My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Just to say I believe in angels and that they are there to offer their love and support  if only we let them into our hearts.

I just hope that you all soon staret to feel a little better. 

Ok Judi I will keep my ironing to myself then (all my son's shirts).

A post Christmas meeting sounds good. I am in Yorkshire. 

Try to be good to yourselves.  I have difficulty with that one, but working on it.

Take care all. Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

Morning everyone

Hope you are feeling better this morning gayle, as you say your lucky to have your mum to help with the boys, theres nothing worse than feeling dreadful but having to carry on as normal.

Hope you had a good night Lynne.

Had a really bad day yesterday and night just felt so low and couldn't stop crying absolutely no reason for it, everything I did just reminded me of what I've lost with Liam gone. Must really try to get it together today but feel and look terrible as had hardly any sleep.

Debs x

Morning all , Thank you so much for the lovely messages you all sent me last night , i was alright it was my sis who was shedding the tears , she said she was sorry cos she thought she would set me off but it didn't , she said how proud she was of me but everytime she looks at me she she's the empty space at the side of me , thats why she started crying . She has been brill all the way through this . she's younger than me and we have always been close but this has bought us even closer .

Gayle i hope your feeling better now , and Debs you will have days when you cant stop crying , i have them all the time and sometimes there is no reason the tears just come and come , they do stop , i only cry about 2/3 times a day now .

Barbie, Esme and Judi  i'm glad you found this us , you really will get the support you need xx

Quill,  Helen , Sue Kaz Patricia , Ailsa Fiona Claire and Dotte , have a good day my friends , i'll get through this because of you all .Off to do some retail therapy today yippee

Lynne xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Morning everyone.

I hope that your first night went okay Lynne and that you slept.

Debs, take care of yourself today - you must be shattered.  I bought one of those green roll-on under eye 'things' with caffine, I think it is Garnier or someone - and if my eyes are puffy or swollen I start the day with a wee swoop on the dark circles.  It doesn't help inside but it does seem to freshen up my eyes a little.

The sun is shining at the minute here, so having been inspired by so many of you and all your gardening I am going to tackle the bit at the back that at the moment looks like a nature reserve before I go to work this afternoon.

Love to all

Judi

Hello Ladies,

Lynne, glad you survived your first night and hope you have a good day shopping.

Debs - hugs - you will have bad days and nights and you are still in very early days.  I hope you have a better day today.  We are all beside you.

I still feel rubbish so just about to have a cup of tea and go back to bed.

Take care everyone.

Gayle xx

Lynne - Glad the evening went ok, I will be checking  back later to see what you bought - hope it is a big list.

Judi x

Gayle -  Snuggle back down under the duvet until you feel ready to get up. 

Judi x

Lynne, don't buy me anything too extravagant lol. Have a great day.    Gayle a big get well ((((((((hug))))))))) for you. Hope you start to feel better soon.  Debs, I hope that you staret to feel a bit less sad as the day wears on. It is so hard when these feelings take hold isn't it?  I have been very 'down' this past couple of weeks and feel as though I just can't move on. One day I will seem to be ok and then something (never any specific thing) will make me cry and that is it then I am in pieces.  All you can do is go with it and just try to enjoy the times when you don't feel quite so sad.  comforting (((((((hug))))))) for you.    Judi, have a good day.  Hope you enjoy your gardening. I am going to make a start (at last ) on my wallpapering. wish me luck with that. lol.

I hope everyone has the best day they can. Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x

 Morning Everyone

Well ready to face another day with hardly any sleep again my mind just will not shut off, i am thinking about my son going to Aus at the begining of year i want him to go but just don't know how i will cope with him so far away. I am sure Derek would have encouraged Darren to go if thats what he wants to do so i will just have to be strong.Seem to be crying more as ever now . Judi where did you say you come from and yes i am not far from Gatehouse. Gayle hope you are feeling better today. Well better grt off to work just feel shattered and not even started yet.O Lynne enjoy your shopping today.

Take Care Fiona xxxxxxxxxxx

My husband died here at home at 4.20am on the 8th August.  He refused to give in to the cancer for 8 years.  The original diagnosis was between 3 and 5.years, we were luckier than many and I appreciated that.  The last 3 years have been very hard.

To you all - thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences, it helps to know that others feel the guilt that I've felt  - I should have pushed him harder to go to the Dr earlier /   we didn't talk enough about  the emotional things / was there anything more I could have done to comfort and reasure him during those last few dreadful weeks,days, hours.    Was I right, during his last few hours to tell him  to let go, to stop fighting, to go and find our daughter.  And so it goes on.

Friends and family see us doing our very best to support and care for our husbands, therefor they cannot comprehend our guilt, so it stays inside of us, one more ache to have to deal with.

We'd been married for 41 years, I was 18 when we married, I'd known Peter since i was 14.   I try to hang on to the fact that we'd been together for so many years that we didn't need too many words to understand and appreciate  each others emotions.    We had two daughters, our youngest daughter died on the 18th September 2006 after complications set in after day surgery and after 15 weeks in intensive care.  I felt guilt after her death, still do at times, but have learnt that like the pain,  it doesn't go away, but more manageble, as does the big hole she left in our lives.  I've learn that you can't fight it, you have to go with the emotional flow, allow yourself to weep, don't try to be brave all the time, - but - when somethign does trigger a good memory, or a smile, hang on to it for as long as you possibly can, it leaves less time for  the negative thoughts.

I know that I'm now grieving for both my husband and daughter, There wasn't time to really grieve for her as Peter's cancer accelorated and took priority from the time of her death. I'm not a religious person but I do get comfort in the thought that Nicola and her dad  are together "somewhere'" .  They were both probably laughing at me this morning when I fed the fish in the garden pond bird seed instead of fish food. That shows you where my head is at present.

I miss them both dreadfully, but I have Karen our eldest daughter to think about, she has her own home and life but we speak often.  She's lost her sister who was also her best friend, and now her dad.  Karen and I try to stay strong for each other. We don't always succed but quite often out of the tears comes a family memory or a saying or a silly comment aimed at Peter and Nicola - just in case they are listening! 

I'm back at work -  have warned everyone that my brain isn't functioning as it should be  and they will have to be patient with me and never to move my box of tissues - just in case. 

We cancer widows will all survive, given time. The experience will change us, but we are all stronger than we think we are, look what we've all been through.  Although tiredness and grief mask that strength at the moment. We owe it to our husbands, partners to survive and to eventually move on, taking with us. in our heads and in our hearts. all that they have given us.

I know I've rambled on a bit - thank you for listening.

Love and very best wishes to you all.    Brenda x