My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hello my lttle chickedee sorry your bored hon.   I have been away for a while been trying to study and finding it soooo hard. Just cant seem to retain anything.  Going back to work next week.  and away next weekend.  Seem to be so busy I think it is helping.  Son is now at Uni and having great time...Missed you all so much but I am ok....This blooming new site just has put me off it keeps thowing me out....

Lots and lots of love and kisses Kaz xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Aww Kaz it is a bit crazy but we will all hang in there.  I am on f/b if you want ot add me Patricia Hill (leeds) x x Going out with daughter for a quick lunch to give her a break from her studies and gets me out of the house too. Speak later x x Patricia x x

Kaz - you're back!!

missed you so much

know what you mean about retaining stuff - the old widow's brain kicking in, methinks!

Sue x

Sue how are you today?  Feeling any better? x xpatricia x x

Hi, Patricia

yes thanks, feeling a lot better today. Tired after work, but no change there!

Off to quiz tonight, which will help - takes me out of myself!

How are you?

Sue x

Hope you enjoy the quiz night. I was at one a few weeks ago with my sister.

I am not too bad thanks. At least I have not been crying all day today.  How sad I sound. 30 weeks in and still spend a lot of my time either crying or trying to avoid crying.  Ray would be so disapointed in me, but he knows how snesitive and soft I am.

Apart from that I am ok.  I have nothing really to moan about apart from my own selfish sorrows.

Take care hun x x Patricia x x

Hi Everyone,

Glad you are feeling a bit better today Sue and glad you haven't been too tearful today Patricia (I requested you on FB just in case you don't know who the request came from!).  30 weeks is not long so don't be tough on yourself.

I had an up and down day.  Bad news is that I think the house I am buying is about to fall through as my mortgage company are been really slow and the seller is being a pain too wanting me to sign paperwork at the moment that my solicitor is saying don't sign until he gets more info from mortgage company.  I will find out hopefully this week but if it does I have decided just to rent for a while until I am sure what I want.  I need to be out my house for 30th October and the minimum lease I can take is 6 months so I might just do that and then buy at the end of the 6 months.  I will wait and see although I am going to look at a couple of rental properties tomorrow just to get an idea what is out there.  All very stressful as I worry about the boys although everyone keeps saying to me that they don't care where they live (rented or not) and will be happy as long as they have space and their toys.  I have seen a gorgeous barn conversion to rent so not too worried about what I will have to live in at the moment.

On a good note I went and saw a stylist today and it was really interesting.  She did an analysis of all my colours etc and then took me shopping and I got some really nice things and probably things I wouldn't have went for before including a gorgeous dress.  I also had a bra fitting which was really bizarre.  I won't publish my figures on the internet lol!!! but lets just say after being measured it was very different to what I actually thought I was.  So very interesting all round although I think I have burnt out my debit card so will not be shopping for a while lol!

Hope your days have all gone okay.

Gayle xx

Evening everyone

Glad your feeling better Sue good luck at your quiz night. Glad too that you have been feeling a bit less weepy today Patricia. I don't know why it is that some days are worse than others but they just are and little can be done to improve them so i guess its just part of the process, and hopefully our weepy days will get fewer.

work was still an ordeal today, not sure what was worse getting the hugs from friends or when a customer who was an old friend of Liams came up to me and asked how he was. I felt awful that he didn't know and he felt awful because he knew it had upset me. On the positive side saw youngest daughters teacher for a report on how she has settled into her new school and it was all glowing reports, so very proud of her as she has never been very interested at her primary school, it was just a place to socialise!

gayle sorry to hear about the house but as we were saying before, things happen for a reason so maybe if you don't get that house then it was not meant to be because you will find an even better one. Still glad you made up for it later and pampered yourself.

Hope everyone has had a good day

debs x

 Hi .  Everyone,

Gayle sorry to hear about your house, but it will sort itself out i am sure if it's meant to be you will get it. Had Kim and Darren for tea tonight so at least i have to make a effort at makie a proper meal. I have had a cry after having a phone call from a witheld number asking to speak to Mr Potts and when i said no he said when is the best time to catch him, it is so hard to say he has died. This was the day last year when Derek had an appointment with the consultant and she was so pleased with how he was doing o how things change in such a short time never thought he would not be here at xmas time. Day off for me tomorrow so go and see my dad and hopefully be nice so i can get him out for awhile. Deb's hope you are getting on ok at work i also work in a shop in a small town and thought everyone would know about Derek before i went back to work but there was still customers who asked how he was and it was so hard to have to tell them without breaking down. Well think it's bedtime as didn't sleep well last night but nothing new for me .Speak soon.

Take Care Fiona xxxxxxxxxxxx

WE WON!!!!!!

thanks everyone for your good wishes - feeling a lot better today and had a good laugh tonight, which is a tonic in itself!   Alice is now back at uni, and seeming happier -she loves learning, and looks forward to going into schools for her teaching practices.

bedtime I think - have to be bright eyed and bushy tailed in the morning (as if!!!)

sue x