Bereavement Counselling

Just to say I went and it was good, it felt very strange to be back at the hospice and to be telling a complete stranger our story from start to finish, my friends and family all lived it with me so they were there as it happened.  It was good to just focus on me.  I felt completely drained the day after though.  I currently am helping my dad who has incurable throat cancer on palliative chemo and Mum has Parkinson’s and with all 3 of my adult kids at home I have a lot going on which helps but she said that doesn’t leave a lot of time for grief - I have given up work at least for a while I am not sure how I did it all when Grant was poorly but I think keeping busy is my thing.  I am going back next week!

I am pleased to read that you have found the counselling useful: please carry on with it.

After my wife died, I had a number of counselling sessions organized by the hospice which had managed her care. I didn't really gel with the counsellor involved, but there is something - I can't explain exactly what! - which is very helpful about talking aloud to an independent listener about what has happened. So whatever - and whyever - that is helpful, it is worth pursuing.

What has also subsequently helped me very much is membership of a group of similarly bereaved people - and that group was organized by a cancer charity. I think that, before the death of my wife, I might have considered membership of such a group to be rather morbid - but I get it now. We chat about life and death, of course - but we also have some laughs, And so, for a while at least, life seems normal again.

Ah well ... what a mess this is. But I am pleased to find anything that helps

All the very best to everybody.

I had six group sessions at the hospice, but I don't think it helped. There were a couple of people who seemed to do most of the talking and since it ended nobody wants to stay in touch. I'd really like one to one counselling but I don't know how to find the right person to talk to. My friends and family have heard it all before, I can't keep going on about it to them. I think any opportunity to talk must be a good thing. 

Hi I found a counsellor via a friend who was given a list by her Employee assistance programme.   I've had to stop work since Nick passed away but i just contacted them and said would they be willing to see me.  I pay for it but it's £35 an hour which is reasonable.   I believe some GPs have lists but mine weren't that helpful.

I've only had 2 sessions and I don't know if it helps yet but I feel better getting some things off my chest.  

Hope you find someone

SpiritintheSky said:

I had six group sessions at the hospice, but I don't think it helped. There were a couple of people who seemed to do most of the talking and since it ended nobody wants to stay in touch.

I actually had the same experience with some group sessions organized by the hospice which had managed my wife's care in the final two weeks of her life: I didn't really gel with the other people involved, and it didn't lead to anything. But it's all worth a try!

SpiritintheSky said:

I'd really like one to one counselling but I don't know how to find the right person to talk to.

Do you live anywhere near a Maggie's Centre? (See: https://www.maggies.org/) If you do, I'd encourage you to drop in, and see what they might have to offer. They're a great organization and, in my case, the 'bereavement group' which I mentioned above came about directly via Maggie's.

SpiritintheSky said:

My friends and family have heard it all before, I can't keep going on about it to them. I think any opportunity to talk must be a good thing. 

For sure, any opportunity to talk helps. For myself, I haven't really got any family to dump on, and I don't have any really good local friends - but I have no hesitation in dumping on anybody and everybody if I think I want to. Talking helps; we are  all going through hell; and decent people will always understand that.

Best wishes for it all.

Thankyou for the suggestion but I've checked out Maggie's and there's nothing anywhere near me. Yesterday I almost rang the Samaritans, I felt so alone and isolated. My family and friends aren't nearby and anyway they all seem so busy. Weekends are the worst, I live by the sea and it's all couples and families in summer so I stay home. I know this is my life now, I guess I have to learn to accept it. 

I know exactly how you feel. My wife passed 2 years ago. Her grown up daughter from a previous marriage who lives just across the street from me very rarely comes to visit me or even phone me. I wasn't even aware that she had been on vacation. She is supposed to be my medical emergency contact. I too feel incredibly alone - I rarely go out. I lived in Torquay for several years of my youth so I understand what you mean. Germany is also in my view not the best place because people seem to think that there is a certain time limit to grieving. I can't get over my wife's passing and I don't think I ever will. I'll be 82 in October and I just hope and pray that my dear wife will call me to be with her again as she always said 'we belong together'.

Oh Flyboy I truly do empathise and sympathise with you. The loneliness is almost unbearable some days, and after nine months almost everyone I know has 'moved on' and apparently forgotten me and my lovely David. Nothing prepares you for this. 

Hello Spirit, I hate to read how lonely you are . If only we all lived closer to one another so we could at least pop round for a chat or go for a nice walk. It is the worst time in our lives. I know what you mean about thinking of calling The Samaritans. Sometimes I think about that, but then I think I'm wasting their time when there must be people more desperate  in need of talking to someone. Only time I go out is for shopping or taking the dogs a walk. I do go to Yoga once a week when my sister is not away. I've been keeping myself busy decorating the spare bedroom. And trying to get the back prepared to put some turf down. But it doesn't stop me thinking how Shit things are without my Love. We must try and get on the Zoom thing with Melengwa . I really haven't a clue how to set it up myself. We do need to talk with someone who really understands. I have my eldest Sister nearby , but when she comes for a chat and starts complaining about her Husband I could scream. I know he's not a nice Bloke , but she would never leave him. And at least he's not Dead . Missing our much loved Person is so very painful. How the Hell are we supposed to cope with such a loss???

Hi. Sorry Ive been quiet.

I also started counselling, from the hospice, fortnighly for just 6 sessions. Bit early to tell yet if its helpful. 

I wondered if any of you joined The widowed Collective, ive just managed to go to s fiest meet ( i had to organise it!) But it was nice to meet a small group of others. They do a weekly zoon ay 7pm on Mondays, you have to join, but Ive been to a couple.