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My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember over 16 years ago

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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Girls & Kev,

Hope the day goes okay for you Lynne and Helen, you are both being very brave and your hubbies would be very proud!

I had Jamie's party today and it was fine. Was dreading "Happy Birthday" but it was nice and noisy with lots of carry-on from a room of 4-5 year olds so it was fine. He had a great day and loved his party with all his friends. Only a few mums stayed (the rest left their kids and came back) and they were my close friends so no awkward conversations so it was good. Just about to bath the boys, put them to bed and then sit and watch the X-factor. Wully and I always watched it together (even though he moaned about it and said he was going to stop watching it lol) so still feeling blue. I feel like that boy in Snoopy who walked about in a big cloud all the time :-)

Take care

Gayle xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

well done, gayle -what a week you've had! so glad the party went well - little children are great levellers, aren't they! they take no account of any deeper issues just as long as they get the dish of jelly that they set their heart on!
have a restful evening - you have certainly earned it!
sue x

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hello everyone. Just doing a catch-up on the posts. Aren't we all very busy??
I hope this afternoon went well Lynne. Did the sun stay out for the BBQ?
I'm so glad the birthday party went well Gayle. Can you relax a little now?
What about your afternoon with the bride & groom Helen? Hope you and your daughter enjoyed yourselves.
I have been having a mostly stay at home day today apart from a trip out to chat with Chris at teatime. I just watered his plants and trimmed the grass and then came home. I have been very industrious today. I have done a fair bit of housework and I painted one bathroom ceiling. Tomorrow I will paint the other one. I found it harder to get started than I thought. I haven't decorated since about 2 months before Chris was diagnosed so I think it seemed very poignont that I was going to do my first decorating today. I have never left decorating this long before as I quite enjoy it. Anyway that is another 'first' out of the way so I am sure I will be fine now.

I took a leaf out of your book Kaz and had some chocolate tonight - very nice it was too!

Hope everyone else is okay and having a decent evening. X factor was quite good - Same as Wully - Chris used to watch it with me and complain all the way through. He enjoyed it more as it got further into it though.

Have a good evening everyone. Ailsa xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi All , yes Ailsa the sun stayed out we had a good BBBQ , the little kids are in bed and the big kids are on the wii . they've gort a new game . The balloon releasing went ok , my balloon went in the tree but its what i expected . We shed a few tears as we left , his daughter bought me flowers , so thats chocks and flowers i've had today , i am so lucky to have a good family . The grave looks great ,even if a bit naf , i think you would see it from space there is so many balloons and flowers on it . I have got a video and i will post it on F/B as soon as i can work out how to edit it , its about 5 mins long at the moment .
I hope you made your wedding party Helen and it went ok . Glad the party went ok Gayle , Hope you enjoyed the decorating as much as the chokalait Fiona . Sue where were you , your wine is waiting ..

Take care all

Lynne xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

didn't you see me? I drank the wine, ate my sausage and then flew back to watch alice in her showcase.which she put on with the other members of her drama workshop. It was fab. the workshop/drama group was something which Alan was very keen on and he had a lot of input into the early stages of the planning. i am so proud of her; they had a collection for cancer relief, and she has worked so hard to do this in memory of her dad.
Glad it ll went Ok tonight, Lynne;family support is just the greatest, and you obviousy have such a fab relationship with all of the offspring; it must be a huge comfort to you.
another sausage please!
Sue x

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Errrrrr Sue - was that supposed to be a picture???? All I can see is writing.................

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Thanks Sue i think there is still the odd sausage lying about but all thechocks are gone now Kaz , I'm glad your night was alright , I,m sur Alan would have been proud . I am lucky to have my family and Gordons girls , i'm sure i wouldn't be where i am now if it wasn't for them and you ..
Lynnexxxxxxxxxxxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

bet Kaz sneaked inand pinched the chocs - she's like that!!!love you really kaz
just have to make do with a bit of cake....................

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Good morning team... Lovely and sunny here... done housework, washing on, Going to start on the garden.....Empty house think I am going doo lally !!!!!!!!!
GET UP SOMEBODY xxxxxxxxx kaz

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi, there, Kaz
have you been on pills,or what? For goodness sake,slow down; you're making me feel guilty!
just about to take dogs out; like you, washing is on, then back to sort out 2 rooms upstairs which are used as studies. I'm moving my stuff into Alan's study, and Alice is going to have mine. the amount of paper up ther would stock a forest! Scary

sue x

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