My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

That sounds like a good idea Kaz ,go for it .. my sister has asked me to go to butlins at the end of sept and i was undecided too , but i think i will go , it beats sitting on my own all the time , even though his daughter has just said she's coming down this weekend , yippeee . Anyway thats me out of here this working for a living is tireing , Speak soon , no doubt Sue is still out (good girl )

Take care Lynnexxxxxxxxxxxx

Good night my little chickadee xxxxxxx

Hi Everyone,
Just catching up with all the post and we seem to be all the same i have been down tonight and i have cried most of the night, i hate this being in the house on my own, an electricity man came to the door at teatime and i let him in thinking he was wanting to read meter and he got me to set up a contract to pay for my gas with them as well i felt he badgered me into it so i got onto the phone to my brother in law and started to cry so he came in and phoned the guy up and tried to cancel it but i have to do it in writing he got my bank details so will have to go into bank tomorrow i feel so stupid and i can just hear Derek shouting at me as he didn't like them coming to the door and use to just say no thanks and shut the door i suppose i will learn. Well i will get off to bed and hopefully sleep but i am so wound up about it all. Hope you are all feeling a bit better don't think weather helping us really wet here today again.
Take Care
Fiona xxxxxxxxx

Hi Everyone,
Just catching up with all the post and we seem to be all the same i have been down tonight and i have cried most of the night, i hate this being in the house on my own, an electricity man came to the door at teatime and i let him in thinking he was wanting to read meter and he got me to set up a contract to pay for my gas with them as well i felt he badgered me into it so i got onto the phone to my brother in law and started to cry so he came in and phoned the guy up and tried to cancel it but i have to do it in writing he got my bank details so will have to go into bank tomorrow i feel so stupid and i can just hear Derek shouting at me as he didn't like them coming to the door and use to just say no thanks and shut the door i suppose i will learn. Well i will get off to bed and hopefully sleep but i am so wound up about it all. Hope you are all feeling a bit better don't think weather helping us really wet here today again.
Take Care
Fiona xxxxxxxxx

Hon dont let anybody in your house like that there should be a cooling off period so it will be ok...
I still cant make a decision between tea and coffee so I dont sign anything......kaz xx

Hello everyone. I have just been catching up on the chats while I have been in Weymouth. It seems strange that several of us seem to have wobbles at the same time! I have had a lovely few days away but found it very difficult missing Chris so badly. That was the first 'holiday' since Chris died and all I could think about was that I couldn't share any of it with him. It was 3 months on Sunday since Chris died so I left the others by the pool and went for a long walk along the coast. It was very quiet so I had a good chat to Chris out load and a good cry. I took lots of photos but then got mad coz he won't see them. Chris loved to walk when we were on holiday. He liked to walk in the countryside and in the towns - it didn't matter. I found myself thinking I really shouldn't take off for a walk like that as it was very remote and anything could have happened. It didn't though and I got a lot out of my system. I am going away to the coast again in a few weeks and I will be more careful about going off on my own then. I have enjoyed being away but I feel more than ever that I have a long time ahead of me without Chris and it fills me with sadness. There was so much more to do together. I have cried a lot this past weekend and I am more certain than ever that I need to try counselling. None has been offered so far so it looks like I will have to make the first move - I will try the hospice.
Having said that I am sure the very best counselling is what I get from coming on here. Thank you all for still being here now I have come back with a very mixed bag of emotions.
How is Brad doing at your Dad's Kev?
Good luck at tonight's quiz Sue. I only had 2 days in Weymouth. I spent one on the caravan park with my daughter and grandson and Becky's friend and her son. I spent the other in Weymouth. The beach is lovely and we had really good fun. I didn't see anymore than that coz I ran out of time. I bought myself a nice bracelet from one of the fossil shops so that is a nice momento.
I found out a good thing - my grandson who rarely goes outside without his Mum (and still can't ride his bike!) is a really good swimmer! I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought he wouldn't want to get his face wet and there he was jumping in and swimming really well - restored my faith!
I hope your daughter enjoys her few days away this week Fiona and I hope you enjoy the caravan at the weekend with the kids Gayle.
I don't go back to work until tomorrow so I have put my van in for a service today and I am going to stay home and do a few jobs then get an early night for work tomorrow.
Before I go for now - hello Christine. I hope you will still be posting. I am sorry to read about your loss. You and your husband had a long fight against this thing. Coming on here helps me more than any other single thing so I hope we hear more from you.
Take care everyone. Ailsa xx

Hi, Ailsa
Glad to hear that you got back safely - i think your long walk was probably very therapeutic! Very impressed with your grandson's swimming - I hate getting my face wet! i'll let him into a secret - I can't ride a bike either, never have done! Neither can my daughter and she's 19 - we bought her a bike when she was about 6, she sat on it once and that was it!!!!!!!1
How old is Declan?
Those mixed emotions that you talk about - i think we all identify with them. I'm dreading any sort of holiday because it was always Alan who wanted to go, not me; they were very stressful as for years he wouldn't go anywhere which meant that he couldn't get back to his own GP within a couple of hours.
next year, eh?
sue x

Hi Everyone,

Ailsa, your walk sounded very therapeutic. I know what you mean about getting support on here. It does help and one day when we are all strong enough we can all meet up one weekend in a year or two. I am looking forward to and dreading my holiday to Disneyland. The boys are very excited but I know I will be constantly looking for Wully to share the experience with. He too loved going on holiday and was wanting to go to Florida this year (even talking about it just before he died). He loved going there to a big villa with all our relatives. He also wanted to go to London to see a West End show and had kept asking me recently however I knew there was no way he could go (he wasn't very realistic about his illness) and just kept humouring him. I will have all my family with me when we go so hopefully that will help and I have just discovered there is a big huge shopping centre near to where we are staying so that cheered me up :-) Who wants to see Mickey Mouse anyway!!!

I am really missing Wully though and I know what you mean about the length of time ahead of us. I have a client who lost his partner to cancer last year and he said to me not to look far ahead as it is too daunting and I know what he means. The thought of maybe 50 years on my own without him terrifies me! One good thing is that he has cured me of my fear of dying. I used to be terrified of it and now I don't think I am as I know he will be waiting. I am not meaning that I am going to do anything silly as I couldn't leave my boys but as we all know well things happen that you can't predict and I am not so scared now.

Take care everyone and have a good day. Sun is shining here so positive thoughts hopefully!

Gayle x