Bereavement Counselling

Hi Vicki I found a counsellor as well and have had 2 sessions so far.  He was really good at saying ok let's find a process to help with the anger (I spoke a lot about how Nick's family have not said one word since the funeral) and he gave me a way to breathe through it and other tips like writing it down at night time, dumping it all on paper.  It might be useful for you in that way - tools you can have that might help on a worse day, if that does happen 

I hope you're ok

Angela

I think we all need some Counselling. It's just a matter of whether you find the Counsellor relatable. A good Counsellor must surely be helpful.....if only to get some things off our chest .OK that least thoughts ,emotions out of our head  and body. I spoke to a Lovely Lady with Cruse  ,but you only get 6x 1 hours sessions and it isn't nearly enough.  You do need to give them a go and see if it helps. You might feel you are doing OK just now ,but grief catches up with you I feel. It's been 14 months since I lost my Hubby. And It doesn't feel any easier, In fact the realisation that this is it..My life alone without the Love of my Life. I still feel resentful that my Father hardly ailed in his 94 years and got 23 years more than my Hubby did. I keep reading and hearing that writing a journal is helpful. I tried it a few times early on. Not sure how much it helps  I suppose I should write more often to get the thoughts out of my head. I wish I had the same attitude you are describing. . I'm not feeling positive just now. But trying hard to push myself to at least achieve something each day. Rather than sitting thinking about what I've lost and what could have been . Take any support you are offered . It might not always be there. And I really hope you continue to have the same outlook going forward. Cx 

Thank you for your replies I just had lunch with my best friend who also said I should take the help as it will give me the opportunity to speak to someone who is removed from the situation and won’t have an emotional response as they didn’t know Grant, he was only 55 when he passed and I think our friends and family really struggle with him being taken so early which I understand and do feel the same.

i do already journal I use the sue Ryder online journal tool, it tends to be once a week and these have turned into letters to my husband for some reason filling in him on what is happening and how I am feeling, it is interesting reading back to the early days as I am now nearly 7 months into this weird journey, it does help and I think it is definitely cathartic.  I am not sure where my fighting attitude comes from I think he left it to me when he died, he was so brave and positive all the way through his illness a true inspiration and I don’t want to let him down.  

Hi my partner was 54 when he passed away 19 months ago I tried a councillor obviously spent whole time crying then came away spending next 3 days having a meltdown.  I couldn't face it again,  I kept thinking to myself how is this person going to heal my heart and felt something I had to deal with myself.  I probably went with the wrong mindset and you sound alot more open to it and alot of people say its really helped them . I really hope it does you , you sound like a lovely person x

Perhaps you needed to carry on with the counselling, I know I felt like you when I first started seeing a Counsellor at my new Doctors . She wasn't a Bereavement ,but she allowed me to open up and get some of the thoughts out of my head . It was awkward the first few sessions and like you I cried a lot. And I found it embarrassing. I hate crying in front of other people. Nobody can heal the pain we are going through. It takes a long time for that to even soften. And after 14 months I am nowhere near feeling better. And yes it is something we have to face and go through to hopefully get to the other side of this Nightmare. I was in shock for quire a few months , then when that veil slipped at about 6 months it hit me like a brick. I had been trying to keep busy to stop the thoughts constantly going around in my head. But grief waits for you , we can't avoid or hide from it. We have to sit with it eventually . Its impossible to keep busy for ever . So I've had to slow down. And let the emotions wash over me . Have a melt down, Have a scream in the car at times. After the sessions finished at the Doctors I was finally given 6 x 1 hour telephone calls with Cruse . It seems a 6 month waiting list is the norm unless it's just that they were so very busy with many others who had lost a Significant person. The Lady I spoke with was very good ,and again I found the talking helpful. with someone neutral. She prompted me with all the right questions. But 6 weeks isn't long enough. I was just beginning to feel some benefit . I've just started with NHS talking Therapy which my Doctor referred me to. Perhaps give it another try , It's worth the effort . 

 August 27 will be 2 years since my beloved wife Karin left me following a short (thankfully) Glioblastoma battle, I miss her every second of every day and I still cry frequently (is that Ok for an 82 year old man?). Since Karin's passing I started writing (as though I was talking to her) every day stating the events of the day, what I was doing etc. but most of all 'telling' her how very much I love(d) her, how very much I miss her and how very much I regret not having told her 'I love you' often enough.

I think it's very ok to cry.  And I think she knows how much you love her.  What was it the Queen said, grief is the price we pay for love?  I often wonder if Nick knew i was with him in that last hour begging him to come back to me because i love him so much.  But I know if he could he'd have come back to me.   I worry I could've saved him.  We often think love will get us through anything but I don't know about grief.  Its too hard

Thank you nicangel - your reply message gave me some comfort,

I am glad you have also found comfort in writing to your wife, I have found it to be a way of still connecting with my husband Grant and it also helps me to put into words how I really feel, it is interesting how we have peaks and troughs in this journey.  It sounds like your wife was much loved and I am sure she knew it no matter how often you said it (mine was not one  for saying it but I could feel it in my very bones).

Vicki x

Thank you - very comforting words.