Lost my darling 2 weeks ago

Hi susie1234,

 We all handle grief, differently, because we all different people.  We all went through different horrible times. I am a cryer, I still cry not like at the beginning, but tears still come after over 14 months.  Just as long as you are looking after yourself and if you have support please use it. Just the basis eating, drinking, and sleep can be hard. I am sorry you are on this crap path. 

Take care and look after yourself. 

Oh thank you xxxxxxx

Hi Susie

Im sorry to read about your husband, Im sure there will be all sorts of things going through your mind, especially if there is a funeral to organise.

You have spent 2 years knowing the end was coming and you possibly exhausted. Its actually good to hear of a good and peaceful death, yes its OK to say that. Not many of us here have had that. Yes relief is OK too because none of us want to see our partners suffer or in pain knowing there is nothing we can do. So please dont feel guilty. 

My husband died 6 months ago and I still cry every day. But thats me. As ghostlovescore said, this is such a personal journey. If theres one thing Ive learned over this past 6 months its that there is no " normal". Every range of emotions is open, but we wont all feel all of them. Your tears may come in time, or they may not come at all. And thats OK. 

Its good you have a loving family who are supporting you. Let what happens happen, there is nothing for you to feel guilty about.

Come on here if you want to chat more, we are a nice bunch, all navigating this rubbish path and doing so without judgement. X

Hello Susie,

Your story sounds so similar to mine. It is coming up to 3 years since I lost my husband in June 2023. He fought his cancer for almost 3 years at one time going into remission when he got his tumour removed in January 2022 but it unfortunately came back 5 months later and from then it was a downward spiral for him both mentally and physically. Mentally because after his elation at finding out his cancer had gone only for it to return months later affected him really badly and he just sort of `gave up`. He took everything but the kitchen sink that they could throw at him the 2nd time around until he just couldn't take anymore and the treatment he received refused to work. I was very much in denial back then that he would get better and every `good day` he had gave me some hope that he was getting better but sadly not to be. We were together for 40 years married for 37 and it is a shock to they system when that one `constant` who had been by your side for all those years all of a sudden isn't. I couldn't cry at the beginning either after he passed and thought that very strange because I felt that it was something that I should be doing when he was going through all the treatment I thought I would never stop. It is very early for you and everything will be very raw and your head will be all over the place you will have feelings of shock, anger, guilt and the rest. Great that you have a large family for support just keep leaning on them at this time for help when you need it and of course keep coming here when you feel you need to because we all `get it` and we are a good bunch and good support for one another. Take Care of yourself and sending you best wishes. 

Vicky x

I tried so hard not to cry in front of my Hubby when he was declining on health. There is such a thing as Anticipatory grief which I never heard of until this last 6 months approx. It's mentioned a lot on Podcasts and bereavement sites. And I think that's what I went through for quite some time. To the point where I had actually shut down before the End. It was the strangest thing. I still cared for my Hubby ,but I felt detached in some way. I know it sounds dramatic , but it was like I was another person ? Thoughts would come into my head ,but I was in denial. I couldn't accept that after almost 50 years together ( years married ) and rarely being apart . The end of our lives together was coming to an end . You are probably still in shock which on the outside you appear to be coping. But this is when our brains are trying to make sense of what's  just happened . Yes there is some relief I suppose that they are no longer suffering and we don't have to witness that and be helpless to relieve our Precious person / our other half of enduring such pain. Oh! the grief I carry is Enormous . Something I really am struggling with. Feelings Inlet him down, didn't do enough to keep him here . Asking myself why Inlet it happen. Having to watch him slip away and be unable to do anything at all to get him breathing again.  I never ever thought Guilt would play such a big part as well as Anger . Everyone tells me it's not my fault he died ,but my Brain won't believe it and I can't convince myself . I have read some people say they haven't cried months after . Whether its because they are relieved the suffering is over or still in shock which leaves you numb . then you are drip fed what your brain thinks you can cope with . I'm sure the tears will come once you start processing what's happened. I hope you get all the support you need.