My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Morning all , just a quick one before i get ready for work , Judi i'd love tohear your story too , you cant thread hog , just remember all these posts keep most of us going , it certaily does me , cant wait to hear it . Ailsa and Patricia yes its only me that would get a wet bum , my car boot is full of things for the grave , shovel , cleaning cloths , bin bags leaf rake , so i'll now had to it wet suit and water proof pinic blanket , any more sugestions lol Dont be scared of going to a private reading Ailsa , i went not expecting anything (as his sister had had such a good reading a couple of weeks ago ) i didn,t think it could happen twice . She said i wasn't sleeping well and i fight with the pillows , she was right about that , but i had my best nights sleep for ages last night . Bu t i dont want to get addicted and keep going but i will go in a few months again .

Well i was dreading tonight as across the road from me is a big park and they have bonfire /sideshows /disco for the kids and a big firework display at 7.30 , well i've not gone over for years now (to cold and busy) we always made a cup of coffee and at 7.30 stand outside and watch the fireworks , all the neighbours will do the same thing , but i thought , how can i stand on my own , any way son number 1 (with Beth and Aiden )phoned me yesterday and asked what time i would get in from work , isaid 6 to 6 30 , he said they would be here with my tea ready ah bless , so they will either walk over to the bonfire with the kids or stand at the wall with me , either way it wont seem as bad now . Hope everybody else has a good day /night . Did i say quick post ? lol sorry i've not mentioned everybody , my brain doesn't work good in a morning .

Take care

Lynne xxxxx

Ailsa, I think that you and everyone else on here are very caring and very supportive. You should tell us how you are feeling because just writing it down can sometimes be helpful.

Judi, I never want anyone to shut up. You all make very valuable contributions and there is always soemone who will idenbtify with what someone else has said. So come on... spill the beans.

Lynne, whatever it takes to keep you from becoming unwell whilst visiting the cemetery is ok with me lol. I hope that you manage to get throught onight without too much trauma.

I am working tonight. I hate going out on bonfire night as I am terrified of all the bangs. (I think I truly must have been a cat or dog in a former life).

Take care all and I hope you enjoy the evening

Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

I love the box that says "Quick reply", can't see how that can ever happen.  Regarding long posts, I love reading all your tales about your day to day things, I enjoy laughing at the wet bums and thinking of you all and sending you hugs as you visit your cemeteries so please all of you keep going.  Trouble is though I always start on the last page and work back and then run out of time to post usually or (as I keep saying) forget what I wanted to reply as I also keep forgetting to get pen and paper.  Sorry guys!  Before I do forget though Lynne bless number one son how lovely of him, enjoy your bonfire and your tea, will be thinking of you.

Books - my favouritest favouritest are Jean M. Auel Earths Children saga (Starting with Clan of the Cave Bear) and Diana Gabaldons Outlander series (starting with Crosstitch) everyone I have recommended them to get addicted and there are 5 or 6 in each series so plenty to get stuck into.  Actually I lie there were two people that "couldn't get into them", my sister being one.  I have read them all at least 5 times each as they are friends to go back to.  Terry Pratchett is another favourite and always make me laugh, even though they are totally wierd, and that is where my online name comes from "Esmerelda Weatherwax, or Granny Weatherwax or Esme" - real name for those that I haven't introduced myself to is Rosemary (waves to you all)

Judi, yes please to the film story. Also I have been thinkiing about seeing a medium, although like most of you I worry that there won;t be anything for me or that it won;t make sense, but I think Imight book up with  a local lady soon, Colin Fry recommended her.  I've seen him live and he was lovely (before Steve went). 

Darn it just seen the time got to go to the yard and put the horses to bed - anyone want a job>?

Speal later xxxxxxx

Hi guys

Well now I have got you all waiting for an amazing tale and it will be a disappointment! Ah well here goes.  About twenty years ago I was working in Next when I received a letter, to work, out of blue from a student from London who had worked with me that summer. It was a lovely letter saying that she had been to see a film, Truly, Madly, Deeply and had felt compelled to write because she actually thought that the actress was me!!! (it was Juliet Stevenson) how she looked like me, sounded like me, mannerisms etc. She said it was quite bizarre.  Anyway Ed and I got the video and loved the film (Alan Rickman) and we just laughed and Ed said he could see a vague resemblance but that was all.  Never thought any more about it, but I still have the letter.

About three months after Ed died I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night thinking about the film (for no reason).  I wanted to see it so that day I went to HMV and although their computer said they had a copy, they couldn’t find it. Tried a couple of other shops, no luck. Went online that night and ordered a copy from Amazon, got an e-mail two days later saying that they didn’t actually have a copy.  From then on it became ‘a misson’ to get a copy – it seemed impossible and by the end of the week all the websites were suddenly saying it was deleted from the catalogue and no longer available.  Even 2^nd hand copies on Ebay were suddenly 70 or 80 pounds.  The next day I got a leaflet through the door about DV rentals and tried them, they had ONE copy which if I joined I could rent.  I rented it last February and still have it!

Why I find it quite weird is it is about a woman whose partner dies and how she just doesn’t cope at all, to the outside world she is, but inside she is falling to pieces.  Her partner, Alan Rickman, comes back to her and lives in the house with her, eventually inviting all his ‘friends’ from the other side to watch her tv, put the heating on etc and generally making pests of themselves.  At the end of the film you realise that he only came back to try and get her to accept that she still has a life and needs to go on living and to do this he needed to remind her that he wasn’t just the perfect angel she remembered.

So there you go, my little story for you - not so exciting I know, but precious to me.  Judi xxx

Evening girls - sending love and (((((((hugs))))))) to you all 

Dot xxxxxxxxxx

What a lovely story Judi, strange things happen to us all now and we know where the messages come from don't we?  I haven't seen the film, should I go on a mission and track it down or is it all round to your with pizza for a film evening?  Big big hug for you, keep that DVD safe.

Hi Dottee!  Are you ok? xxxx

Hi Esme - we're fine - nicely relaxed after a massage.  To be recommended for no reason other than the 'feel-good' factor .... It's done wonders for my back!!!!!  Alan has his neck and shoulders massaged - and he looks so much better afterwards (he suffers a lot of pain and stiffness in his neck)..........Do you wear the big hobnail boots like Grannie W?????  I'm not a fan of the books but have enjoyed some of the films that have been made - especially 'Wyrd Sisters'!!!!!!  Loveand ((((hugs))))) Dot xxxx

Evening all well the big bonfire and fire works over the road are finished but i can still here lots of bangs , i hate that , dont mind "proper fireworks ". Anyway it was lovely to come home to someone and have my tea ready , thank goodness they did , i was getting a bit emotional as the fireworks started remembering this time last year , oh well i've got through another first .

Ths story was lovely Judi and obviously i want to see the film now , the story was worth waiting for , thank you xx Hope everybody else is haveing a good evening ,

Take care

Lynne xxxxxxxxxxx

Evening all, still the occassional firework going off here, but you can hardly hear them over my tv it is so loud.  Have to do that because the dogs start shaking and squealing as soon as they hear the first one.

Dotte, your massage sounds lovely, although as usual I was speed reading and thought the comment about hobnail boots was regarding the massage!!! That will teach me to pay attention.  Lynne, how lovely to have your tea made for you, and as you said, things like that can be just enough to keep you going, hope that the rest of your eveing is ok. Hugs xxxx

Rosemary, I just like a Margerita with extra cheese if that is ok.  I will provide the wine and pop corn!!  I am sure between us we could come up with some super films to watch, happy, sad, comedy, thrillers - the only ones I am not very good at are the 'peep over the top of your cushion' scary.

Had a lovely phone call earlier, friends of mine and Ed's are just about to open a new small hotel next week and have decided it would be a good idea to have a 'dry run'.  So tomorrow about twenty of their friends are going to take our PJs and stay the night to try out everything and tell them if there are any snags! The restaurant is not opening yet so he is providing us with a Chinese and opening the bar to us! 

Love to all, Judi xxx

Evening xxx

Lynne your family are fab aren`t they xxx What would we do without them?? Paul was in hospital this time last year and they had fireworks in the hospital grounds. I also saw lots on the drive home. Haven`t been to see any tonight. Heard plenty though!!

Judi I think I have seen that film but need to see it again, can`t remember it all. Lovely story xx

I`ve been to the gym tonight, had an appointment at 8.30 to add to my new training programme, really didn`t feel like going that late and when I got there he made me do part of my training and wouldn`t even add much as I haven`t been this week!! Will have to try harder next week!!

Oh well, it`s Friday tomorrow. So tired!! Can have a lie in on Saturday

Helen xxx