will help you both.

Helen, will be thinking of you tomorrow.  You have been on some rollercoaster and you will cope tomorrow but it will probably hit you afterwards.  Look after yourself xx

Definitely will start looking at organising our trip now that I can have a look and we can get some dates booked.

Speak to you all tomorrow.

Gayle xx

Dear Helen, I am glad that you all managed to survive today. Bigs hugs for you all now for tomorrow. 

Ailsa, I do hope your daughter is able to find some peace soon. My daughter is also 30 in January and said she wanted to 'cancel' it as her dad is not here to help her to celebrate. It is so hard to see one's children suffering their grief isn't it. It is one hurt that we just can't take away.

Sue I hope you enjoy your night out.

How is everyonbe else?? Hopefully having a reasonable evening.

I had thought I was starting to feel a little better until earlier today when I was talking with my mum in law about last Christmas eve. That was the day when Ray and I were told that his treatment was not working. We had one of the worst possible days. We both spent the day and the evening, crying. Then we had to tell the kids. I thought that was the worst Christmas of our lives until I realised that this one will be even worse. Sorry to let that out but needed to tell someone.

It would seem that the hurt is not getting any less just a little less acute.

Love and angel hugs to you all x x Patricia x x

Hi Ailsa

Glad the physio is helping xxx

Thanks for the higs.xxx No Liam and Nat aren`t going tomorrow. Will be with my closest friends though xxx

Gayle glad you`re back online xxx

Patricia bug higs to you xxx Last Christmas we were still hoping and praying even though Paul was on a liquid diet and still suffering. Too many memories and comparisons. The hurt keeps hitting us but like you say less acute than it was. Don`t apooligise, it helps to share, as we all know ((())))

Love to all

Helen xxx

Evening to you all, It's granny again i know what you mean Helen i have not mentioned Derek much to Kim we had a good cry on Mon morning when we were alone but i don't want to upset her as she has a lot to cope with just now she will have her thoughts. Hope you everyone is ok, and glad you are back Gayle, missed you. I have beenout seeing Charlie tonight again and had a wee nurse and even managed to change him o he is so tiny he is down to 6bls 1oz today but sure he will not be long putting it back on. Managed finally to get his pram today think the woman had forgot to order it so she gave us a better mattress free. So hopefully they will get him out a walk soon, but weather terrible here (whats new in Scotland). I had a friend down for a coffee tonight so passed the night, but think will have an early night and see if i can sleep, speak soon Luv and Hugs to you all. Fiona xxxxxxx   

Nice to see you back online gayle. Sorry i won't be able to join you all for the meetup but that is the weekend of the 1st anniversary and the kids want us to do something to commemorate that date. Sorry.x x

Hi all

Boy is home, well I say he is home, I picked him up from the station at 8.30 - home to make him a chicken and bacon sarnie with salad. A hug (massive one), a glass of wine together, an examination of his tattoo, two bottles of wine liberated and put into a bag and I have dropped him off at a friend's party.  A happy mummy.

Gayle - yabba dabba doo.  You're back.  I have a vague memory hiding behind my brain cell that the last weekend in February was being put forward as the date.  I am not 100% sure yet but that may well be when Boy is having his 21 party.  I will find out for sure this weekend.  If that is the case, as much as I love you ladies I will need to be here so that I can hog all the dances with him.  But I have my fingers crossed that it will not clash.

Granny Fiona - yes tears for you and Kim, but also just the lovliest feeling of hugging a 'tiny new one', knowing full well that Derek is smiling at you.  It is quite incredibly how small everything about them is. 

Ailsa darling.  I know that missing the wedding was very upsetting for you all ..... but ...... and please feel free to tell me to shut up.  A tiny bit of me wonders that had that not happened, although you knew that Becky was very stressed, maybe something like this has brought it to a head for her and she may be able to 'let it out' when you see her this weekend.  Whereas if everything had gone smoothly every one would have just gone back to coping with their lives etc.  This way she may kind of have to let a lot of pent up 'stuff' out'  Just a thought.

Helen hun.  Well done you, no not for eating my bit of Nat's cake ... we will speak about that later .... for being you and for being so marvellous these last couple of days.  You will get through tomorrow, tears yes, but love and friendship too.  You are all SO right about the signing things.  I didn't send anything last Christmas, and I often chicken out by putting something like "love from windy Aberdeen" or something daft and then write a little note on the other side of the card, as I have always been wont to do, and signing my name at the bottom of that. 

Off to finish my glass of wine and smile that I have a few days of a fridge raiding, shower taking, hairdryer borrowing, computer hogging, scarf nicking, wise cracking, hug giving Boy.

Night all.

Judi xxxx

Hi All - Wow so much to catch up on! I apologise in advance for anyone I miss...

Judi, hope you have a lovely time with Boy! Ailsa, sorry to hear you missed the service, hope that your daughter finds some comfort when you see her at the weekend - and that you do too... Helen, so glad that's Nat's birthday went OK. I decided to write Hayley's card from both of us, and she was glad I did. I hope that tomorrow is not too traumatic for you, will be thinking of you x. Gayle, yay!! - about time, you must be really please and Patricia ((((x)))).

Had a very up and down few days with birthdays, in-law issues, and general devastation. spent one day at a fundraiser, one in bed... made it into work today though and had a bit of a better day. I am off to the hospital tomorrow for an update on my own health problems. Wish me luck, the last thing hayley needs is me needing treatment at the moment...

Hope you all have a good nights sleep xx