My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hello everyone else , you just beet me to it Sue with answeing Phill , you always put things so well , i hope your having a good week with your family xx

Judi honey i'm thinking about you for tommorow   please look after yourself xx

Esme i hope you and your daughter are feeling better today , it made me so angry to think about your daughters friends , how insensitive of them . I hope they read your status on F/B , they should know about the hurt they've caused x

Patricia i know you said you we're bad with directions but that made me chuckle , are you sure you should be out on your own lol xx

Gayle  i hope you manage to stay stress free for the move and the date you said should be ok with me and any hotel will be fine xx

Helen i'm glad you got your list finished , i think i'm still just starting mine . After i  put in my complaint about the insurance they had 5 days to get back to me , guess what they haven't , how do i complain about the complaints department ? they are crap xx

Ailsa its good that your busy , we know you come ant post when you can , any news on the bench yet ? xx

Hi to everybody els , Fiona and Dotteee , have i missed anyone ?

Lynne xxxx

Hi to all my wonderful supportive friends.  I have been reading and keeping up.  So glad I didn't post this morning, cos when I read all of your kind, thoughtful, warm messages I was in pieces.  Thank you Dottee, Esme, Ailsa, Fiona, Helen, Lynne, Patricia, Gayle, Sue and all. Today started very shakily, but has improved as it went on. 

At 11.45 last night Boy (it is probably time for me to explain that Ed and I always called our son 'Boy') phoned on his way home from work saying "just though I'd call as it is getting near midnight and I wanted you to know I am here".  You couldn't ask for more, could you.

Morning was bad, but went to the cemetery at about 2 and sat for a couple of hours, the sun came out and I relived that time last year.  But managed to appreciate the fact that I had been able to be there with Ed.  On the way home I had a lovely memory and it made me smile.  So I then deliberately let the sad ones in and for every one of them came up with a wonderful memory - and it sort of worked. 

Home about 4.30 and I got a text from Boy - on his way to work just checking in and saying he would phone when he got a break and I was able to text back saying that

"for every sad thought I am coming up with a happy one, and I am up to the one where Ed and you were dancing on the restaurant table at Ed's 50th birthday party, and quite how spectacular the dismount was". 

I immediately got one back saying "Ha ha - that was class and style, was that the time Ed nicked that big ceremonial copy of the World Cup mum?"

"Certainly was - but just you remember he took it back the next day! You've made me laugh now " I replied.

"Makes two of us" - came back.   

So I am here - feeling able to cope - still very sad but realising that for every sad memory I must have at least a hundred amazing and funny ones. 

I plan to rejoin the world in a day or so and will be less self-absorbed.  Til then, thank you, thank you, thank you.  Phil - keep posting here, because very soon you will understand how these marvellous ladies can help. 

Love Judi xxxx

Just for you Judi xxxx

Hi everyone xx

Phil, Sue has said it all perfectly as always. Can`t add much more but please join us, it really does help xx

Lynne sorry you`re having so much trouble with them, an e mail to head office perhaps?

Judi you are doing so well, your son must be relieved you sound so upbeat too. Tears and smiles sound just right xx Well done xxx You`re not being self absorbed at all, we all have different days and can`t imagine what the 1st anniversary will be like for me. My next hurdle is Paul`s birthday next month, just after we finally bury his ashes.

Gayle The Marriot sounds good to me, think that date is ok too. After being away for a night this weekend I`ve got the bug!!

Hugs to everyone

Helen xxx

judi,

big hugs for you today

sue x

Sending you love and strength Phil, the others have said all the things I could say, but I wanted to add my support to you.  You can do it on Thursday, it's one of the hardest parts of this journey but you will get there supported by all the people that love you and your wife.  It takes time for your heart and mind to take in all that has happened, you are still in shock at the moment, but the healing will start in time, just go with your feelings at the moment.

Evening everyone, thank you for your support over last night, I was just so upset for my Samantha and she phoned again in tears today - luckily her brother spoke to her too so she got support from us both.  I just can't believe this other girl is being so mean to her and also saying it's all her other friends at home too, but she will be back this time tomorrow so we can sort it and talk it through then, a few home truths need pointing out to these young ladies I feel. The last three years have been so hard for her (if I haven't said before she had a car accident January 07 and was in hospital for three months, learning to walk, talk and eat and everything all over again, but damn it she did it and now she is still trying to cope with on going recovery of a severe brain injury, as well as losing her dad), but her friends don't seem to think at all.  I think it is sadly all part of the text/Facebook/email world we live in, for some of us it is a life saver but for a lot of youngsters it means they lose the feeling out of interaction (badly put there but big words fail me).

Today found me crying over bottles of hair restorer and shaving foam and smiling at memories brought back by a song | heard on the radio, good times and bad times but the good times will win out, they have to dont they?

Well done Judi on getting through today and finding a laugh with Boy, that is surely how Ed would wish it to be for you now.  Big hugs to you and still thinking of you tomorrow too.

Darn it I've forgotten what else I wanted to say and can't look back - just confined to the little white box - thinking of you all and sending love.  xxxxx

Phil, welcome to the thread. Som sorry to hear that your beautiful wife has gone. It will be a very strange and sureall time for you at the moment.  I wish you all the strength and support you could need for Thursday. It is not easy to deal with your current situation but it is one which you will learn to get along with. As the others have said, you will cry and there is nothing wrong with that. Keep posting here and you can cry and say how you are feeling without fear of upsetting people you know.  You will eventually be able to laugh too.

Judi, I am glad that you are able to find some laughter in amonst the tears.

Yes Lynne, you are accident prone and I lose my way but find different routes to get wherever I am going. What a pair. lol

Hope everyone is well this evening.

Love and angel hugs x xPatricia x x

Esme hope your daughter manages to cope ok after her so called friends being so mean to her.x x xx

just for you Patricia xxx

and me