My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Evening all , glad you,ve had a good day Helen , 6 weeks to christmas , i cant believe it , cant get my head round christmas . Its funny (not funny but strange ) i,ve been thinking this time last year Gordon started on a new trial at Christies , brand new wonder drug , we to we're so full of hope , Gordon really believed this one would work , but i'm glad he never gave up hope , and i didn't either . Its crap . My 6 months is on the 30 th dec , what a end to the year . I dont know if you've seen a picture i've put on f/b i called it my pic of the year , it was taken new years day . Gordons girls we're down for the new year , and we all went for lunch on new years day with my kids . Just as we we're leaving i suddenly said wait all sit down and i asked the bar man to take our photo , i'm so glad i did its the only one with us all on . Somebody commented about the photo the next day on f/b  and said how nice it was , i put "yes what a lovely way to start the new year " little did i know what the year would bring . Sorry i didn't mean to get all sorrow full . Its a cruel world .

Lynne xxxx

Hi guys

I have put the canoe away and am able to walk down the pavement again (for now!).  Lynne and Helen big squashy hugs for you, cos from reading your posts I can tell exactly how you are feeling, .  I am not going to say 'chin up' or anything, just loads of love.

Cut my fringe with the bathroom scissors today as I though it was a bit long - would someone please explain how, even when you have only cut half an inch off about twenty seven hairs, it can manage to look as if I have taken the garden strimmer to my head!!  Oh thank god for woolly hats!

Gayle, I am really glad that you enjoyed your 'first sleep' but am sorry that you feeling poorly.  Duvet on the settee, hot chocolate and an old movie on the tv is the order of the day.

Ailsa, oh lala.  I think you will have a lovely time in Paris and London.  How exciting and glamorous for you. 

Patricia hun, you know that I am in awe of you (apart from your LOUSY sense of direction that is!! lol).  Keep telling us your tales.   Dottee and Alan, hope you did manage to have a restful weekend. 

Sue, I think that you a secret stash of perfect pictures that you delve into, just to find the right one for the occassion.  I love them.  Love to Esme and Fiona and all.

Off to stare at the exercise bike, see if it is calling me tonight ..... I have to confess that sometimes the Mars Bar icecream calls louder!!

Judi xxxxx

Judi - shift yourself!!!!

i'll have the mars ice cream.

sue x

Ha ha, love it Sue, give us some of the ice cream xxx

Thanks for the hugs Judi, I`m ok, just been in thought lately. Hope your fringe grows quickly!!!

Helen xx

Right Sue, that one had me laughing out loud - I think it is a grimace on her face, yes? cos there certainly is on mine.  Okay - the Mars come in boxes of four and if you buy two boxes you get them cheaper, so that is one for Sue, one for Helen and I will admit to having snuck one in AFTER my 20 mins on the bike - so that leaves five others.  Any takers??

Night all - Judi xx

Judi you are making me feel soooo guilty now.  My exercise bike is looking at me in disgust.  Why? because it is gathering dust that's why. I will get on it for ten minutes today (mmm.......  don't hold your breath coz I ain't on it yet).

This flippin site hates me and makes me work really hard to post my messages.

I hope that today is a nicer and better one for most of you. Anyone with any significant dates coming up (((((HUGS))))).

I will try to get on again later. Going to the hospice tonight to the support group.

Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Morning girls - I do my exercises when I trip over my feet!!  They're all floor exercises - so while I'm on the floor I do them!!!!!  As I'm always falling over(!?) - they get done regularly!!!!!!  No special time/place/equipment!!!!!!!

We had a nice relaxing weekend thanks - couldn't do too much outside anyway as the weather was pretty awful - especially on Sunday!!! (I'm glad the walk was the week before!!)  I baked a few buns for Readers Group - but that was the sum total of my 'work'.....Not much planned for this week - ooooohhhh!  going for a massage on Thursday morning and can't wait...............What a treat!!!! 

Love and (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) to you all Dot xxxxxxx

Hi Patricia (I'm whispering)  I will tell you - but don't tell the others will you - you don't have to feel guilty at all because I have my exercise bike in 'downhill mode' LOL.  I figure that we all have enough of an uphill struggle at the moment without me adding to it.

Speak later all.

Judi xx

Patricia and Judi, you`re mad!!! You had me laughing at your last posts :) !!

Just a quick post, I`m going to an evening prayer service for All Souls Day. We`ve been invited to go as it is also a remembrance service and they read out the names of loved ones who have died. Not too sure how it`ll be (don`t go to church vey often!) but I`m going with Liam and Nat and Paul`s mum and dad. You can also light a candle which will be nice. Will let you know later how it went.

How is everyone else, weather is awful again today

Helen xxx

Hello everyone.  I have been reading through all your posts and some have really made me giggle.  Patricia and Judi - you sound like lost causes on the exercise front.  But then I am one to talk - I am not exactly wearing out my wii fit!!  Patricia I love you likening us to a soap but your tale of the malodourous passenger on the train was a little too real - poor baby.  Judi - how is the fringe coming along.  Try using selotape next time!!

I had a bit of a bad 'un yesterday - 6 months since Chris died but as we all do, I got through it.  I read some posts last night and this morning but couldn't really think what to say.  It was just nice to read the conversations and not feel so lonely.  So thanks to you all just for being there!  I did far too much painting yesterday but it is worth it today.  Stu has been down and helped me move some of the biggest furniture back to where it belongs.  There is still plenty to do but it is nice to be able to sit on the sofa again between painting spurts.  The painting will be finished by Friday evening and I am having the weekend off.  I need a dress rehearsal for the hen do and the wedding.  I need a makeup dry run as well as I don't normally wear much makeup but I want to make an effort.  I would like to go to a bonfire on Saturday night if it is dry.  Is anyone else going to one?

It is my youngest daughter - Toni's - birthday on the 12th so we are going out for a meal on Sunday to celebrate.  She will be 22.

Sue - it sounds like you really made the most of the half term break.  I hope your mum is well.

Lynne I love the picture you put on fb of you all together.  I don't think they close my cemetery gates.  It always seems to be open no matter when I go.  I sometimes have gone at the very last minute as it is dropping dark but the gates are still open.  No sign of my bench yet.

Dot - I am glad you and Alan had your quiet weekend.  Enjoy the massage.

Helen I had similar thoughts to you about Paul and 'this time last year'.  Chris went back to work in October last year on rehab hours.  He was so pleased as the employee health service doctor tried to stop him.  There was no stopping Chris when he was on a mission.  He still had an open wound but was determined he was having no more time off.  He did really well for about a month but then got MRSA from a hospital appointment.  He got rid of it very quickly but then started to get all sorts of infections after that.  We need a plan to get through this.  Chris and I had a bit of a lull during October last year but then appointments started again thick and fast in November.  They seemed to just continue every few days and weeks after that.  I think we need a distraction.  What do you think?

My son's girlfriend went to an All Souls service on Sunday.  Her grandad died on the 22nd Dec last year so his name was read out.  That was lovely for her and her family.  How did it go for you and your family Helen?

Well I had best be off and do some more straightening up.  I hope Gayle is settling in okay.  How is Kim Fiona?  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xx