My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Gayle. rant away!!!!!!!!

He`s lucky you didn`t give him 2 black eyes!!!!!! Cheeky *******!!!!!!!!! You have done so well getting back into such a demanding job, don`t let this idiot knock you back xxxx

Hope you`re feeling better tonight when you get homexxx

Ailsa Liam did well driving new car but he`s not impressed as it`s slower than the old one (smaller engine!) Not a bad thing though!!!

Hope everyone else has had a good day, can`t remember who wrote what now - sorry!!!

Debs good luck tomorrow, like you say our other halves would have pushing us back, I know Paul would, he did when he was here and I wanted to be at home with him.He wanted me to carry on as normal.

Helen xxx

Well Gayle the posse is sure out to get your boss , i do hope your feeling better now ..

I've got my car back , i didn't expect to het it till later on in the week so i'm suprised , it was 175 pound , i thought it would have been more , still a lot but he said i was lucky i took it in when i did or the cam belt would have snapped then i'd be in big trouble , at least thats done now , my bench is fab , a couple of photos on F/b later .. I managed to do a little bit by phone and e amil to sort the head stone out but still quite a bit of paper work which they are sending through the post , just got to think of some words now ,... Hope everybody else is ok , Anybody else sighning up for the 5 mile walk round lady bower in Derbyshire ?

Lynne xxxxxxxxxx

Thanks ladies - you all made me feel so much better.  I hate Mondays !!!

I have calmed down a bit now.  To be honest my bosses have always been brilliant and over the past couple of years have been very flexible with my working hours etc to fit in around Wully so that is probably why it is so distressing.  I don't think he meant it as it was.  I think he was just been a typical immature man and not really thinking about he was saying.  He is not know for being tactful!  He has been so apologetic and think he probably feels worse than I do - but good he deserves it.  I am still not speaking to him and it will take a while before I forgive him.  It is just a small office I work in with just 7 of us and my two bosses own the business so no HR or anything like that which mostly is a good thing as to be honest I do generally get preferential treatment and can basically do as I like and come and go as I like hence the reason I like working there.  I officially work 2 days in the office and 2 at home but some weeks it is more and some a lot less (depending on what I have on).

I then came home to a letter from BT thanking them for telling me that Mr & Mrs have died and my final phone bill before they disconnect me!  I also got a letter from the council wanting to check that I am not living with someone new now!!!!  They are about to get a stinky letter back about how insensitive they are! 

Thank **** its Tuesday tomorrow lol!!!!  What a day.

Glad the car wasn't too much Lynne and sounds like the garage you went to are good.  I have a garage like that, that I trust and it makes a world of difference.  They are clients so that helps.  Glad you got the bench sorted.

Debs - will be thinking of you tomorrow and hope it all goes well.  It will be good in the long run to get out the house and keep you occupied but I won't deny it is hard at first.

Hope everyone had a better day than me!!

Gayle xxx

Oh Gayle, what an insensitive pig!  Can't really add anything more than the others have said but sending you a huge hug and a large glass of wine, tomorow is another day (yes one more to get through but hey girls, we will!). 

Sorry I haven't been posting much lately, I have been reading but can't keep up with you all and then I can't remember what I wanted to say to you all - I sort of reply in my head as I'm reading but then it's gone by the time I turn the page and start a reply.  But great news on cars, garages and benches, wel done all. Patricia how was the weekend?  A nice christening I think, glad you had something to focus on. 

I have been busy again today, there's always something to be done, sweeping leaves (I love autumn but we have a lot of trees surrounding us and the leaves are on going for months!) and wouldn't you know I have a swimming pool to clean out!  Sounds posh but really not, it was here when we bought the house and is about 30 years old, unheated and uncovered, but lovely when it's hot and we can just cool off - but Steve used to do all the hard work on the maintenance side and it's yet another thing I feel I never appreciated enough.  Tomorrow it's deal with the pest control man for the cluster flies in the loft, he is a lovely guy and knew Steve and I had to tell him on the phone that he is gone (we saw him last when Steve was ill and he wished him well etc) so that wasn't easy but at least that bits over before he comes tomorrow.  Also got morning and evening doing the horses, a bit smelly but gets me out in the fresh air and makes me get out of bed every day, sometimes they are a godsend others I just wish I could stay at home and hide in bed.  Ah well we've all been there and don;'t get the choice to hed anyway so it's on with the show.

Daniel is loving having his own place, we do see him a bit and he phones every day but I do miss him.  Samantha and I sort of rattle around in the house now, I hate having dinner at the table now with two places empty.  Samantha is going on holiday in three weeks so it will be even more wierd, I will probably be on here all night taking to you all - I will keep a notebook beside me so I can keep up with things and reply to you all properly!

Got to get the car serviced too, Daniel says we should go to the VW garage as it is better on the service record to use the dealer, but they are SO expensive!  It was lovely of the garage who helped... bother who was it?, What a nice man, there are some good people in the world.

Right I'm off again, I will keep reading and thinking of you all, take care and hope your Tuesdays are better than Mondays xxxxx

Evening girls - hope you're all doing OK....forgive me if I don't comment on all your messages - my brain cell has retired - even if I haven't!!!!!!!  I'm not sure the font turns green - but I click on the drop-down box to change to a bigger font (I use Heading 3) - I find it easier to read.............typing is in black but changes when I click on 'post'!!!!!   Lynne I'm so glad you've signed up to do the walk.......I'm making a sign to wear 'Hi I'm Dottee'....they'll probably take it literally........dottee by name dotty by nature!!!!!  Someone (sorry can't remember who) asked about the walk...........it's a 5 mile 'ramble' round Ladybower/Derwent/Howden Reservoirs on the 25th October - to raise funds for Mac......Alan asked me to sign him up for it too.  But we'll be taking his wheelchair in case his legs don't work properly on the day - but he's determined to give it a good go!!!!  He's stubborn as a mule and refuses to admit defeat............which is good I know but he does tend to overdo things - and suffers for it afterwards.  I'm just hoping the weather stays good...don't mind cold but not pouring rain!!!!  I've set up a just giving site............

www.justgiving.com/dottangen-dottee   

errrmmmm - no pressure..............For those of you who live close by - it would be lovely to meet you there............just to cheer us on!!!!!  Love and ((((((hugs)))))))  Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone,

Well i have had a lot of post to catch up on, been up and down for me the last week well my son all booked up for Aus in Jan so i will just have to get on with it, and i am pleased in a way that he is doing something he wants to do as he misses his dad so much and it's been a hard time for him as he also split up from his girlfriend of 6 yrs last year as well (it was her that finished it.)  Just have to hope the baby will take my time up next year. Gayle thinking of you i would have been very angry at what  your  boss said but as you say we need our jobs, i am very lucky that way my boss has been so good to me since Derek died. I was out for supper with a friend on Sat night  and felt weird being out in the town without Derek thats the first time  for me. Sun i went and seen to my dad as my sister was away then i went to Kim's for my dinner so that passed another weekend for me. I just dread the dark nights coming in. Well better get off to bed and see how i sleep tonight.

Take Care

Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxx 

dear gayle

   just for you - tomorrow can't possibly be as bad as today!

sue x

Thanks ladies and thanks for the hug Sue.  Where would I be without all your help everyone? 

I hope your days all go well and I am thinking of you all.

Good luck with the walk Dottee - will check out your link tomorrow.  My big sister is running her first marathon on Sunday in Inverness so me and the boys will be going to cheer her on (even though it is a 6hr round trip!).  She is doing it to raise money for the hospice Wully died in and doing it in his honour so I am sure there will be a few tears on the day.  I am so proud of her as she has been training so hard and is even threatening to burn her running shoes afterwards lol!

Take care.

Gayle xx

Forgot to ask Esme - what kind of horses do you have?  I had 3 then sold one when Wully was first ill then sold another when he was ill again lol and then sold my last one at Christmas.  I was really devastated at doing it as I had, had him since he was a foal and he was 12.  He was a gorgeous chestnut Anglo Arab but the girl that bought him is doing so well on him and I just didn't have the time so he was going to waste.  My friend told me at Wully's funeral that he had just qualified for the Scottish Dressage team which was fantastic news.  Very proud of him.

Gayle xx

Hello everyone - sorry I am very late again.  I took my son & his girlfriend out for a meal.  It is Stu's birthday on Thursday but he will be working so we went tonight.  We had a very nice mexican meal.

Have you sorted your apinted shelves out yet Judi - or decided what to do with them?

I am sorry to hear about your auntie Lynne.  For your sake I hope your are able to avoid the funeral.  Still don't think I would like to have to go to one yet.  I am glad the bench looks good.  I was thinking today that I would like to put a bench in the cemetery where Chris is.  It looks like there is space very close to where he is.  I will make enquiries tomorrow I think.  I could dedicate it to Chris, his dad & his brother as they are all buried together.

Good luck going back to work tomorrow Debs.  It will be a tough day but it will get a little easier after the first week or so.  Just watch out for the tiredness.

Gayle I am so glad your boss appears to be repentant after his totally unacceptable email.  I don't know how you managed to stay for the rest of the day.  You might have decided he feels really bad but don't let him off the hook.  He has to realise that no amount of being understanding about your situation before today gives him the right to do what he has done today.  I am glad for your sake though that you have calmed down a bit as you really don't need any more stress right now.  Take care and rant away whenever you need to - as we all should!

Helen I am glad Liam was okay in the car.  I was glad when my sons company car went back recently as it was fairly powerful.  He drives Chris's van now so that can't go nearly as fast so I can stop fretting.

You are so right about home feeling safe Patricia.  I have tried a few things recently taking me a way from home but I get stressed.  I need to keep trying but I also need to know my limits.  I am still having problems with my breathing and that only started when I was away for the weekend.

Esme - I make notes as I am reading everyone's posts so that I can try to keep up!  If I didn't I would have no idea who said what as my memory did a runner with the braincells!

Dot & Lynne - I had already done a search to see if I could find the walk you were mentioning.  I found the Ladybower mac ramble and thought it might be that.  I was going to see if I could register as well but now you have said it is on the 25th October I will have to forget taking part myself as I have tickets to go to a concert that day with a friend.  I will go to your justgiving page and support you instead to spur you and Alan on.

You always find really appropriate pictures Sue - I think I look too fast.

Wish your sister good luck with the marathon on Sunday Gayle.

Well I have gone on for long enough so I had better get off to bed.  Take care everyone.  Goodnight.  Ailsa xx