My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

My dear penguin friends, wishing you all a merry christmas with my love and (((HUGS))))
Quill xxx 

Hi Penguins -- Havent been posting for a while -- really lost the plot for a while in december + have also tried to keep busy with the volunteering + getting my g/daughter safely to heathrow to fly -- lucky she went off a day b4 the snow but the train took forever to get me home Managed to write some cards + had many a cry when the cards kept coming just for me, Will try + make the best of the day with my son I know he's feeling it too but 30 somethings dont show their feelings  very much + then boxing day will have the busy bee to run around after. I hope all u lovely ladies have the best xmas  u can -- big ((((((((HUGS)))))))to u all -- it really helps to read the threads even if i dont post because someone else has said it all xx lynda

Hi everyone.  I just wanted to let everyone know I am thinking about you all this weekend.  Pam, even though this is my 2nd Christmas without Chris it is the first time in my whole life I will wake up on my own on Christmas morning as well.  My eldest daughter has been living away from home for a long time but she always came home on Christmas eve.  So last year for my first Christmas without Chris Becky & Declan were in the house.  Now that they have moved back up to Yorkshire they will be in their own house on Christmas morning and I will be home alone.  I am the eldest of 5 children so I have always been in a full house on Christmas morning.  I am going to Becky's for christmas dinner and it is my job to cook the meat for the meal.  I am hoping that keeps me busy.

Lynne, Lynda it is lovely to hear from you both.

Sending lots & lots of ((((((((hugs)))))))) to you all.  Take care.  Ailsa xxx

Hi everyone

I also want to send a huge comforting hug to you all.  I just read your post Lynn and although I obviously have no idea what has been going on in your life, I can empathise with the scenario of - I will try to explain why I have been absent soon!! Twinnies again my darling!

Am just about to log off at work and we are goig for our Christmas slap up lunch - very finanacially astute of the firm ...... you can either finish early and go home or we will pay for your lunch - not as many takers when it is Christmas Eve!

I will be at work between christmas and New YEar and hoep to find myself long enough to be able to properly catch up with you all.  This 'bubble' I appear to be in at the moment has to let me out soon doesn't it!  I don't want anyone worrying about me (how vain does that suond!) cos I am absolutely fine ..... just reached another step in this journey I guess - as I seem to be coping quite well, odd really.  I will never understand how my brain works at all!!

Huge, huge amounts of love to you all from up her in the most definitely still very frozen and very snowy ..... as I speak ..... north.

Will be in touch soon - ((((((((    )))))))))))

Love Judes xxxxxxxxxxx

Thinking of you all and sending lots of love and angel hugs x x x Patricia x x x

Hello to everyone on this thread. My husband died on Wednesday 22nd at home. Although I knew he was nearing the end, it was still unexpected as I assumed he'd have a syringe driver and slip away peacefully, but at least he isnt suffering now. I have read some of your posts and know I have a long road ahead of me. Got to get through tomorrow somehow. love to all.

Clare x

Hi Clare, so sorry to hear of your loss and  that you have to find your self here with all us other penguins.  It is so very early days for you and it will be hard.  I was told this when I lost my Martin in September, it was part of all the good advice that my cyberfriends gave me.  I was also told and will tell you too, just take each day as it comes, if you cannot do days then each hour as it comes.  Do not look too far into the future and most of all keep looking and posting on this site.  I found it such a comfort and I hope you will too.  I know this Christmas will be hard for you, but you do all you need to get you through. 

To all of my fellow penguins who will find thereselves alone on Christmas day for the first time, I wish you peace.  I was starting to dread it, but have decided I am going to spend a few hours with my Martin.  I know he will be close as he will know how much I will need him.  I will sit and talk to him and tell him how I feel and then I will go to my daughters for Christmas day and Boxing day and hope I get through.

I wish you all, the best Christmas that you can have, I wish you peace and the strength to get through. and don't forget it is only two days.

Lots of love and plenty of ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) and I think it is the indoor pool for swimming at the moment. 

Pam xx

Evening girls

Clare - welcome to our little penguin posse....though I am so sorry that you (or for that matter any of us) have a need to be here.  We do well with the mutual support and push and pull one another along as best we can.....Staying afloat in this sea of emotions is a hard lesson that we all have to learn.  So each day.....   hour....... minute that we succeed is a triumph...........

To all my penguin friends - old and new - I send love and lots of comforting Christmassy ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS - just for this evening I've abandonned the Baileys as Alan has poured me a very small glass of Lindisfarne Mead........Cheers!!!!!!!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxx

So sorry Clare to hear of your loss. Just to say i am thinking of you , take care love and gentle hugs ,leisha xxxxxxxx

Hello everyone and big hug to Clare, you must be feeling shell shocked and numb at the moment, stay with us and as the others have said take everything one step at a time. 

Pam I think you have the right plan for tomorrow, just reading it sounds peaceful and calm and very right in all ways.  The jolly, happy, smiling bits are for the family - I know Sam is so excited she is like a child again at times (in fact that is more true than I would like it to be in some ways), her first Christmas in her new home with her man, oh I remember those times and I'm happy for her that life together is just beginning.  We can share the quiet reflective times away from all that and our loved ones will be with us, just look for the signs even if you think you don't see any they are there.

Trying hard not to panic about cooking the dinner tomorrow, after all it is just a big roast chicken (well turkey) and I've cheated like mad with frozen veg in steam bags, frozen ready cooked roast potatoes (Sainsburys own not Aunt Bessie) and even frozen yorkshire puds and packet turkey gravy - not perfection and not really clever Delia stuff but it's dinner, it's easy and we're together thats what makes it Christmas.  I will light my candle in the evening, drink a toast to Steve and then one to all of you and all of yours - together at the bar in the Angels Arms having a drink and toasting us.  Take care my lovely penguins, who would have thought a year ago we would still be tapping away at this thread and adding new penguins too, love you all, keep swimming or rowing the boat xxxxxxxxx