My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Good evening everyone.  I need to take a last opportunity to come on here and post before I go off for the weekend again.  I really miss you all when I can't come on.  It is just not practical for me to take my lappy with me this time.  I had it with me last weejend but hardly got a chance to go on.  It is staying at home this time.

The wedding is this Saturday Fiona.  I hope you get the pram and the boiler sorted out.  You just don't need that kind of thing right now do you?

It is strange how we all seem to have similar problems at the same time.  I am very worried about my eldest daughter right now.  She lives a long way away from us with just my grandson for company.  She rents a lovely little house and has a really good job.  Declan loves his school but I can tell Becky is getting really down about losing her dad.  We are all struggling but at least we can get to each other or to my house (where we all feel safe) or to the cemetery for a chat to Chris, quite easily.  Becky is getting very snappy and forgetful, which is just not her.  She is really excited about us going down this weekend so perhaps that will help.

I am glad to hear that the anticipation was worse than the reality for your birthday Esme.  Sounds like the kids did you proud.  Well done.

You're right Patricia - it will be lovely to hear from Fiona that Kim's baby is here.  Can't wait!

How is everyone else? - Sue, Judi, Gayle, Manda, Lynne.  I hope everything goes as you want it to on Sunday Helen.  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xxx  (((bug higs)))

Have a fab weekend Ailsa , cant wait for those photos too . Love to all the family . Take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dear Ailsa

Have a fab, fab weekend - can't wait for the photos.

Hope Becky enjoys it - it'll be lovely for her to have you all there.

Love to all

Sue xx

Evening all - now I sound like Dixon of Dock Green (that one is for the older ones among us!! lol)

I have just watched the concert from the Albert Hall on BBC1, I enjoyed most of it.  I wonder if any of you were watching it too.  Cos if you were I bet, like me, that when Gary Barlow said the next song was for anyone who has lost someone dear you instantly had a wet face.  Lovely song.

Fiona I am so glad that you enjoyed your trip to the theatre, after all the added stresses you have had you SO deserve some respite and enjoyment, even if just for a short while.  Give Kim a Hig bug from me, but not to tight ... just in case.

Ailsa, have a wonderful time at the wedding - I want front back and side photos of your outfit.  Becky gets hig bugs too.  It will be hard for her and I think that sometimes the circumstances can make them feel that they are 'not as involved' in the grief and left out.  But a good old squishy hug from her mum will help.

Helen hun - I am sending you some Herculean strength for the next week or so.  But you know what, you are allowed to ignore it and have a few days down time - don't try and do stuff that is too hard.  So horrible that you have so much to deal with at once.  Hig bugs again.  It is a good job that I have an enormous supply of them up here in Aberdeen, they are actually made from a by product of the hair/wool that haggis shed each autumn when they race for the Glens - so I will be able to make more, don't worry. 

Today I have done something very radical - I have updated my cv as I think it is time I went out into the real world again.  I have had a very flexible, part-time easy-osy job this year and I am now finding that the flexibility that was so needed in January is now just making be bone idle.  So I am going to look for a more demanding job.  (but I won't give this one up until I find the perfect one LOL!)

Loved the Ice Show piccies Lynne, was slightly concerned at the idea of an 'Adult One' but I think I have understood now - far too cold for that!!!!

Gayle - hope the broadband is working well, Rosemary - I also missed your birthday, but I tend to forget all the important people in my life's at the moment - so please consider yourself special.  Well done you for coping and accepting all the warmth your family gave you so that they knew they had done good. Patricia - hello my chum, hope you are doing okay.  I made macaroni cheese last night and it was luverly.

Dottee, I hope your stress levels have lowered slightly having got Alan's results.  Sue - I was wondering if I e-mailed you my cv you could put some suitable piccies in it for me!  Will be with you in thought this Sunday hun.

Off to make a coffee .......... Oh wait a minute ...... I opened a bottle of wine on Tuesday, there's over half of it left in the fridge. 

Judi xxx

  how about this one, Judi?

or this one?

if that doesn't get you noticed, then I don't know what will!

Sue, Sue, Sue .... you have excelled yourself.

As we say up here - "Oh yes ya beautie" ..... that'll do nicely. I shall cut and paste and wait for the job offers to come flooding in!!

Judi xx

This is for everyone who is in need of a little hug.

Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Hi Ladies , well my chin was so far on the floor last night i nearlly tripped up over it , i got fed up with hearing mysaelf complain about the halifax but they excelled their selfs last night . All the money for the insurance has now come through and all i wanted was to get the morgage paid up , i phoned the halifax told them what i was doing and from then on the day went down hill . I'd been given a redemtion figure the week before but when "robert " gave me a figure he'd put a early repayment charge on , i explained thet i'd been told this charge would be waived in "these circumstances " , he said he would check with his supervisor , the line went dead fpor a couple of seconds and then it became "live 2 again , i could hear him explaining to his supervisor what i wanted , the conversation went like this S/V " so what does she want  to do " R - " pay her morgage up " ... S/V "why" ... R   " said her husband has died "    .. S/V " have you seen a death certificate " .. R "no " S/V have you seen a probate " ... R "no  i dont think HE was on the mortage "    S/V  well she'll have to pay early repayment charge then , who's on the phone " ... R " she says she' Lynne  N " .. S/V well ask her when he died and for death cert and she what she says " .. Robert then came back on the line and i said " before you say anything else i've heard all that conversation , my hiusband died the 1st july , you have got a death cert , you have seen the probate and of course he was on the motgage untill you took his name off in july "   Well he was very flustered and said i might have sent a death cert in but it hadn't been put on file , " is that my fault " I said they had the death cert weeks ago other wise how would they pay out on the life insurance , he wouldn't budge and said i'd got to take a copy into a branch for them to foward to them before i could do anyhting else . I then got into the car and drove into town and just caught the bank before they shut , i explained what they'd got to do but i was in tears by this time , the girl was disgusted that i'd had to bring it in and sugested i make a complaint as they must have seen a death cert . Anyway after work today i decided to phone them again , i just wanted it all sorted beffore i go away , i dont like all that money in my account . I spoke to a lovely girl called Leanne and i explained what had happened yesterday , she said "just a moment i'll just phone the berevement service " she did this and came on the line and said "right thats fine they have a cet on file so i'll sort that out for you today " , if only i had spoken to her yesterday . After the morgage was sorted she then insisted on putting me through to the customer care team , where i spoke to a very nice man , he was livid at the conversation i'd heard , not that i'd heard it but because the conversation had even happened , he said they shouldn't have been talking about someone who had been beraved like that and he should have done more to help . Anyway he's going to try and find the conversation on tape and get back to me , he said they would be looking into compersation for what has happened , i said i wasn't bothered about that i didn't want any one else to go through what i'd been through these last few months . Well thats my rant over . phew feel better now , at least its all sorted before i go away . I will now catch up on all your posts .

Big higs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Evening Lynne, glad you`re money is through but what k***s!!!! Hope they get told!!! Glad you let your rant out, always feels better xxx

Well I feel worryingly calm about my week ahead, no panics like before previous occassions, no tears or black moods??? I wonder if it is because Nat has been so upset I`ve got into auto drive. Oh well, I`ll just have to wait and see!!!

Had another `meeting` about Paul`s charity night last night in the pub!! The girl whi has organised it is so funny with her organisation. She even had an `agenda ` last night that we had to stick to!! It is set for 7th May 2010 but in the meantime we are doing a charity float on 23rd December, one friend is very excited getting dressed up as Father Christmas. I rang Paul`s specialist nurse on Wednesday to find out if there was any group/research that we could give our donation to and she is getting back to me on Monday. There is a lot of research going on locally into Head and Neck cancer so she said they would be very grateful. I am pleased about that and hopefully Paul would have approved if some money raised in his memory can go to help others who are experiencing the same as he did. I was quite touched that she remembered Paul, I just told her my name and explained he was under the specialist, and she said Oh Yes...Paul. He was a character and even through treatment during the 5 years he was under them they saw the humour, sarcasm and dryness of his personality...all in good humour xxx

I`m off out again tonight!!! Just a girly night with one of my best friends, a few drinks and hopefully a boogie somewhere. Natalie is having friends round here for her birthday celebration (Tuesday isn`t the best night so they`re doing it tonight)

Ailsa hope you have a lovely weekend at your wedding. Lynne when do you go away?

I now can`t remember what everyone else is up to so I`ll just sned Bug higs (((())))

I have told Dave to get over here and chat too, he posts on the other thread that some of us go on but have told him he is most welcome here too.

Hope everyone else has a happy Friday night

Helen xxx

Hi Helen , i go away on monday morn /sun night . I cant wait now hat things have been sorted out , What great friends you've got , the charity day sounds brill , your friend sounds like Monica from friends lol . Hope Nat has a good night too and i will be thinking about you on sunday and wed , what a tough few day you've got , so your doing the right thing tonight , go and give it your all lol . I often read your posts on the other thread but dont want to cofuse things by posting on both (i'm easliy confused ) so yes Dave come and join us .

Lynne xxxxxxxx