My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi everyone, just a quick hello, thanks to everyone who has added me on facebook, I hope to get to know you all, I have been struggling recently and not really been on mac alot a bit too much at the moment........I wish I had known sooner about the meet in glasgow and I would have came along and met you all, defo the next time.....take care everyone

love Gayle xxx

Dear Gayle F

How good it is to see you posting on this thread, but obviously not good at all that you need to be here. we are all at different stages of this long, lonely journey, but we all offer support to one another and we even have a few laughs along the way, believe it or not. Please, please feel free to join in whenever you need or want to - you are welcome to rant, rave or pour your heart out - believe me, we understand.

sue xx

Evening everyone,

Welcome to our thread Gayle and sorry that you have to join us but you will find the best support here.  The penguins are a good bunch!  Sue, how fabulous that you mixed with royalty and met our lovely Dottee.  I have now forgotten what everyone else said!  You lot with your one brain cells must be infecting me :)  I am still unfortunately on this blooming rollercoaster.  Someone please come and drag me off it lol.  Today I had one of those horrible pining for Wully day's.  I haven't had one in a long time (obviously I think of him everyday but just not the painful days).  I think its because it is yet another event tomorrow without him.  We were talking on Saturday night about remembering our loved ones voices, etc.  Today when I closed my eyes I could feel the touch of his favourite shirt when I cuddled him and his soft baby hair.  It was too painful.  I then stupidly decided to read his last letter to me.  Why do we torture ourselves or should we force ourselves to do these things as they are all part of the grieving process and if we don't do we then store up trouble for the future?  Who knows but it wasn't pleasant anyway.  I signed up for my new house today and get the keys on the 28th and I think that could be part of the reason I feel unsettled.  Another house move and another upheaval.  I am feeling I need a break (as in life) needs to ease up on me for a wee bit and let the dust settle so I can gather myself up again.  I am sure it will come soon.  On a happy note my boys bought me a lovely new charm for my bracelet which is a little boy.  They are little pests but they always know how to cheer you up (although I wasn't saying that earlier when Jamie decorated every square inch of his bed with fuzzy felt - grrrrr).

Right I am off to bed.  I finally slept right through last night - yippeee!!!  I haven't slept in 2 weeks and it was really getting to me.  I actually slept in for work and went in today and was like yippee I slept in.  My boss just looked me as if I had lost the plot (which frequently I do).  He understood when I explained lol.  Just as well we have a very good relationship. 

Take care penguins and sending love and hugs to all that need them.

Gayle xxx

p.s. Sending you special hugs Amanda as I know you are struggling (my brain must be starting to work again) and Rosemary - a hug for you too with all your troubles.  I am glad FIL got his epidural sorted - Wully had one and it did make a difference.  I really hope you can make our meets as it would be lovely to meet you in person.

Hi

Judi the photos were just grand. It was lovely to meet with you all at the weekend, I had a really good time. Apart from my clairvoyant night that was the first time I had gone out since Bertie died in Feb I was a bit apprehensive but thanks to you all for making me so welcome and part of the penguin family . I went last night for my first swimming lesson and now am aching all over.  I had another cortisone injection into my shoulder so hopefully it will feel better tomorrow.

Friday will be Bert's birthday and Saturday will be the 2nd anniversary of his diagnosis so I am not in a very good place at the moment, Was thinking of taking the kids out for dinner on Friday but have not decided for sure yet

Love and Hugs to all who need them and Welcome to Gayle

Love Teri

have a good one, Gayle xx

 Good morning to u all -- dont know why I'm saying good --woke this morn with tears streaming --goodness knows what I was dreaming about.I do find waking in the morning + no Cyril the worst part- silly things like sitting down chatting over a cuppa + deciding what we were going to do. Well at least its dry this morn + there's a hint of sun so I've just got the washing on the line. Hope all you penguins have a good day -- still very envious about your meet up north am trying to juggle my wk/end to get to London.Now to get my friendly hoover out + then some shopping -- love + hugs to all xx lynda -ps loved the picture sue

Thanks Sue - love the picture.  Take it I'm the baby in the middle :-) xx

Of course, Gayle! 

can't say any different - you're only 2 years older than my daughter! xx

Evening all Gayle i hope you;ve had a fantastic birthday , i know you've had a rough week so i hope today has been better xx Brill picture Sue wuth baby penguin lol and so glad you got to meet our Dottee and Alan , how lovely xx

 Rosemary i hope FIL is still getting some relief form the epidural , such a worry for you , not long till our london meet now , cant wait to meet you and the other southern penguins , i predict lots of hugs xx

Welcome Gayle F and thanks for adding me on F/B . I've had a manic week since i got back from portugal and i am supposed to be camping for 2 nights this weekend brrr what a difference , what do i get my self into .

 Patricia , your very quiet and i know what that means , sending hugs hun ((hugs))) Fiona i hope your dad is ok , mine seems to be sinking into somebody else , hard to explain really . xx

Hugs to everbody else , cant seem to get my brain in gear since i got back .

Take care all

 love and hugs xxx

Lynne xxx

Love + hugs to all -- I sent my apologies to Gayle this morning -- so disappointed, I will be missing seeing all u glamorous penguins in London as I have to go to China + help my son out by b b sitting -- It had to be now --please take lots of pics for me -- havent had time to think straight today what with filling in visa forms  -- head went all wooly as it usually does in these situations + I'm not a fan of long haul flights -- but will have a couple of drinks + take a good book  xx lynda