My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi Everyone

I have been reading all your posts for a couple of weeks now... I lost my lovely Miles on October 10th and have been posting on another thread, but thought I might join you here too if that's OK? I have noticed a few cross-overs here and there...

Yesterday was very hard for us (my Daughter Hayley and I), and oddly, the first day that no-one from the family has phoned to find out how we were - don't know if it was a purposeful attempt to leave us alone with our grief.... But we do whatever we can to get us through the day - as do we all here!

Our Macmillan nurse came this afternoon to collect Miles' wheelchair and his high calories drinks and things. I'm glad that it's not hanging over me anymore but it kind of knocked me for six a bit. (It didn't bother me too much when they cam to collect the oxygen machines three weeks ago - odd isn't it what gets to you?) Bless her though, she burst into tears when I gave her the £750 we had collect at Miles' funeral.

My friends are taking me out for tea tonight - first time I've been anywhere since Miles was taken ill so will have to see how it goes... have to try though don't we!

Manda xx

Evening everyone

Manda glad you`ve joined us over here xxx Hope you have a nice tea. Hard at first but gets easier.

Ailsa you must be exhausted and that always makes us more weepy doesn`t it? I was in bed at 9.30 last night, I was shattered.

Lynne, Liverpool drew 2 - 2. Liam wasn`t impressed!!! Judi I`m sorry for getting you interested lol!!!!

Patricia, good luck with the rest of your decorating.

Sue how`s work? We`ve started practising for our Christmas concert. Got some of our 3 year olds trying so hard to sing the words and others sitting with their hands over their ears!!! Must be my singing lol!!!

Having takeaway for tea tonight, can`t be bothered cooking!! Got a cross son too as his new game for the Xbox 360 hasn`t arrived!! Sorry to say but I lost it with him and shouted!! Oh well, suppose it`s good to let it out sometimes

Have a good evening everyone

Helen xxx

Hi Manda.  It is nice to see you on here as well.  I hope you enjoy your tea out tonight.  Don't expect too much.  I have only been out a couple of times since Chris died 6 months ago but it does get easier.  I remember feeling very much like I was on the outside looking in at first but I don't think I feel so much like that now.

Now you have mentioned being a bit thrown when the Mac nurse came for Miles's things today I remember that I was okay when the district nurse called for some of Chris's things the day after he died but a week later when they came for the bed etc I found it a lot more difficult.  I think it must be the intense shock at first that makes us so numb and inevitably the numbness must have given way a little in the days and weeks later.  You and Hayley did so well raising that money in Miles memory at his funeral.  Enjoy your evening Manda.  Ailsa xx

Dear Manda

welcome to the thread - sorry you need to be here at all, but we've all been where you are, and are still there in a lot of cases. However, we're a very frindly team who give one another a  great deal of support, so please move in with us.

        Sue x

Hi Manda, just sent you a friend request but it cut me off in mid message so thought I would wave and welcome you to our gang and hope you have a good evening;.  I'm going out with some friends tonight too, as said it does get easier and tonight for me wont be so bad as it's just two friends - I found it harder in the larger group we see as they all started talking about their husbands and I found it hard a few times and felt very alone, but they didn't mean to be insensitive and after all we have to fit into life in the outside world, but it hurts sometimes.  Bug hig to you though xx

Hello all, not much time catching up today, inlaws visited again and Samantha not well, all sorts still happening with Daniels place and guess who has to do the chasing round, also Beckham (the horse) had physio today and he had a kick on the knee that needed hosing down.... oh the joys!  Anyway as said above off out for gobblies with some old work mates so must dash but wanted to look in on you all.  Love and bug higs xxxxxx

Evening all , ah Ailsa i bet your gutted about the head stone , i know i would be , we just build ourselves up for these things and then something comes along to upset us even more , so sorry and i hope you hear about the bench soon . At least you've got the weekend to look forward to , i cant wait to see the pictures , they'll knock my cowgirl pictures out the window  . I'm excited for you , if anyone drops out can i be first reserve lol .. xx

Helen you shout never !! but yes i'm sure your right it does do you good to let it out sometimes . I'm sure you and Liam are still best buddies xx

Hi Manda , and welcome too from me , its a very dark place your in at the moment but there will be chinks of light sometimes , and then dark , and then the light will stay on for a bit longer . We are all up and down , i'm 19 weeks today into this journey that nobody wanted . I hope you get as much strength form this site as i have but be prepared for the roller coaster but there will always be somebody riding it with you , you will never be alone as long as you keep logging on . Do take care xx

Hi Sue , Patricia , Gayle,Fiona Judi , Esme Dottee and Quill and anyone else who may read our stories xxxx

Lynnexxxx

Evening all - welcome to Manda as others have said your journey will be very up and down - but I endeavour to light your way by doing and saying daft things ( read my 'carrying on' thread for latest instalment of life at Chez T.....) and I'm responsible for all the '((bug higs))' round here too ( my fingers turned 'spoonerish' when typing 'big hug').....................Love and more comforting ((((((((((((((((((bug higs))))))))))))))))) to you all  Dot xxxxxxxx

Hi Lynne

Yeah we`re still buddies, especially after he`d eaten his takeaway :)

Ailsa you need a couple of early nights before your big weekend, i`m very jealous. Looking forward to photo`s

Helen xxx

Hi, lovely ladies

BEen reading all the posts but have had kitten issues (ie little b****r went under the shed and couldn't /wouldn't get out, ), car issues (flat tyre - sorted now by wonderful caretaker from work) and general knackeredness - not sorted at all but have to put up with it.

helen, haven't atarted Christmas yet at school - refused to do it before emembrance day. Nno excuse now!!! expecting Ofsted any time b-ut to be honest don't care a fig - some things are not worth getting in a state about, and that's one of them.

Ailsa - ENJOY THE WEEKEND!!!!! That's an order1

  it'll feel strange, but doesn't everything!!!you have inspired me with your talk of decorating, so after christmas, living room makeover begins.

judi, how are those dogs? I've found out tonight that my labrador is totally USELESS  at chasing balls in the dark - even I could hear where it bounced, but she just went lolloping off the wrong way and left me in a dark muddy field wondering who ever had the thought that having a dog was a good idea!!!!!Actually, I think it was me.......

Lynne, how are you coping on the bench in this rain? You need a hat like mine....

  My daughter has disowned me for wearing it, but I'm dry and she's wet, so who's right??????????????????????

gayle, if you get to read this, hope all's going well and look forward to hearing from you soon.

fiona, bug higs to you - the sun WILL shine for us again.

>

Patricia, are you working this week?   hope you're not still having trouble getting on to the site. ((((((((((((((((((higs))))))))))))))))))) - sorry about the torrid time at counselling. Remembrance day haas taken on a new meaning for all of us.

esme, hope you enjoyed the gobblies with your friend, and that Beckham is better for his physio.

Manda, hope you'll continue to post on heere - we might seem a bit weird sometimes, but we do make fairly good sense.

Sometime,s anyway.!!!!!!!

Love to all

Sue x

Ailsa, I hope that you soon feelalittle less fragile and can go ahead and enjoy your weekend away. I am sure the headstone will be placed pretty soon and then yu can start to settle.

Helen, a little bit of normality is creeping into your home. Isn't that lovely. Ok it is not the normality you wanted but it is creeping in all the same.

Sue, I am thinking that you are going through a pretty bad time yourself. I may be wrong but you are not your usual cheery self.  Hey I hope you found the dog's ball lol.

Lynne, you want to join Ailsa do you? are you sure that would be wise with your track record for mishaps? lol

Manda, welcome to this thread. As has been said before, it is very difficult at first to make yourself take part in any group things. I used to take myself off for a few moments if it got too much for me. I don't have to do that quite so often now.

Dottee we all love your 'spoonerisms'  (don't tell the others but I tend to make spoonerisms too). Sometimes they are more interesting and memorable than normal conversations lol. I hope yu and Alan are doing ok at the moment and not finding the days too cold for walking.

Esme, I hope Beckham soon recovers.

Fiona, how are you? Still missing Scooby heaps I expect. Soon have that little grandbaby in your arms though. Bet you are getting excited (bitter sweet time though eh?)

Judi, seen any nice light fittings lately lol.

Gayle have fun sorting things out in your new place. Hope you are soon back online properly.

Quill, I hope that you and Charlotte are faring a little better.

Kaz please come back to us x x

Anyone i have not mention please forgive me.

Take care everyone and have the best day you can tomorrow.

Love and angel hugs x xPatricia x x