My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi Helen.  That is a lovely idea.  I am not the best with ideas but I will have a think.  I am going to have a bench put in the cemetery in memory of Chris.  Could you sponsor some sort of award or trophy at a sports club that Paul was interested in?

You are right though - it will give you something to focus on.  It is lovely that they are going to do that.  I am going into Chris's work next Tuesday because they are going to unveil a plaque in the reception in Chris's memory.

Let's see if any of the others have any good ideas for you.  Ailsa xx

oh helen, what a fab thought!    They must think so highly of Paul and the rest of you.

Lynne would say how about a bench for the cemetery!!!! complete with hot water bottles and sleeping bags.

you could plant a tree, name a star, make a memory garden,  get a  lovely water feature to make a special focus for your garden or for a hospital or hospice garden,   have a really good holiday with your children, or set up a charitable trust or similar in Paul's name to help cancer sufferesr or to go towards whatever Paul's interests were.

Let us know what you decide.

Sue x

Some good ideas there, thanks, need to have  think!! The bench isn`t an option as it is only a small garden of rest and someone has already asked.

Ailsa I am so tired too, have been blaming it on work but absolutely exhausted!! 5 months for us both now and don`t know about you but it feels more difficult at the moment. Hopefully will get easier soon

Helen xxx

Hope you enjoy living in your 'new' house for a while Gayle. It will give you time to look around leisurely for something you really want.

Helen, Ailsa got in before me with the trophy suggestion. Sue had some good ideas too.

I hope lynne is enjoying her holiday.

Ailsa sorry you are feeling so tired.  Bereavemnent seems to do that to you somehow. It is so draining.  Glad to hear your breathing has improved though.

Anyone seen Kaz or Fiona lately?

Dottee, take care of yourself and don't wear yourself out before this walk x

I went to the local hospice tonight to the bereavement support group. They were so lovely. I was offered the chance to make an appointment to see the hospice consultant about Ray's last days and his treatment. I declined as I see no useful reason for this.  I would just be taking him away from patients who need him now.  Also, I know that he was given the best possible treament anyway.

I hope you are all as well as you can be.

Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

I spoke with Fiona on facebook last night and I think she has been having some trouble getting on this site.  I will try to catch her again and see if the problem is fixed.

It won't have been an easy day for you today Helen.  It was five months last Friday that I lost Chris and five months today for you and Paul.  I think the tiredness is the bereavement impact.  I don't know what you think Helen but 5 months sounds like such a long time yet it still only seems such a short time since Chris died.  I am sure everyone else posting on here knows what I mean.  I seem to find I am especially tired on Mondays.  I think you have been quite tired as well haven't you Sue?

Kaz is studying so I think she is trying to keep off here for a few days at a time while she concentrates.  I am sure we will hear from her again by the weekend.

Do you think you derived some benefit from the bereavement support group Patricia?  I understand what you say about declining the chance to speak with the consultant - I'm not sure what good it can do.  I have questions about Chris's final hours but I am not sure I would get honest answers after all this time and I am not sure it would put my mind anymore at rest in which case why bother.

Right - I am going to try to find that Fiona on facebook!!  Take care everyone.  Ailsa xx

Just to let you know I'm here and thinking of you all..........sending comforting (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) to you all................Dot xxxxxxxxx

I was thinking about you on Friday too Ailsa xxx 5 months does seem a long time but where has it gone? Like you say seems such a short time.

Nearly bedtime so will catch up with you all tomorrow. Going to open night at 6th form tomorrow with my baby!!! What were we saying about time passing lol!!!

Night all

Helen xxx

I've left a message for Fiona just in case she still can't get on here.  I am going to go to bed as well very soon.  Evening Dot - hope you are both okay.  Ailsa xx

We're fine - well as good as can be anyway...............

Hi all, sorry I haven't been on for a while, feel a bit like I'm swimming through mud at the moment, keep trying but don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.  I think it's partly Daniel moving out and suddenly Sam and I are just two of us in this big house (with the two dogs and Dave the cat thank goodness), this time last year we were a family and now.... well you know what I mean.  Have been waking up at night again and just feeling lonely and loads of problems wizzing round my head, thought I was getting on so well (it's 9 months now) but maybe that's why it's hitting me harder at the moment as we have moved into the "this time last year" phase when Steve started getting really ill.

Christmas.... always a problem now even more so.  Daniel, Samantha and I are going away this year, we never have before but we thought we would just pack up with the dogs and have hired a beautiful cottage in Cornwall just for us.  I'm sure the families will be plaguing us with phone calls but at least we can do our own thing and be ourselves for a while.  As for cards I hadn't thought about what to do this year, last year I just gave up and didn't send any at all, just a few emailed ones (Jaqui Lawson.com, they are beautiful).  Even going away though I will have to sort out presents for the family and cards of course, I think there are still a few far flung friends that don't know. 

Helen, just a thought but is there a special place where you could have a bench, not necessarily the cemetery but perhaps a favourite seaside spot or somewhere with a view?  Doing the garden for Steve gave us all something to focus on and such pleasure now to look at it and sit in the gazebo sharing some peaceful time together or a few quiet moments alone.

Off to bed now, sending you all love and hugs, sleep well and take care tomorrow in this horrible weather we are having xxxxx