No energy or enthusiasm

No, noot late, i dont think planting early really helps if you get a cold snap. Im hoping to feel up to starting over the weekend.

I'v e just transplanted some Sunflower seeds into pots . Gave two to a neighbour who was the first one to welcome me here . Lovely Lady . She went for her first ever Mammogram at 50 years old . Unbeknown to her she had 5 deep cancerous tumours. Had them removed and has gone through chemo and radiotherapy . She's a single parent with grown up children. I took her two over . She is Amazing , never moaned , now back at work.  But she's had some pains so they are checking her bones . I really hope everything will be fine . My sister was the same when she got breast cancer about 27 years ago. never moaned . She's done really well with no problems since .  Touch wood . It amazes me how the ones who are really suffering do not moan about it. My Husband rarely told me how bad he felt. And yet there are some Hypochondriacs who moan at the slightest thing. Anyway I've put a few more  seeds in pots and plastic trays on my Lounge window sill. I know I have seeds elsewhere that I collected from my last garden , so I need to start doing something with them. The garden here is small and so I'm already running out of space . keep buying planters . Must stop as they are all to water . If nothing else ,I hope to have some colour to try brighten the place up and possibly improve my mood . I hate being this miserable . Wish you were here My Lovely Husband . I feel I didn't appreciate him as much as I could have .I always cared for him when he was badly.  It's true that you don't know what you have until it's gone . 

Wouldn't it be great if we could just " Get a grip " ? it's not that easy . I wish those who still had their Live Partners / soulmates could understand  just what a struggle it is. You say you aren't depressed or maudlin. I wish I could say the same . It's difficult to know how to motivate ourselves after such a traumatic loss. I have decided that instead of trying to push myself , I am pottering and like the Butterfly I am ,just doing bits here and there . More distracted than normal . But I don't care anymore . Well yes I do . that's  a lie. But just do what you can when you can. Try find something you might " Enjoy " again difficult just now. Do you like making things ? Or painting. I'm trying to do some painting ,but not getting far, although it is therapeutic . I have some Air dry modelling clay i want to use some day. Have you tried it ? You might enjoy creating something. Not much else I can suggest . Rest or have a nap when required . As I don't sleep well at night I have to be careful not to sit down for too long or I nod off to sat in the chair. Do you have a garden ? I'm thinking of digging out a small pond , mainly because my garden here keeps getting flooded . I made two in Scotland for the same reason . I hope some of these ideas appeal to you Andrew and help give you some respite .