Anniversary Month

You know I thought the same this morning, I can't believe it's half way through the year already. 

I don't know what to suggest other than just to go with what you want and how you feel. Do what pleases you and not anyone else, maybe see of you could do some nice things or have some treats? Maybe something Jay would have liked?

I've seen you have a granddaughter,  spend more time with her as I'm sure she brings you joy. Just throwing some things out there. 

Look after yourself x

Thank you PBD7

Yes I have my little granddaughter and she is an absolute joy. I found out also that I am to be a grandmother again my son and daughter in law are expecting their 2nd baby and he or she will arrive around November so a nice wee birthday present for me and mum My birthday is 21st November and my daughter in law is the 4th and seemingly the baby is due around the 10th.  I should be over the moon but just don't feel anything. I am very happy about it all but with every good thing that happens it just all feels that little bit bittersweet because Jay is not here to share it all and I'm feeling guilty to be happy as many have said here and on other sites that people who have lost loved ones actually feel guilty when trying to be happy again.  The wee one starts school in August that was something Jay wanted to be here for but of course cancer had other ideas there. It would have been our wedding anniversary this month too on the 21st and the ironic thing is he just managed to hold on for that and then passed away two days later its as if he was hanging on just to see out one more anniversary with me but the way he was at the end don't think he even knew what day it was never mind our anniversary. Thank you again for your thoughts. Will just see what the month brings. Take Care.

Vicky xx

Hi Patty, it is so difficult isn’t it. My husband passed on the 4th August last year, and I have started to think about that date. I have also started looking at gravestones, and epitaphs. I can feel the memories pushing on the edge of my mind. It is starting to replay the events leading up to his death, and his last day in the hospice. I think it is my brain’s way of protecting me. Otherwise, the shock would be too much. If I accept the pain now, maybe the day won’t be as difficult. Sending hugs to all. Kate. Xxx

Ah congratulations on the new baby coming. I totally understand that it must feel bittersweet.

Thought it was just me that didn't feel anything, well other than anger and pain. Anything else, there's just nothing there, not that anything good has happened. 

A double whammy with your wedding anniversary also. It will be hard. What about a trip somewhere, or day trip? Though I know how difficult that is too. I seem not to be able to travel now like I used to. 

Anyway, thoughts are with you, hope you're able to find something that brings you some peace at some points x

Hi Vicky. Its 2 years tomorrow since my husband died, and I'm also finding it harder this year. Its been a hard 2 years but this time last year I was in the process of moving house so I was distracted to some extent. This year I have more time to think. We've just got to keep on going somehow. My husband always wanted to live, and took every treatment he was offered, so I think if he could keep going for 2 years with everything he had to cope with, I can keep going too as I know it's what he would have wanted. It's just not easy! Look after yourself. 

Hi! Haven’t been on here for a very long while and it’s very comforting to see some of you here who have been on the same timeline as me. Recognise names from when everything was raw. I lost my amazing husband a year and a half ago. I’m struggling much more this second year. Like some of you, the first year is a bit of a blur. I  went on a 2 month trip to New Zealand to stay with some old friends. An amazing escape, although bittersweet without my husband. I also started driving again after a very long break - another wish of my husband’s. These things are comforting as they are what he would have wanted. Now all the admin is done and it’s time to get on with life, I’m finding it increasingly difficult. Trying to get a grip on “real” everyday life is proving hard.
I can put on a brave face when out and about. I socialise with friends and in particular my younger sister and her husband who live nearby and look after me. But I have to have a few days a week when I stay home, sometimes stay in my pjs and shut the world out. Nights are pretty bad, I go to bed in the early hours, then read, then my mind races and suddenly it’s 4 or 5 am. Sometimes I don’t sleep at all. Thinking aloud I guess these are symptoms of depression, grief etc. I’m considering it’s time to take up the hospice support and get some counselling. 
On the flip side, I try to be as positive as I can. My husband tried so so hard to stay, he had two massive miracle bounces back from the brink before he was finally taken. The bottom line is I feel I must live a full life for the two of us now. He was such a lover of life, daring and carefree, so I can’t just let life go by… trying to keep myself open and let everything come, wash over me and it all passes. I guess what we all need to do is give ourselves a break, and time.
Thanks if you’ve read my rant! 

I feel all your pain. I agree the first year is a bit of a blur. I also moved house which was good but a big distraction. It's my third anniversary  of losing my lovely husband and I cant say its better ` just different. I try to keep busy , which I am and have good family, just the loneliness of having that soul mate. I think I get by sometimes by just accepting its a bad day and work round it, warning friends and family that I may cancel things at the last minute.

Take care and sending virtual hugs.

Hi Eskay!

Seems I'm not the only one to go back to driving. I couldn't for quite a few years due to illness myself. It was one of my husband's last wishes that I go back to it to have my independence both he and my son kept chewing my ear to get my license renewed so I went back to the GP and she gave me the OK to go back to it but on the condition if I felt at all unwell that did not get behind the wheel my illness meant I could take blackouts unexpectedly but haven't had them in some time so she said as there is no real explanations to my blackouts she would allow it but just to use common sense if I felt any kind of headache dizziness etc but I haven't had any in I don't know how long and when the GP asked me I couldn't remember and she said that long and I said yes. So I'm back behind the wheel and building confidence all the time with it. 

Yes I totally get what you mean getting on with `real life` I still feel that there are days I just want to shut the world out and not see anyone or do anything and sometimes I get very guilty at not doing anything. I have my son and daughter in law who live not far from me and I have my little granddaughter who I look after regularly to let her mum and dad go to work and I will be becoming a grandmother for the 2nd time at the end of this year. I have gone back to the gym again too. When Jay (my late husband) was very ill I didn't go for two years it was something we both did together and played badminton too some days. I have gone back to online studying too. I started this during lockdown five years ago when a college local to me did free online courses. I quite enjoyed doing them and kept it up but had to shelve it too while Jay was ill. He went in for his operation in January 2022 and His operation went well and was told that they got all his cancer but five months later it came back and from then on it was downward spiral and then sepsis and his advancing cancer which they eventually could do nothing about took him in June 2023. Yes I think the first year it's just sinking in they're gone and then the 2nd year you come to the realisation that they have actually gone. Lots of mini achievements have happened for me over the last 2 years including my son getting married in February this year all lovely but just that bit bittersweet that Jay is not here to share them but I just try to resign myself that he will be somewhere watching from afar. My best wishes to you moving forwards. Take Care. 

Vicky x

Hello my wee Scottish person ! Sorry not been on this very much. I just had the third anniversary of Barry's death. Some days are fine and some not so. I went to the grave and planted some bright flowers and read some funny Billy Connolly stories to him ! Made me laugh. Good to laugh isn't it ?

Good news about your new grand child. That will help. I don't have anything like that unfortunately. Keep going Vicky. It is all we can do for our loved ones. They hear us I am sure. I talk to Barry every day . Do what you feel is right for you now.

Lots of hugs Fifi. X. 

Right back at you other wee Scottish person!  Yes they say we are all here for a reason or a purpose and I think this is mine to watch my family grow and expand and hopefully Jay will see it from wherever he is and approve. 

xx