My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember
FormerMember
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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    dear esme

     

    Thank you for my gazebo - better than this minging weather!!

     

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Well i got through the day ok , and like most of you have said the build up is usually worse than the actual day , I was a bit tearful when i saw my boss this morning and she'd read everybodies messages to me on face book and asked who everybody was , when i told her how we'd met she gave me another hug and said it was from everybody else , so i  asked her to post that on FB which she did . She really has been a god send to me xx

    We had a bit of a scary moment tonight , i was on my last journey back to base about 15 miles away when it started snowing , no problem a thought , but then the windscreen wipers decided to pack up too , so i was driving through sleet and rain in the dark with no wipers , i've decided if i can do that i can do anything lol . My crew mate kept jumping out at traffic lights and clearing the screen a bit , at least we had a laugh , i'm sure Gordon had a hand in it as when we got back to the station one of the lads just tightned them up , why didn't we think of that , cos we're girls lol xx Rosemary enjoy your dinner tonight and Lesley glad your feeling more positive now , lets get that baby born and we'll have somthing really nice to talk about , like when Charlie was born xx Thank you all for yoyr messages and texts today i really do appriciate it . xx

    Anyway the kettle is going on , any one want one ?   xxxx  

    Take care   

      Lynne xxxxxxxx

     

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    yes please - black coffee, no sugar xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Mmm Lynne, that's another one of the many, many things I miss, someone to make me a coffee! So yes I would love coffee, one sugar and you may even add a drop of Tia Maria! x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    For Sue xxxxxxFor Lesley for mexxxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    oops trying to be clever and got your drinks mixed up , dont ever send me to the bar xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Ha, ha love it. Was beginning to feel a little down again, just sitting here alone, listening to wind howling down the chimney but you have made me smile. )))))))))

    Wish I could get warm, have central heating on full, am seriously considering watching TV in bed with electric blanket on!

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    do whatever you want to do, Lesley!

    Been out for lunch today with my mother and my two lovely girlies, then a bit of retail therapy.  Going to helen's tomorrow to see her new kitchen, then cooking roast beef for tea.   Not much planned for friday, but some shopping on Saturday then taking mother back to Cornwall Sunday, back to work Monday.

    We will get to next year safely, girls and boys - just hang on in there.

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Glad it made you smile Lesley , you'll soon find out why my nick name is calamity jane , Sue has e en got the tshirt for me lol .xx Your next couple of days sounds good Sue . enjoy , you deserve it xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Evening girls - where has the time gone???  Back to work Monday Sue???  Well same for me too...............but I'm sure I've lost a week somewhere!!!!!  I was convinced that I could carry on lounging around for another week!!!!!  Heyho!!!  Time flies when you're having 'fun'......ummmm - doesn't it?????  I know that the past few days have not been much fun for many of you and I wish with all my heart that I could do something to help make things better for you all.............But the new year is just around the corner and needs positive thoughts to welcome it in!!!  So my wish for you all is that you will find peace and at least a small amount of happiness in whatever 2010 brings to your door .............Sue, Ailsa, Lynne, Patricia, Helen, Rosemary, Lesley............Oh!!   and Dave and boys and also anyone that calls by here ............my thoughts will be with you all tomorrow night - I will raise a glass of something to you and send love and ((((((((((((((((bug higs)))))))))))))) to comfort you all

    Dot xxxxxxxxxxx