5 weeks

Hi Millie

Im so sorry to read about your husband and your own cancer. Are you still going through treatment.

Its so early for you, your head will still be all over the place. I think many of us have felt the same about going to bed not caring if we wake up, I have said the same myself several times( my husband died nearly 6 months ago). But Im still here still just muddling through in the only way I know how.

Grief is overwhelming, its physically mentally and emotionally demanding and painful. It does feel like youre out of control because its so alien. 

Do you have people around you to talk to, whether family or friends? Please do come here to chat, we all get it here and its a safe place where noone judges you. 

One large hug coming your way

I feel for you Millie 12 .Similar to  My Husband . His lungs were in a bad way , but I think the damage had been done . and the Doctors had given up on him. We went to see a  respiratory specialist In March last year as I was trying to get him oxygen for home use. But they said the readings weren't quite bad enough . Although his breathing was slightly better when he finally got the appointment. I knew his Heart was becoming weaker and I'm sure the oxygen would have made a difference. I've a feeling he might have refused it. He had been so very ill for such a long time that I think he'd had enough. He suffered  from Heart fibrillation , Which The Doctors didn't seem to be interested in doing anything more than giving him medication. The last consultant who saw him a few weeks after oxygen was refused listened to his chest . In his notes he put that he couldn't even hear his heartbeat for the rattling of his lungs . But sent us on our way saying he would see him in 5 months time. I think The Consultant knew then that My Husband would likely not be here much longer . He had a silent heart attack  a few weeks later . He was admitted to hospital and died . The cause has been put as Pulmonary , But I think it was a combination of everything. We were close to moving house . I don't think the stress of that and other things going on helped either . Even though I knew he was very ill , I wasn't expecting him to die . I really hope you have had someone close , a friend or family to support you through your treatment and also now to help you. This Grief is Horrendous , made worse by the Traumatic way they died . And on top of that you have your own health problems. Yes , most of us are having similar thought sto you. This is a Living nightmare . And it is so hard to accept they have left us. Are you having counselling yet ? If not you need to get your name down. Hopefully you have had some advice on that from the Doctors /Hospital. I got nothing from the Hospital...not even a proper explanation. Just The young Doctor who rang me introducing himself right after my Hubby passed . I was in shock and didn't really register or acknowledge  him . You need to ask your Doctor for some support.