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Bereaved spouses and partners - Discussion Forum My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

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My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember over 16 years ago

7970 replies
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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

FormerMember over 15 years ago

You were 16 seconds quicker than me..... wow!!! kaz

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Thanks ladies , i didn't say anything last night i just let her have her say , i feel she's going through the anger stage and she has to lash out at someone , i wont retalate Gordon wouldn't have wanted it . the kids are all close and i've told them they have to forget it too .
I knew you ladies would help ..
Lynne xxxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

what's that saying about great minds thinking alike, kaz? I like the chocolate bit, though...........

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......................x

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Evening girls

Lynne - just wanted to send you a special (((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))) to comfort you xxx

And so you don't feel left out (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) for everyone else too............there's too many for this aged brain cell to remember now!!!!

Love and more (((((((((hugs))))))))))

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Thanks Dottee xxxxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

You're welcome - hope the (((hugs))) help.............xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

It does xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi there everyone. Welcome to the site Beagreat - for all the wrong reasons I know but welcome all the same. I think you will find this site really good because the friends you will make on here really do know how you feel. I am glad to read that you have friends around. Do you have family as well? I hope we hear from you again very soon.
I hope your next shift is a bit better than the last one Patricia - sounds like you had a tough one. Take care of yourself.
Hello again Claire. That is lovely news about your sister getting married. I should take a leaf out of your book and go on a bit of a diet. My sister is getting married in November. I am not being a bridesmaid but it would still do my confidence some good if I trimmed down a bit. I will give it a go.
Sounds like you are still doing okay looking after your Dad Fiona. It will be nice for you when your sister comes home though as it sounds like she is very good to have around.
How is the studying going Kaz?
How is work this week now you are a bit more into it Sue? I had a better day today. I wasn't so tired and I felt a bit more into it. The day didn't drag like yesterday did.
I saw a physiotherapist about my back this evening. He is sure it is all posture related and more importantly he reassured me that I should notice an improvement after 6 to 8 sessions and he may also use some acupunture. The big muscles in my back are spasming but that is only to be expected from the pain. The problem stems from my inactivity while Chris was so ill and also from lifting him on my own during the last 10 days. The most important thing is it can be fixed.
What a shame about the crossed words with your step-daughter Lynne. I think you are right to let it lie though. It would be such a shame to fall out properly over something like that. It is good that she answered your text afterwards.

My son starts his new job tomorrow with the police so I hope he settles in and enjoys that. He was looking for another job before Chris died so I am glad to see him start it.

Well - I need to get a shower before bed so take care everyone and sleep well. Ailsa xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Evening everyone

Hi Beagreat, sorry to hear of your loss. Like already said welcome to the best therapy you can get!!

Lynne sorry to hear about your step daughter. You`ve done the right thing, sure she is just hurting too xx

I`ve just sat down for the first time tonight, good day at work then went to the gym. Taxied daughter around then had in laws round. They are so lovely, they must be hurting so much themselves losing their only son but always looking out for me. They have told me not to be alone on Saturday (our wedding anniversary) and I can go their for tea if I like. I could feel the tears coming but held them in until they went.

Everyone seems to have been busy especially poor Patricia, think we all work more than we`re paid for a lot of the times!! Too soft???

Sleep well

Helen xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Lynne sorry to hear about your step daughter having a go at you, that is something you really don't need. But as everyone says it is probably a combination of her mum talking and her venting her anger at an easy target. I don't have anything to do with Liams children who are 21 and 18, they both sided with their mum after the divorce and hardly gave him the time of day. His son hadn't visited in the last 2 years and his daughter saw him twice. It used to make me really angry at the way they treated him only contacting when they wanted something despite knowing how ill he was. After he died his daughter became the grieving daughter even had the cheek to say how she missed him. I tried to include her in the funeral arrangements but she didn't contact me till the day before then asked if she could have a song for him. She now keeps asking for his things, which i gave her a few items but she is still pestering for more. I know her dad didn't want her to have anything so it is really getting on my nerves.
had a real weepy moment this evening thought I would go and sit outside and make the most of the sunny evening but it brought all the memories of when I used to do the same with Liam. Still feeling upset by it now and can't seem to shake off this mood so off to bed and I hope I wake up a little happier tomorrow.
Debs x

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